


Counting Down

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:38:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 79,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose manages to persuade the Doctor to participate in one holiday event per day, to count down the days till Christmas. Let's be honest, all she had to do was ask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Decision

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

He swatted at his ear, finding nothing but air and his own flesh. Odd, he swore that...there it was. A light, warm breeze, brushing over the shell of his ear, just strong enough to tickle his sideburn. Rubbing his shoulder against the side of his face, the Doctor kept his eyes shut, trying to send his body back to sleep. Sleep and the delicious dream he had been having. 

Superior biology allowed him to slip back into slumber rather easily. Back to his fantasy, where a certain beautiful companion had just lost her shirt and was whispering filthy promises into his ear, the weight of her body pressing down on him, her warmth seeping through their remaining layers and lighting a fire of desire. His fingers gripped her hips as she ground against him, lips brushing his ear, her hot breath sending shivers down his spine.

"Doctor."

He urged her to continue, moaning her name, "Rose."

Something sharp jabbed his rib cage. He frowned, wriggling on the couch, the unpleasant sensation not fitting with his dream.

"Rose, that is hardly appropriate action for..." His head rolled to the side, eyes fluttering open as he sensed he was no longer alone.

"Appropriate for what, Doctor?"

Amber eyes stared back at him, amusement and curiosity sparkling beneath long lashes. Rose.

He shot up at the waist, sending a long forgotten book clattering to the floor as it landed on the carpet with a muffled thud. He must have fallen asleep in the library while reading, hardly a surprise. Unlike Rose's sudden appearance. He rubbed the back of his neck, panic squeezing his hearts tightly, cheeks burning as he tried suppress the cocktail of hormones surging through his veins.

"Rose." Oh lovely, a squeaky voice. That didn't sound suspicious. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Er, Rose. How long have you been there?"

She pushed back from her kneeling position in front of the sofa he had fallen asleep on, rocking on her feet and remaining crouched down. She shrugged her shoulders. "Not long. Was surprised to find you asleep."

The Doctor swung his long legs over the edge of the couch, planting his trainer clad feet firmly on the floor. Relief washed over him. She wasn't going to press the issue, so he was going to do what he always did. Pretend it never happened and move on.

He arched an eyebrow at her. "Must have worn myself out by trying to wake my lazy companion for the hundredth time."

"Oi! It wasn't that many!"

He huffed, stooping to retrieve his book, hiding a smile at her insulted look. Rose was not a morning person, to put it lightly.

"It wasn't and you know it."

"Rose Tyler." He noted the way her cheeks flushed just the slightest shade of pink when he said her name, wrapping his tongue around each syllable. "Are you calling me a liar?"

"Just because you're a Time Lord doesn't mean you know how to count." She grinned at him, tongue peeking out between her teeth.

His eyes zeroed in on the pink muscle, always teasing and taunting. His traitorous hormones threatened to overwhelm him. This body was so quick to respond to her. Honestly, it was embarrassing. He shook his head, trying to clear the beginnings of a lust induced haze.

"Besides, it's not like you can reliably keep track of time or drive the ship properly."

"One time! One time!"

"I missed a whole year! Mum thought I had been murdered!"

He groaned. "I'm never going to live that down am I?"

She grinned then hopped to her feet, brushing he hands on her thighs, which were tragically covered in jeans. "Nope."

He eyed her suspiciously. She was showered and dressed, ready for the day with nothing but smiles and light hearted teasing. "You're awfully chipper this morning. Why?"

She chewed her lip, unsure of something. "What's today?"

He set the book on a nearby table, then leaned back, draping his arms over the top of the couch. "Rose, we're in a time machine. It can be any day you want it to be."

She rolled her eyes. "I know, ta. I meant on Earth. For me."

"Time machine."

"Doctor, please."

"Oh, alright." He looked up at the ceiling, pretending to calculate the date in his head. He knew what she was asking. Could have spouted the date the instant she asked. He knew all the dates and times that were important, and relative, to her. He remember the date he first met her, with a different set of eyes and ears. A whole different body, a lifetime ago. He remembered the date she had first fallen asleep with her head in his lap as he read to her, trying to unwind from a particularly hairy adventure. He knew how long it had been since she had last eaten ice cream, how long she had been asleep. How much time had passed since her hand was last safely tucked in his. Too long, a problem he needed to rectify as soon as possible.

"Well?" She was staring at him impatiently, as if she already knew the answer but needed him to validate it out loud.

"December the first. I don't--"

"Yup! Which means, only 24 days till Christmas!"

He blinked. He had missed something. Or she had. He wasn't sure. "You do remember me saying this was a time machine, right? We could have Christmas everyday if we wanted. Which, would probably be exciting for the first, oh...25 days or so? You see what I did there? Eh? Brilliant, me. Anyway, as I--"

"Doctor." Rose had placed her hands on her hips, in a fashion that very much reminded him of Jackie Tyler. Jackie and slaps.

He sank into the couch, willing himself to appear small and vulnerable. He waved a hand at her. "Right. You were saying? Well, you actually weren't but--"

The scathing look she gave him halted the steady flow of words that continued to pour out his mouth. Pressing his lips together, he made a zipping motion across them, indicating his further silence. Maybe. Hopefully.

She let the silence stretch between them, testing his resolve. Satisfied after the only evidence of his impatience was a twitching leg, she continued.

"This year, I think we should do something special each day, to get into the holiday spirit. I know, you're...well, an alien and all, but Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and you know mum is going to make you stay at the flat this year anyway."

"Roooose." He was whining. A Time Lord, whining. He didn't care.

"Please. It'll be fun, I promise. You'll love it. But no cheating! We have to wait the same amount of days as everyone else. Is that...is that ok?"

His first instinct had been to object, vehemently. And maybe whine some more. They had a time machine, no point putting off something he was dreading. Christmas with her mother. He didn't do domestics. Ever. At all.

Except apparently when it came to a certain companion and her doe eyes and, and pleading. Which wasn't really fair, she hadn't begged. Hadn't seductively fluttered her lashes at him, which was honestly a crime. Some part of his brain went to work figuring out how to accomplish that goal, while the rest tried to stay focused. He was giving in. Never had a chance to start with if he was being honest. He would do anything for her, anything to make her happy. How bad could it be?

He exhaled loudly, making a show of not liking the situation. "Fine. But you're responsible for this. If you forget a day, I am _not_ reminding you."

She squealed and launched herself at him. Her arms encircled his neck in an awkward hug. Knees digging into his thighs, chasing away all trace of higher thought. Before his brain could catch up and before his body could respond, she was up again, bouncing away.

"Thank you. Just for that, consider today's activity done. The rest of today is yours, take us wherever you like, I'm gonna go grab breakfast." She pointed a finger at him, eyes narrowed. "As long as we don't end up in some alien jail for a convenient amount of time. I am not counting down the days till Christmas in a cell."

He mock saluted, wondering just what he had gotten himself into. With a beaming smile she turned and walked out of the library. Watching her hips sway back and forth with each step, sending his thoughts further and further downhill, he found he didn't care.


	2. Stocking Supplies

"But Rooose, the TARDIS can provide almost everything on your list." He was whining, again.

Yesterday had been a full day, they had saved two civilizations, witnessed the birth of a new solar system, and he was pretty sure they had accidentally invented potato salad. True to his word, they had avoided incarceration. Still, he had half hoped she would have forgotten about her Christmas Extravaganza.

Rose shook her head, her expression telling him she felt like she was talking to a particularly stubborn toddler. She leaned against the console, across from where the Doctor sat in the jump seat. "It's not the same. You miss out on the experience, that's what this is about. Experiences. Besides, if we do it that way, that just means I have to come up with one more thing to do."

She chewed her lip, momentarily earning his full attention, complaints of the day's planned activity forgotten. She tilted her head and furrowed her brow. "Probably means going to mum's a day early. I'm sure she could help--"

"No! No, no, no." He sprung up from the jump seat, as if it had been set on fire, eyes wide and wild. He had already agreed upon a set number of days to spend at her mother's flat. There was no need to push that looming event any closer.

She arched an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms. He moved directly in front of her, placing a hand on each of her upper arms, brushing his thumbs lightly over the soft fabric of her grey hoodie. He slouched down, looking her directly in the eyes. "What I mean is, no thank you. As much as I love to spend time with your mother." He was immensely proud of himself for successfully suppressing a shudder. "I would _much_ rather spend time with you. Alone."

Her eyes sparkled with some unknown joke, smile tugging at the corners of her plump pink lips. Lips that he very much wanted to kiss, to taste...Stop. Nothing good would come from this train of thought. Well, not now anyway. Maybe later, when he was alone in his room--oh for goodness sake. His lack of control was becoming ridiculous.

"And what are you going to do with me? The two of us, alone?" She drew the last word out, giving him ample time to imagine plenty of things he would like the two of them to do, alone. Inappropriate and very adult things.

"Just you wait and see." He waggled his eyebrows, realizing too late that he was speaking out loud and physically acting along with his words.

Rose's cheeks turned pink and he almost continued his behavior, just to see how red he could make her. Almost. He was too much of a coward to actually do so. Too afraid of crossing the lines they had made for themselves, protecting hearts and whatever innocence he hadn't already taken. Traveling with him wasn't always fun and games, and she had seen, not to mention been through, some terrible horrors. She had been forced to see and do things that a simple life on Earth would have kept her from. She had adapted brilliantly, and he constantly admired her ability to bounce back, to look for the good in everyone and everything. It kept him grounded, kept him sane. But crossing the tedious boundaries that still remained would involve sharing a burden with her that she didn't deserve to carry. He couldn't do that to her, refused to tarnish her beauty with the bloody sins of his past. Not to his Rose, never to her.

So, just as before, just as it always would be, he changed tactics. He knew she would catch up and follow along. He released her arms, twirling away in an energetic show of limbs and exaggerated movements, making her giggle. “Right then, you want Christmas supplies--”

“From Earth.”

He frowned at her, but continued moving, pushing buttons and pulling levers. “From Earth. Honestly, Rose, how boring. But, your wish is my command. Earth it will be, but not London. I don’t fancy running into your mother just yet, no offense. I’m going to take you to some place wonderful, some place absolutely brilliant. Shelves bursting with holiday bits and bobs, all you could ever need or want in one convenient place. Which is actually quite generous of me, making sure you get all you need from one stop. Otherwise I could very well drag this out, make each stop at a shop...stop at a shop, that rhymes. I should say that more often! Where was I?”

“Doctor, where are you taking me?”

“America, Rose! America and the wondrous place they call...oh, what was it? Door Mart? Window Mart? Floor Mart? Blimey, that sounds awful. No, that’s not it. Oh! Wal Mart!"

He mashed the last button with his fist, sending the ship soaring through the time vortex, shaking and throwing both parties to the ground upon impact. The Doctor sprang up first, rushing over to help a giggling Rose to her feet, even though he knew she was quite capable of doing it herself. Any excuse to touch her. Trying to even out her breathing, Rose reached up and took both his offered hands, her smile warming his hearts as he pulled her up. For a moment they just stood there, smiling stupidly at each other.

Her eyes changed, humor still present but overtaken by a more serious emotion he was too afraid to identify. Dropping one of her hands, he pulled her towards the doors, needing to keep moving, keep distracting himself. 

Shopping, shopping would be a good distraction. Well, not for him. But for Rose. It would mean she would be busy looking at the shelves, every shiny object catching her attention. Her eyes would be anywhere but him. Which of course meant he had hours of being able to watch her unnoticed, the smooth movement of her legs, the soft swish of her blonde hair, the gleam in her eyes whenever something made her happy, and her smile. That was his favorite, her smile that would forever be seared into his mind long after she was gone. He couldn’t wait to get started.

…..

It had been exactly 32.14 minutes, and Rose Tyler was not smiling. She was frowning, eyes narrowed in a glare at the purple blob of a lady in front of her, who had quite rudely cut in front of Rose. Not good, very not good. 

She stood off to the side in an aisle full of Christmas lights, huddled deep in his tan trench coat, the tails brushing the floor whenever she walked. He had meant to take them some place in the southern part of America, where it may have been a bit cold out in December but it wouldn’t be freezing, definitely not below zero. His navigation was, apparently, a little bit off.

_(32.14 minutes earlier)_

They had stepped out into a blizzard. Rose’s blue jumper and grey hoodie, no where near enough layers for the storm swirling around them. She yelped and immediately latched onto his side, trying to get warm. He didn’t need to tell his body to increase its normally cooler temperature, feeling her curves press along him was automatically warming him up, granted it all started in a different region, but he tried not to think about that. Too much at any rate.

After some yelling on her part and lots of imploring on his part, he managed to pry her from his side long enough to slip his coat off and help her shivering figure into it. The snow was already a foot high, and they had only managed to go just as far, when it was clear that it would take all day to reach the store with her trying to wade through the snow in his coat.

Her nose and cheeks were turning red, face barely visible under her tightly cinched hood. She wore an expression of grim determination, arm linked through his so that she could hide her hands in the long sleeves of his coat. She wouldn't ask for help, probably wouldn't even think about it. She was too good for that. However, he really didn't fancy taking her to her mother's with tales of getting frost bite in some American store parking lot all because his driving was shoddy. It was going to be a long walk already since he had had to park the TARDIS at the very back of the parking lot. Seeing no other option, he stopped walking, her movements too slow for her to stumble at his abrupt pace change. She looked at him, lips slightly blue and teeth chattering, struggling to speak.

Pulling his hand out of his trouser pocket, he slipped his arm around her waist then bent just enough to use his other arm to scoop her up, cradling her against him. She yelped but didn't protest, instead wrapped her arms around his neck and burrowed her face into his chest. 

He made it across the parking lot and into the store in 2 minutes flat, depositing a slightly snow covered Rose onto the slippery tiled floor. She shook herself, adding to the thin layer of dirt and snow, then pulled her hood down, revealing dry, staticky blond hair. He watched her carefully, not wanting her to slip, as he brushed snow off his shoulders. Their eyes met, her gaze and small smile enough to kick start his system, warming him up almost instantly.

Rose stepped forward and lifted her hand, hesitating slightly until he angled his his head for better access, silently inviting her to continue. Her fingers ran through his hair, front to back, over and over. His breath caught in his throat and a pleasant tingle ran down his spine, stomach somersaulting wildly in his abdomen.

"Your hair is a mess. Don't know if I can get it styled right."

He bit his tongue, resisting the urge to tell her to try both hands, not confident in his ability to maintain self control. As it was, he didn't want her to stop. He would rather go and stand in outside in the snow for hours while she shopped, if it meant getting her to repeat this action once back on the TARDIS.

She shook her head. "Too much snow, your hair's too wet to stay up."

At some point he had closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of her hand combing through his hair. He felt her fingers trail lightly down his temple, snapping his eyes open when her hand cupped his cheek, thumb lightly rubbing his sideburn.

"Thank you." Her voice was soft, gratitude shining in her eyes.

He almost kissed her. Their faces were so close, it would have been so easy. And he was sure she wouldn't have objected, going off the signals her body was sending. Her chest was rising heavily, eyes slightly dilated and the way she had unconsciously licked her lips had nearly done him in.

Until a harsh voice shattered the moment. "You two love birds going to stand around all day or what? Move!"

They sprang apart, Rose making a show of adjusting his coat on her shoulders while he tugged on his ear, jaw flapping uselessly, no sounds escaping.

A rather unpleasant woman, or maybe a man, he couldn't quite tell with all the layers, scowled at them then pushed by. A teenage girl followed the woman, pushing a rickety metal cart, one wheel spinning in pointless circles mere millimeters above the floor. Despite blushing when the Doctor had met her gaze, she mouthed an apology then whacked her younger brother on the arm. The boy had been making some rather vulgar thrusting gestures behind his sister, eyes rolling around his head, tongue wildly licking the air. The boy had flinched once his sister's fist connected, grumbling as he followed her obediently further into the store.

Rose had taken one look at the Doctor's appalled and disgusted expression before erupting into giggles. He couldn't help but laugh along with her, the sound and accompanying smile too infectious to resist.

That had been the last time she had smiled. After taking way too long (in Rose's quite frankly amateur opinion) to select a worthy cart, which were all stupidly placed in between the sets of doors causing patrons to be constantly attacked by gusts of snow and bitingly cold air, they finally began their search of items Rose had deemed required.

The store was packed, the lights were too bright, the music too loud, and the people were extremely rude. And thus, their current predicament, Rose glaring daggers at some stranger's back side and the Doctor looking every bit the poor soul who only came because his wife begged (or threatened) him to.

Wife? Oddly, the idea didn't make him as panicky as he thought it would. And technically speaking they were married on six different planets. Maybe he should inform her of that at some point. Maybe she already knew. Now, there was an interesting notion.

The object of his wandering thoughts, snapped her fingers in front of his face. He blinked. "What was that for?"

"I asked you a question, and you just stood there. Staring at me."

"Well, I wasn't staring at you, so much as looking intently in the general location of your body."

She coughed, eyes wide in disbelief.

"No! Not like that." He began rubbing the back of his neck, the urge to run building higher and higher. "That's not to say you don't have a lovely figure, because you do. Although, honestly lovely probably doesn't do you justice. Not that I've been looking mind you! Just saying...in general...as-as..."

"Doctor." She was smirking at him, cheeky. "The lights?" 

"Hmm? Oh, yes. What was the question? Never mind, doesn't matter. Whatever you want."

He had imagined his brilliant answer going over rather well, earning him at least a smile, if not a hug. He had _not_ pictured her crossing her arms, anger burning in her eyes.

"Fine." She turned and stomped off down the aisle.

Blimey, he'd cocked that up somehow. He left their (still empty) cart behind, long strides quickly catching up to her. He grabbed her elbow and she spun around. The open fury raging in her eyes, made him flinch, fully expecting a slap.

"Well?"

He was completely confused, just barely fighting the wave of irritation crashing over him at her harsh tone. "What did I do wrong? I just wanted you to get what made you happy."

She searched his face, then sighed. "Nothing. It's just...we're supposed to be doing this together, yeah?"

Understanding dawned on him and he mouthed a silent 'oh'.

"Never mind, let's just leave. I'm sorry for making you do this." Her shoulders slumped and she avoided looking him in the eyes.

He snorted, wanting to quickly diffuse the situation. He drew himself to his full height, attempting to look condescending. "I'm a Time Lord, the last of the Time Lords. No one, not even you, can make me do anything." She rolled her eyes. Knowing her anger had been forgotten, he smiled down at her. "Now come on, let's get what we need so we can get out of this dreadful place."

She bit her lip, still not quite meeting his gaze. "Are you sure?"

"Course!" He slid his hand down her arm, twining their fingers together. "Let's do this before I change my mind and make you push the cart."

"It's empty."

"For now! I know you. We're likely to need two more carts before we get everything we need."

She nudged his shoulder with hers, fighting a smile. "Shut up."

"Not a chance."

.....

Three hours and thankfully only one cart full later, they were set. Rose had piled a number things into the metal contraption; baking goods, frosting, sprinkles, ornaments, lights, construction paper, various kinds and colors of glitter, the list went on and on. 

He would never admit it, but he had actually enjoyed himself. Rose had even picked them each out a stocking. Not the traditional red and white, mind you, but dark blue with silver stars embroidered along the body, the same strands of silver threading making the blue faux fur along the top appear to shine. It was very them, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Cheating just a tiny bit, Rose had taken the cart full of goodies into a fitting room and locked herself in. The attendants were no where nearby anyway. He dashed across the still blizzarding parking lot, cursing himself for forgetting to get his coat back from Rose, trying in vain to dodge huge snowflakes.

Once inside the TARDIS, he piloted with extreme care, materializing the time ship around Rose and their pile of shopping bags.

"About time." She wasn't smiling, again.

"What?" His stomach sank. He hadn't been that long, had he?

She planted her hands on her hips. "I've been waiting five hours!"

His jaw dropped. He looked from her to the display on the console, brow creased and eyes blinking quickly.

She walked up to him and patted his arm, smiling widely, tongue between her teeth. "Don't look so worried, it's only been 15 minutes."

He groaned. "Oh, that was rude."

"I learn from the best. Now help me bring all this to my room. I need to sort it by day. You have 23 days of Christmas filled goodness ahead of you, can't be wasting time trying to find what we need."


	3. O' Christmas Tree

Rose ran down the ramp, impatience bursting within her chest. She was dressed appropriately this time, unlike yesterday’s surprise blizzard. She still wore jeans, but they were tucked into a pair of black snow boots, black fur (probably fake, knowing the Doctor) lining the top of the boot which reached mid calf. She paused at the door to finish zipping her purple winter coat over her grey hoodie and pink jumper. Pushing the door open, cold air nipped at her cheeks and slightly ruffled her hair. It wasn’t windy, so she decided to leave her hood down. She gingerly stepped out into the snow, her weight making her sink in the fluff about an inch.

It was breathtaking. Snow covered everything in sight, a crisp white blanket that sparkled like thousands of diamonds in the bright morning sunlight. It was layered so thick she could barely tell that the trees were actually green underneath. She drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes and enjoying the feel of the clean air burning her lungs. She itched to go explore, to get lost in the forest of glittering white.

“Doctor! Doctor, where--” She turned around to find him leaning against the frame of the TARDIS doorway, hands in his trouser pockets and legs crossed casually at the ankles, the picture of perfection. As always. “Oh, hello. How long have you been standing there?”

He pushed away from the wall, lean form effortless transforming the momentum into long strides, closing the small distance between them. She fought to maintain her calm exterior, hoping to hide her stumbling heart beat as he casually bumped her shoulder with his, waggling his eyebrows. “Have to maintain some layer of secrecy.” He puffed out his chest. “Last Time Lord and all.”

She laughed, brushing off her nerves. “Right then, my mysterious Time Lord. Let’s go get us a tree.”

She began trudging forward through the snow, missing the momentary dumb struck look that crossed the Doctor’s features.

"So where have you taken us this time?"

"Somewhere in Canada. Newfoundland maybe? Didn't really check, just aimed for the wilderness." He smiled at her, teeth white like the snow, his sparking brown eyes causing her heart to skip a beat.

She faltered and he looked at her in concern. "You do have everything we need right, Doctor?"

His concern immediately faded, blinding smile firmly back in place. "Course! Transdeminsional pockets." He flapped his coat for emphasis.

"You think you're so impressive." Giving him a tongue touched smile, she picked up the pace.

"I told you already, I am so impressive!"

.....

The banter had been light, flirtations surprisingly at a minimum. She tried not to be too disappointed, after all, she was still enjoying herself. And she had decided long ago that she was going to stay with him forever, taking whatever form of friendship he offered. Or more, even though she doubted _that_ would ever happen. He was still her best mate, and she wasn't going to give that up for anything.

They had been walking aimlessly, enjoying the scenery and each other’s company, not really in any hurry to commit to a tree. She snickered at the irony. Commitment issues, with a tree. They found themselves walking parallel to a cliff face, the top towering high above them, trees scattered randomly around them. The tree just up ahead, though covered in snow, looked perfect. She couldn’t be sure of course, but it was enough to draw her attention.

Mid turn of the head to ask the Doctor’s opinion, a blur of brown rushed into her vision, disorienting her. A cool hand covered her already cold lips, fingers dug into her waist just below her coat, and what was probably in arm brushed against her lower back. She was hurriedly being pushed back, too quick and unsuspected for her feet to keep up. She stumbled in the snow, fingers and arms tightened, holding her up and pulling her closer. Flailing her arms, she managed to grip varying amounts and locations of fabric.

Her vision finally focused, dark chocolate eyes staring past her, something unhinged in their depths only reflected the frantic tone of his actions. A tremor of fear shot through her, quickly replaced by adrenaline. This wasn't the first time they had unexpectedly encountered danger. And if she had anything to say about it, it wouldn't be her last.

He pushed her roughly against a hard surface, most likely the cliff face they had been walking beside. His arm snaked out from around her, stopping at her opposite hip, the heel of his palm pressing her more firmly against the nature-made wall. Her stomach fluttered, arousal rising unbidden through her body. It was something she had thought about on occasion, the Doctor pressing her against a wall and having his wicked way with her. By every indication, this was not the time to be thinking that way. But until she knew what the problem was, her brain (and stupid hormone driven body) was going to conjure up whatever fantasy it wanted it.

He had been looking over his shoulder while her thoughts ran wild. Finally he looked at her, wordlessly telling her to remain silent. Nodding her head as best she could, he slowly removed his hand from her mouth, placing it on the rock face beside her head.

Their breaths mingled, white puffs in the cold air lingering proof of how close they were before slowly disappearing, only to be replaced an instant later. There was a shift in his eyes, a slight darkening as he looked at her. Rose felt suddenly exposed. If his superior senses hadn't already picked up her rapidly beating heart and shallow breathing, there was no way that his intense gaze could miss what she was sure was burning in her eyes. His freckles stood out against his pale skin and her eyes drifted to his lips, his bottom lip just asking to be nibbled on. Her eyes shot back to his in a desperate effort to derail that train of thought.

He had stopped breathing, her obvious actions no doubt making him uncomfortable. She needed to get a grip. She took a deep breath, thankful that so many layers minimized the sensation of her breasts brushing his chest. Debating whether she should inquire about their current situation out loud or not, she unconsciously chewed her bottom lip. She caught his eyes watching her mouth intently, causing her to wonder if she had misread his previous signs of disinterest.

A faint growl from somewhere behind the Doctor sent a chill down her spine. He made a shushing motion with his mouth, lips puckering amusingly like a fish without the normal accompanying finger to complete the action. Nodding once more, Rose remained still as the Doctor leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

"Wolf."

She gripped his jacket tighter and he pressed closer, shielding her with his body. They had faced a number of dangers together and she knew he wasn't protecting her because he found her incapable. Intelligent life forms could be reasoned with. Wild animals, no matter how smart, could not.

Snow crunched beyond her vision of brown pinstripes. Shutting her eyes, she pressed her face into the Doctor's shoulder, focusing on the approaching sound. The closer the wolf came, the closer the Doctor pressed into her, as if trying to merge their bodies with the rocky surface at her back.

Rose had seen wolves in the zoo, seen plenty of pictures in books and on the telly, but had never seen one up close. A loud sniff caught her attention, curiosity getting the better of her. Slouching down, she peeked under the Doctor's arm.

The wolf was larger than she expected, more the size of a baby bear than the large dog she had always envisioned. Its fur was dark grey, black and white dancing through its coat, giving it subtle patterns that rippled with each step. It paced back and forth, paws barely sinking in the snow. White puffs of air came out in perfect intervals, giving Rose the impression of a well working machine. A machine with claws and gleaming teeth, sharp objects that could probably pierce through her layers with ease, exposing the desirable pink flesh beneath.

What held her focus though were the eyes. Golden orbs watching them intently, raw intelligence glimmering in their deeps. Gold. They locked eyes, and Rose felt as if she was staring at herself, it's glittering gaze bringing back bits of repressed memories. Bad Wolf. She was awed and afraid of the pacing creature before her, wondering if that's how the Doctor had looked at her all that time ago. Try as she might, she couldn't look away.

"If I tell you to run, do it. Run to the TARDIS and don't look back." The Doctor's voice was barely above a whisper, the gentle ruffling of her hair the only evidence that she hadn't imagined it.

Straightening her back, breaking her entranced gaze of the wolf, she whispered in his ear, "I'm not leaving you."

His lips ghosted over her ear, "I'll be right behind you. I promise."

Any other time, the feel of his mouth brushing her skin would have made her agree to anything. There was no way in hell she was leaving him to face a wolf all on his own. It wasn't the most terrifying of creatures they had ever come across. But something about it being an animal from Earth, always depicted as vicious bloody thirsty beings, made the threat more real, hitting too close to home.

"No," she hissed between clenched teeth.

The Doctor pulled back to stare at her, every muscle in his body pulled tight, anger evident in his hardened eyes. She didn't flinch, glaring back at him with her own steely determination, fists tightly bunching his jacket to prove her point. She wasn't going anywhere without him.

A long, haunting howl sounded in the distance. The thick tension between them fizzled, replaced with nervous waiting. The wolf near them howled in response, sending chills through Rose's body. The Doctor's thumb made soothing circles over her hip bone. A different shiver spread through her, and she was oddly grateful for the impending threat as a valid excuse for her body's automatic reaction to his touch.

The howl in the distance sounded again, this time joined by several more voices. Rose prayed they weren't about to be facing down an entire pack, knowing that would be infinitely more hopeless than confronting a wolf on its own. The wolf just beyond the Doctor's back responded once more, joining its brothers before they had finished. A swift crunching of snow signaled the wolf's departure, Rose stood on tip toe to watched him scamper away through the trees.

The pair remained frozen, bodies still tangled together, waiting, listening for any sound that would signal the wolf's return. Nothing. Rose began to relax, the steady rhythm of the Doctor's breath in sync with the digit still working tiny circles into her denim, lulling her into complacency. She rested her chin on his shoulder, loosening her grip on his jacket. She absently rubbed his upper arms, working his muscles until they loosened under her touch.

A loud clamor came through the trees, Rose's eyes flicked around as the Doctor tensed again. A large moose burst into sight, giant antlers knocking snow off lower tree branches. She erupted into giggles, the moose pausing to identify the unfamiliar noise. The Doctor's hand flew back to her mouth, only making her laugh harder, the force moving her head so she could no longer see the animal.

"Stop it," he growled at her, his seriousness driving her hilarity to a new high, mixing with the relief of no longer being in danger and bringing tears to her eyes, body shaking against his rigid form.

His dark eyes narrowed at her, nostrils flaring when it became clear that she wasn't going to stop. He opened his mouth to presumably chastise her, but before he had a chance Rose bit down on his open palm pressed against her lips. He jerked his hand away, pulling away from her slightly, looking at her like she was deranged.

She gasped for air, trying to calm down. "Doctor, it's a moose."

He whipped his head around in time to see the huge dark brown animal romp away. He looked back at her, jaw slack and eyes wide. Rose wiped the tears from her eyes, finally getting her laughter under control.

"You bit me!"

She blinked. Out of everything that had just happened, that was what he picked up on? She shook her head. "You're unbelievable."

"I thought it was more wolves! You could have got my attention some other way!"

The mention of more wolves sobered her quickly. "You don't think they'll come back this way, do you?"

He shook his head. "No. But just to be safe...is there a tree here that tickles your fancy? I'd like to make sure we're back on the TARDIS before night fall."

Grinning brightly at him, she remembered the tree she was going to point out before things had gone downhill. "As a matter of fact..."

.....

Cutting down the tree had taken very little time, thanks to some advanced tools the Doctor just happened to have in his pockets. Not wanting to stay out and tempt fate much longer, she didn't complain. She only raised an eyebrow when he pulled out a small grey rectangle that somehow unfolded into an object that loosely, very loosely, resembled a sled. Securing the tree to the sled, they walked back to the TARDIS, hand in hand. The Doctor, of course, being the one to pull the rope attached to the sled. Superior biology, manly strength...Rose had tuned him out, focusing instead on the feel of his fingers twined with hers.

They had set the tree up in the library, where they were now defrosting in front of a fire. The Doctor sat with his long legs stretched out towards the orange flames, Rose tucked into his side, blonde head on his shoulder and feet tucked underneath her. They sat in companionable silence, admiring the green tree standing in the corner.

Its branches were nice and full, soft green needles that tickled her palms when she ran her hands over them. It was a perfect shape, save one spot in the back that stuck out just a little too far. The Doctor had offered to trim the branch shorter, she liked it as it was. The library, already one of her favorite places to relax, now smelled strongly of pine, the scent mixing with the smoke of the fire and the spicy scent of time that was the Doctor.

Rose felt at peace, and at home. She closed her eyes, listening to the crackle of the wood and the Doctor’s steady breathing. Every knot in her muscles slowly undid itself, soothed by the warm and cozy atmosphere.

The Doctor had rambled for almost a full five minutes before realizing his companion had only remained silent for so long because she had fallen asleep. Smiling fondly at her, he draped his arm more securely around her shoulders and picked up his book from the nearby table, in no hurry to wake her.


	4. Twas (not) the Night Before Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay on this one. I have a sick household, including myself, and yesterday was terrible. Still unbeta'd.

The Doctor was already in the kitchen with two steaming mugs of tea when Rose found it in herself to grace him with her presence. He would never understand how one human could sleep so much. She padded barefoot into the room, still in her pink sleepwear, or what he assumed passed as sleepwear. The lack of fabric on her practically sleeveless shirt and her too short shorts left him openly staring at her impossibly long legs. Their always-on-the-go lifestyle had certainly done her already shapely figure huge favors.

He was brought out of his appreciation (yes, appreciation, sounds much better than ogling) of her legs when they disappeared from view as Rose plopped herself in the seat across from him. She grumbled what he assumed was a thank you and grabbed for her mug, tea already fixed just the way she liked it. He claimed it was simply due to his superior observational powers. It was a lie. Well, not so much a lie as an omission of the full truth. For he was indeed highly observant of everything Rose, but it wasn't due to his superior Time Lord senses. Quite the opposite. It had everything to do with the part of themselves the Time Lords had fought so hard to control and oppress. The part of him that was having an increasingly hard time focusing on anything but the quiet moans of pleasure that Rose was making across the table every time her lips met the rim of the mug, pink tongue helping guide the warm liquid down her throat.

He cleared his throat to keep himself from moaning along with her, slightly adjusting himself in his seat, thankful the table was hiding certain aspects of his anatomy. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Hmm? Oh, um..." She trailed off, adorably scrunching her face, willing her brain to work so early in the morning. In his opinion, 9 am was hardly too early in the morning, but he was finding that a grouchy lack-of-sleep companion was not quite so companionable. They did live on a time machine after all, no point in cutting her sleep short when it wasn’t absolutely necessary.

He leaned forward, one hand cradling his mug while the other propped up his face, elbow resting on the table. "Let me guess. Decorate our hard earned tree?"

"No." She shook her head then took another gulp of tea.

He raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"No."

"No?"

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. "Did you lose your sense of hearing? Or did we stumble upon some sort of time loop? Because I'm pretty sure I said 'no' quite clearly. Twice." She smirked at him over her mug, mirth glittering in her eyes.

"You're right cheeky in the mornings, you know that?" She stuck her tongue out at him before returning to her drink. He rolled his eyes, ignoring the way that one tiny action, one tiny glimpse of that particular muscle, always made his thoughts careen down paths they shouldn't be going. "Care to explain _why_ we aren't going to decorate the tree? You're not planning on leaving it bare are you? All green and-and boring. Not that there is anything wrong with green, or not decorating the tree...I suppose. If you want."

She watched him for a moment, teasing smile spreading across her face. "You want to decorate the tree, don't you? You were looking forward to it!"

"What? No. No, that's not--"

"Admit it."

Any other companion, any other time, he would have denied it. Would have called it a silly little ape tradition that he couldn't be bothered with. Rose was always the exception. He feared one day she might ask too much, and he would have to tell her no. He doubted he would ever be able to turn her down, but the possibility was out there and it scared him to death. For now, he would give in to any and all she asked of him, giving her another tiny piece of his battered hearts each time, whether she knew it or not.

Didn’t mean he had to make it easy on her. “Maybe.”

She didn’t take the bait, merely grinning as if she had won the biggest prize in the universe. “I’ll take whatever form of defeat I can get.”

“Oi! I said maybe, that is not me admitting defeat. If I ever admit defeat, you’ll know it. The words ‘I admit defeat, Rose Tyler’ will reluctantly coming pouring out of my mouth, and my eyes will look like you’ve just kicked my favorite Canibunny.”

Her mug stopped halfway to her mouth. “Sorry, your favorite what?”

“Canibunny. It’s a cross between a dog and a rabbit. All the rage in, oh...31st century I’d say. Fluffy little critters, awfully twitchy though. I could take you to see one.” He wasn’t trying to distract her, not really. Well, maybe a little.

“Oh, no you don’t. You’re not getting away that easy. Just because we aren’t decorating the tree today doesn’t mean I don’t have something else planned.”

“So we will be decorating it then?” He tried to keep the excitement out of his voice. He still didn’t understand why he was looking forward to it. It was just a tree.

“Yup. Gotta let it...settle first.” She took another drink, avoiding his eyes.

“Settle?” He sat up straight, dropping his hand to the table, trying to catch her attention.

“Yeah, something mum always did whenever we were able to get a real tree. Let the branches adjust or some nonsense, never really payed attention to be honest. Think she just liked the look of it really.” Her eyes became distant, lost in some memory he wasn’t privy to. 

It was times like these that he feared she would decide to leave him, that he would no longer be enough. Sometimes he was sure that if she left on her own terms, deciding this life wasn’t what she wanted anymore, he was sure that it would hurt more than any other way she could leave him. Or be taken...things he didn’t want to think about just then. Mentally shaking himself, he tried to bring her back to the present. “Whatever you want to do. Still plenty of days left. So what’s on today’s agenda?”

“I have a couple of ideas, but the one I want to start with is reading Christmas stories. The TARDIS does have a section of Christmas stories, yeah?”

“What kind of library would it be without Christmas stories. Mind you, some of them are going to be different from what you’re probably familiar with. But I’m sure we’ll find plenty of books you know.”

“That’s brilliant! I’d love to see some new ones!” Her eyes shone with excitement and he couldn’t help but share in her feelings, her smile was always too infectious to ignore.

“Well, how about I go gather some up, so we can read in front of the tree, while you go shower?”

“Snacks?”

“Consider them taken care of.”

“Perfect, see you in twenty minutes?” She took one last long gulp of tea. He wondered how she hadn’t managed to burn her insides with a fast as she had devoured her drink.

“You say twenty, but I know you mean thirty.” He leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.

She rolled her eyes, standing up and reaching across the table, grabbing his barely touched mug. “No need to be rude. Thank you for the tea.” Winking and grabbing the sugar, she walked out of the kitchen. 

The Doctor was left wondering just how he had managed to lose his tea and when he had become such a pushover.

…..

The Doctor had grabbed several stacks of books, setting them on and around the single person chair that was now hardly ever used. That was fine with him, he preferred to sit as close to Rose as possible. Tins of cookies, along with two more mugs of tea, sat on one of the small tables nearby.

He was sitting cross legged on the floor, flipping through a children’s book, when Rose sat across from him, 30.33 minutes later.

“I told you it would be thirty minutes.” He didn’t even bother to look up, trying in vain to hide his smirk.

She leaned over and swatted him on the shoulder. “This is a lot of books, Doctor.”

“Well, we don’t have to read all of them. We can sort through them first, pick out ones we want and discard the ones we don’t.”

They spent hours sitting on the floor reading stories to each other. Children’s books quickly became his favorite. All the illustrations had Rose practically sitting in his lap so that she could see the pictures as he read. If she had caught on that he was now reading three children’s books to every one more adult story, she didn’t say anything. Nor did she comment when he held the book in the hand furthest away from her, leaving his other free to rest on her lower back as she leaned into him, elbow propped on his thigh as she stared intently at whatever book he was reading.

He was amazed at his own boldness, leaving his hand there for so long, with no real reason other than he wanted to. He was tempted more than once, more times than he would care to admit, to dip his hand lower, to trace the patch of skin revealed when she leaned forward with his fingertips. He didn’t. Coward.

Rose was currently half laying in his lap, convulsing in giggles at the current story he was reading. It was an alien children’s story where Santa had actual claws and gobbled up all the naughty children on Christmas Eve, thus the reason he was so plump. She had laughed as he read the description, but lost it completely at the illustration on the next page.

The Doctor glanced at their pile of books still to read. Only four left, the last one being ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ which Rose insisted be read last. It wasn’t the night before Christmas (although he had once again helpfully reminded her that they were in a time machine), but she insisted that the least they could do was save that one for last. It was her favorite.

Rose had laughed so hard at the current illustration, that she had rolled off of his lap, much to his dismay. She was on her back, head by his knee, clutching her stomach as her body spasmed with laughter. Gorgeous as she was at the moment, gold hair framing her beaming smile and sparkling eyes, he was not happy with the new-found lack of physical contact. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that it did not become him to pout. So he waited, drinking her in, letting her laughter wash over him, her smile burning brightly, always keeping his demons at bay. He was content to stay in this moment, a notion that didn’t come to him easily.

With a deep shaky breath she looked at him, face twitching with amusement she couldn’t tamp down. “Sorry, just...that picture. His eyes! And the…” she made scratching motions with her hands to indicate claws, no longer able to speak, laughter fighting to burst from her lips yet again.

He arched an eyebrow at her, waiting to see if she would be able to keep quiet. 

The lights in the library flashed violently, an alarm bell sounding and blaring in their ears. Rose sobered instantly. The Doctor looked from her to the few remaining books, then back again, indecision warring within. Someone somewhere needed help...but it was only four books. He could speed read them if need be. But what if even that would have them arriving too late?

Rose placed her hand on top of his, the angle was awkward and she couldn't grip anything but his wrist. He looked her, apology ready on the tip of his tongue.

She shook her head. "They'll be here when we get back."

.....

'When we get back' turned out to be very late in the evening (according to Rose time), so late that she barely mumbled a goodnight before dragging herself to her room for bed. They had spent the day trying to locate and defuse a bomb, some sabotage plot by another typical power hungry being who was afraid peace would interfere with their personal gain. Rose had actually been the one to figure it out at the last minute, leaving them scrambling to locate the explosive device. They had saved the day once again. And once again, the Doctor now had _hours_ to fill, long empty expanses of time to do anything he wanted. Only, everything he truly wanted to do involved his companion who was getting ready to sleep. Frowning, he wandered down the hall, letting the TARDIS decide where to take him.

He walked past the library five times before realizing why the TARDIS was trying to direct him there. The books, they were still lying on the floor near the tree. They had never gotten to the last one (or the other three, but they weren’t important), the one Rose had specially set aside, her favorite.

His body had decided for him before his mind had a chance to catch up and object. Crossing the distance in three long strides, he snatched the book then turned around, all but running to Rose's room.

The sight of her door sent the reality of what he was thinking of doing crashing down on him. His hearts beat rapidly in his chest and he paced outside her door, one hand vigorously running through his hair and the other clutching the book tightly at his side. All the reasons why this was a bad idea attacked him from every angle, whittling down his earlier surge of confidence to almost nothing.

"If you're going to keep pacing, would you please do it somewhere that is not in front of my door?"

His head snapped up, breath catching in his throat. He never got over how beautiful she was when her face was scrubbed free of her makeup, hair left down to wave and curl in random places as it dried in the air. He tugged on his ear, turning to fully face her. "Um, I...Sorry." He froze, unsure what to say, still unsure about even offering what he came for.

Her eyes drifted down to the book then back to his face. She was smart, his Rose. She also always knew what he needed. So instead of making a big deal out of it, even though he could see the overwhelming appreciation in her eyes, she turned it into a joke.

"Coming to tuck me in?" She raised an eyebrow, smirking as she leaned against her door frame.

He laughed, feeling the tension ease in his chest. "Well, I am old enough to be your father, and then some really." He clenched his jaw and watched her reaction with wide eyes. Brilliant, bloody brilliant. Of all the things to pop out if his mouth. Not 'I'd like to kiss you, Rose' or 'I would love to tuck you in as long as it involves no clothes, Rose'. No, he had to go and mention the large gaping age difference, even though this body made the gap appear significantly smaller.

She pulled a face. "Ugh, don't remind me. Not that there is anything wrong with your age, it's just not something I tend to dwell on."

"Sooo, not your father then?" Hope crept into his voice. She hadn’t ever acted like he was a father figure, but he had never put it so blatantly out in the open either.

"God, no." She laughed then walked into her room towards her bed, leaving the door open.

Well, that was a relief. At least she didn't think of him that way, as far as he could tell. Tentatively he stepped forward, stopping in the doorway, one foot in and one foot out, still teetering on the edge.

"Stop dragging your feet and get in here. You're reading to me by the way, but up on the bed. I don't need to feel like you are my dad, sitting in that bloody chair." She pointed to the high back chair at the end of her bed. It was something the TARDIS had provided for him as he gradually spent more and more time in here. Something Rose only ever used as an extra surface to toss clothes onto. She climbed into the bed, sliding under the duvet and patting the empty space beside her, smiling softly.

Definitely not her dad then. Returning her smile he fully entered the room, closing the door behind him. 

"And at least take off the jacket, I don't want to be feeling that scratching my face in my sleep."

He blinked. "Rose, I'm not tired. I slept the other day in the library. You found me. Granted it wasn't a full sleep cycle, but I'm set for several more days. Could probably--"

"Doesn't mean you won't end up staying. My bed, my rules. Jacket, off." She stared him down until he was forced to nod in agreement.

A new weight settled on his shoulders, hearts thumping wildly in his chest. It wasn't that they had never shared a bed before, but those previous times had been unintentional, unplanned. One trying to simply comfort the other after a particularly stressful adventure. Even though reading her a book was fairly innocent, the fact that him climbing into bed with her was for an intent other than comfort sent his mind reeling. Blood rushed to certain lower extremity. Cursing himself, he swallowed painfully, slowly removing his suit jacket, giving himself time to suppress the sudden hormone surge.

He settled onto the bed beside her, still above the duvet, and arranged the book on his lap. Rose rested her head on his shoulder. The scent of her recently shampooed hair overwhelmed his nostrils, sending his thoughts off track again. Perhaps he would stay. A little extra sleep never hurt anyone.

Rose poked him in the side. “Anytime today.”

Opening the book, leaning his cheek atop her head, he began to read, "''Twas the night before Christmas..."


	5. Cocoa and the Cards That Cut

The Doctor awoke to find himself pinned to the bed. It was still early, and the lights were all off in Rose’s room, the TARDIS more than happy to accommodate the slumbering blonde. For several minutes he just lay there, enjoying the feel of her warm body pressed up against his, listening to her steady breathing in the peaceful darkness. Truth be told, it was longer than several minutes. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to risk waking her. It's what he always told himself. Rose could sleep through anything if she wanted too, a little shuffling of the covers wouldn’t disturb her. As he focused more on how exactly they were arranged, he found it would take a little more than just a shuffling of the duvet too slip out of bed.

At some point during the night Rose (or was it him?) had kicked the duvet down to below his feet. He wasn’t covered, at least not by the blanket, and she was...mostly. He was flat on his back, one arm underneath Rose who was tucked close to his side, head on his chest. The duvet rested over her from the shoulders down, save one leg. One very bare leg that she had hooked over one of his, thankfully still covered by his trousers. That’s not what worried him. Even the arm she had flung across his chest didn’t worry him nearly so much as his hands. They had apparently wandered in the night of their own accord. Had he really been that tired?

They weren’t touching anything inappropriate, not really. It was more how intimate the contact was that had his hearts working over time. The hand attached to the arm pinned beneath her had pushed up her shirt and was pressed against nothing but skin. Skin that burned to the touch, sending flames scorching up his arm and setting every cell in his body on fire. His fingers twitched, wanting to explore every inch of her. He knew he wanted her, knew the signs and the way his body responded. He was immensely grateful for his Time Lord ability to maintain a greater sense of control over what he was sure would have sent him over the edge had he been a lesser species.

His other hand actually worried him more, resting tenderly on her cheek. Biological responses he could handle, nothing more than anatomy and hormones, science. Responses of the hearts though...that was something else entirely. And right now his hearts were bursting, filled to the brim with love and adoration. There was no escaping this, this was something he couldn’t just explain away. Sure if you broke it down you could pinpoint the chemicals released by the body when in love, but that was too much work. Always trying to suppress too many factors? He would go mad. And Rose would probably find a way to worm back into his hearts anyway. Part of his palm rested slightly on her cheek, fingers tangled in her hair. Experimentally, he brushed his thumb over her face. She sighed deeply, tilting her head towards his touch and then nuzzling back into his chest.

He froze, panic of getting too close once again tightening his lungs, making it hard to breathe. There were still so many layers between them, yet their limbs were so tangled together it was hard to tell where he ended and she began. Much like their relationship, he thought bitterly. They were so close, yet there were still so many things left undone, left unsaid. It would be so easy to let it shift, let things glide over the lines carefully drawn, pulling off layers that were slowly becoming more of an inconvenience than anything else. But there was always another reason why he couldn’t, another excuse.

He would leave things as they were, sneaking glances and touches without the weight of a real relationship and real consequences. It was wrong and he knew it, he just couldn’t bring himself to take that next step. Sighing, he placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head then began the arduous process of untangling himself from her and quietly getting off the bed.

Feet on the floor, he crept to the chair, grabbed his jacket and headed to the door. With one last glance at her sleeping form, he quietly shut her door and walked down the hall, each step more regretful than the last.

…..

Rose rolled over, cracking one eye open. The urge to fall back into darkness and slumber was overwhelming, but the bed felt suspiciously empty. She forced the other eye open. Gone. He was always gone before she woke up. Bloody alien. Short of completely throwing herself at him, she didn't know what else to do, how else to drop the hint that she was willing to cross that line. She had thought he felt the same, especially yesterday, what with all the touching. A shiver ran down her spine, mind drifting to a world where the Doctor had dropped his hand lower than just the small of her back. A familiar and frustrating warmth grew between her legs. If he didn't figure out whether he wanted to cross that line or not, and soon, she was about to make the choice for him. Or at least make it blatantly obvious, she could only hold out so long. And the sexual tension between them was rising to ridiculous new heights. Groaning, she pushed herself up and out of bed.

She didn’t bother trying to find him after she had gotten dressed. It was usually best if she gave him some space after they had slept together, without actually sleeping together. It was becoming increasingly frustrating, even though it gave her time to get back in control of her hormones. Dreams were never on her side when it came to waking up calm and collected, the extra time was a blessing in disguise.

Walking into the kitchen, with a small silver cardboard box, she found a pink mug, some how still warm, waiting for her. Smiling she set about eating breakfast before searching for the ingredients she would need later.

After cleaning up her dishes, she decided to pull out what she would need before trying to find the Doctor. She had the two jars she would need, the cocoa, the salt, the mixing bowl, and the marshmallows. She still needed the sugar, which she knew they had...somewhere. Opening a cabinet above one of the counters, she spotted it way up on the top shelf. She glared at the offending bag with her hands on her hips, as if that would will the sugar into her hands.

“I don’t remember putting you up there.”

“That’s because you didn’t. I did.” His voice came from above her head. Every cell in her body suddenly aware of his presence, right behind her.

She turned to look up at him, her shoulder brushing against his chest. Winking, he effortless reached above her head, grabbing the bag of sugar and setting it on the counter. A large smile lit up his face, crinkles around his eyes enhancing the happiness shining from within. She could get lost in those eyes. Was about to if she wasn't careful, her body was screaming to lean back, rest against him and forget the rest of the world.

She cleared her throat. “What would you put it all the way up there for?”

He shrugged his shoulders, not yet giving her space. “Need to be sure you still depend on me for some things. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t always need saving.”

“Jealous of my world saving ability?” She smiled, tongue resting between her teeth, teasing him.

“Something like that.” He stepped back, leaning against the island counter top, watching her, something in his eyes setting her nerves on edge, like he was reading between the lines and seeing every thought that popped into her mind.

She mentally shook herself, needing to change the topic. "So! Aren’t you going to ask what we’re doing?”

“Well, judging by the items on the counter, I could easily deduce what we are about to do. I’m brilliant remember? But I’ll entertain you. What are we doing?”

“You take the fun out of everything, you and your brilliance.”

"I do not! Can't help it if I'm brilliant." He beamed at her. "Now go on, tell me."

She didn't see the point in arguing. He was just as stubborn as she was, and it would get them no where. "Making hot cocoa."

Mixing the ingredients together proved rather easy, even for Rose. Before she knew it, they had two large jars of the mix prepared and stored, along with two hot mugs of freshly prepared cocoa. They took their mugs to the table, where Rose had set the box she brought with her.

The Doctor forgot his hot chocolate, temporarily drawn by the silver container. "Oh, what's this? Nibbles? Let me guess...cookies? Chocolate?" He opened the box then frowned. "Paper? Who wants to eat paper? Mind you there are some acceptable edible papers. But with hot chocolate? Ugh, that's horrid!" He let the top fall shut, pushing the box towards her with a disgusted look on his face.

She giggled. "It is paper, but it's not for eating. They're Christmas cards."

"Oh. What do you want those for?"

"To send to people."

"What people?"

She shrugged her shoulders, starting to feel slightly irritated. She tried to keep in mind that she was talking to an alien who had no roots to speak of. His planet, his people, had burned. Gone, all of them. From what she had seen, he didn't make a habit of keeping in touch with past companions either. Sarah Jane was evidence of that. 

"I dunno. Mum. Shareen." She paused, chewing her bottom lip, wondering if she should say it. They hadn't gotten along at first, but had quickly gotten past it, bonding over what they had in common instead of fighting over their differences. The other woman deserved better. "Sarah Jane?"

A dark look crossed his features, so quick she had almost missed it. He shrugged and grabbed his mug. "If you want." He look a long drink, avoiding her gaze.

She wondered if she had gone too far, over stepped a boundary she had somehow missed being there in the first place.

"I know what this is missing!" He hopped up from his seat, a blur of brown, returning just as quickly. He had a small yellow container in his hand. Flipping the lid open, he sprinkled a light brown powder in her mug before she had a chance to object. Flipping his chair around so he could straddle it, he sat back down, reaching across the table and dashing some of the same powder in his own mug.

He took a long swig, drawing Rose's attention to his Adam's apple. She stared openly, just noticing that he wasn't wearing a tie, the collar of his Oxford undone, exposing the long column of his neck. She felt her cheeks heat up, but couldn't look away.

Slamming his mug down on the table, Rose was jerked from daydreams of kissing up and down his neck, fingers raking through his chestnut hair. She coughed, eyeing her own mug, trying to pretend she hadn't been thinking about how salty his skin would taste in comparison to the chocolatey drink before her.

"Well, aren't you going to try it?"

"What is it?" She eyes the cup carefully, trying to figure out what the brown flecks in her drink could be.

"Cinnamon!" He was grinning like an overly excited child. Sharing something so obvious and wonderful, he didn't know how she couldn't have guessed.

It wouldn't be the strangest thing she'd ever tried. Taking a tentative sip, the flavor washed over her taste buds, sweetness exploding on her tongue. She closed her eyes, savoring the taste. "Mmm, this is good."

"Does this mean I don't have to write Christmas cards?"

"They're more for me than for you. It won't take very long, there's only a few people I've kept in contact with since I started...traveling."

The Doctor proceeded to ramble about cinnamon; uses for it, the history of it, any and everything she wanted to know (or didn't). As she frequently did with his ramblings, she only half listened, instead letting the low timbre of his voice surround her, bringing her to a state of contentment and peace she couldn't get any other way. 

She picked out five pre-printed holiday cards from the box, part of her a little sad that she would be needing so few. Really she could have gotten by with just three. She shoved her two favorites, one with a brightly decorated tree and one with reindeer in the snow, along with a pen towards the Doctor. She mimed a signing motion with her hand, since he was mid lecture on the monetary value of the spice on some planet she hadn't caught the name of. It was just as well, he might not have signed them had they had an actual conversation about it. It was hit or miss with what he referred to as 'domestics', even putting up a fuss when it was something he had agreed to. He signed the cards with a flourish then passed them back to her, frowning at his empty mug.

Rose finished signing the cards, with special notes for her mum and Sarah Jane, looking up just as the Doctor reached the end of his long winded ramble. He reached across the table, grabbing her mug and waggling his eyebrows before downing the rest of her hot chocolate. He set the mug down with a satisfied smirk. She rolled her eyes and stood up, grabbing both their cups. "I'll get us some more."

She had just put the sauce pan back on the stove to heat the milk, when she heard a shuffling come from the table.

"Rose, I...I need to go, uh...check something. Won't need your help."

By the time she had turned around, he was gone. She didn't understand. Was he upset she hadn't paid full attention to his cinnamon briefing? He had never minded before. She turned the stove off then started to follow him, something on the table catching her eye. She had stacked the cards neatly together before getting out of her chair. They were now askew, the one to her mum still open in front of where the Doctor had sat.

_With Love, the Doctor and Rose_

.....

The words echoed and bounced around his head. Six tiny little words, that meant nothing and everything all at the same time. Innocent letters that when strung together became menacing bars of steel closing in around him. He couldn't breathe, it was too much. All of it was too much. What did she think she was doing? Playing house? He was a Time Lord, not some pet.

Obviously, not some one you take home to meet the mother either. He slammed his fist against the wall, the pain bringing back some pinprick of clarity. He looked up and down the corridor, afraid that Rose had witnessed his outburst. He was alone, in some corridor no doubt deep within the bowels of his ship, the old girl keeping him away from his companion until he was fit to be seen again. He stroked the wall, mentally sending the TARDIS his apologies. She hummed quietly in response. 

He really wasn't being fair to Rose. It wasn't her fault, not really. He had agreed to all of this. He had even willingly signed the cards. How was she to know the way he would react when seeing the whole thing together? It was just too...too coupley. Something they very much were _not_. Never mind it was something that he very much wanted. That wasn't the point, that was never the point. And how else would he have her sign the cards? 'The Doctor and Rose, not a couple'? That was ridiculous. He was being stupid, over reacting. And he had just left her there...He smacked the heel of his palm against his forehead. He could just explain it to her. She'd understand, she always did.

.....

He hesitated for the briefest of moments before knocking on her very closed, very locked, bedroom door. The was a muffled shuffling from within. The lock clicked, the door opened slowly, too slowly. His mind and his hearts were racing, making time appear to move slower. He wanted to explain and apologize and a million other things all at once. 

The stony mask on her usually bright face shattered his exuberance, he spluttered, suddenly unsure of where to start. "Um, about the cards..."

"What about them?" She was listening, arms crossed, closed off, but listening. It was a start.

"It was too much."

She raised an eyebrow. "Doctor, you signed two cards. Two."

"No, not like that. The, er...the way they were signed. Together. Both of us."

Her eyes darkened, fingers gripping her arms tighter. Blimey, he was mucking this up.

"Could we just...could you just write them again? One from you and one from me?" That was brilliant! Why had he not thought of that before? He grinned at her, pleased with his solution.

Rose held up a finger, indicating him to wait. She retreated to her room, picking up the silver box of Christmas cards from her vanity. As she came back towards him, his smile slipped from his face. She looked angry, each movement she made was hostile and calculated. He wanted to run, this was not a version of Rose he saw very often, even less often directed at him.

"The addressed cards are on top." She shoved the box at him, forcing him to clumsily grab hold, his brow furrowed in confusion. "You can throw the lot into a super nova for all I care. Might as well toss the tree too."

"Rose, I--"

There was a soft whoosh of air as the door slammed in his face. He stood motionless, anger slowly boiling in his veins. His grip on the box became so tight, he was tearing it. Familiar handwriting on the envelope on top peaked his curiosity. Carefully pulling it from the partially shredded container he read the words written in Rose's familiar scrawl.

_Merry Christmas, My Doctor_


	6. Building a House

The Doctor wandered in a haze of disbelief, numbness creeping into to every fiber of his being. His legs moved jerkily, without any real thought behind the motion, just that he needed to get away from Rose. Not because she was a problem, but because he had obviously hurt her in his rush of trying to explain, words for once failing him and making things worse. He doubted she would appreciate him hanging around outside her door like a lost puppy.

He once again found himself in the library, the fire burning low and casting flickering shadows over their tree a safe distance away. Forcing the last few steps, he sagged into the single person chair, not feeling worthy of the couch he usually shared with Rose. It was funny how this room had become his sanctuary, his safe haven. Not because of the books. Oh, he always loved the books and they added a great cover story for why he was usually found in here instead of his own bedroom. But it wasn’t just the books.

The real reason was Rose. The time they spent in this room together meant more to him than he would ever be able to explain. Whether it was sitting in silence and reading their own book or cuddled together and reading out loud to each other, it was an easy way to unwind and get to know each other. The TARDIS had even made subtle changes to the room once Rose had started traveling with him. Rearranging book shelves, changing the furniture to be more comfortable and inviting, the addition of the couch that had become his favorite piece of furniture very quickly, even a television. Yes, telly in the library. Usually it was hidden behind a panel on the wall above the fireplace and it really wasn't used very often. But there were those days that they just couldn't bring themselves to move to the media room, usually because they had gotten to comfy leaning on each other. Every now and then, it came in handy.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sank further into the chair, the Oncoming Sulk in all his glory. The tattered cardboard box he had been clinging to tumbled to the floor. He sighed, a deep exhalation of air he felt from the tips of his toes, knowing that what he was about to do was only going to make him feel worse. Leaning forward, he picked up the box. He had shoved the envelope awkwardly back into the box as he fled the vicinity of Rose's room.

He pulled the envelope out, dropping the box back to the floor. The thunk of it hitting the carpet ringing too loudly in his ears. He traced Rose's slightly messy handwriting with his fingers, hearts constricting in his chest. With shaking hands he pried open the envelope to reveal the card inside. Barely registering the cover, he rushed to the inscription within.

_Merry Christmas! I know this stuff isn't really your sort of thing, domestics and all. And I promise next year to not make such a big deal of it (but I still demand a tree, no wolves next time please). I just want you to know how much all of this means to me. Sometimes traveling with you, hardly seeing or talking to people of my own place and time, I start to lose myself, forget where I came from. I get a very tiny glimpse of what it must feel like to be you, no planet or people to go back to, even if you wanted to. I don't know anything about Gallifrey or the Time Lords, so all I can give is what I have, what I know. Humanity. I know it's not the same, and I'll never be able to replace that loss, but all the same. I'm going to try. And just maybe, we can remember ourselves, together._

_Yours,  
Rose_

His hearts stopped beating, he couldn’t breathe, the words began to swim before his eyes. He felt like he was going to be sick, right properly, physically sick. Each of her words was like a slap in the face. The realization that she had to have written this _after_ he ran out of the kitchen only made him feel worse. He wanted to crawl away, into the deepest darkest room of the TARDIS and never leave. Never see another wonder of the universe, he didn’t deserve it. She had known, maybe not exactly what his sudden departure had been for, but she had an idea. She always did. She was only trying to help, to make him not feel so alone in the entirety of time and space...and he had thrown it back in her face.

He was a right arse. He shouldn’t be allowed to socialize, ever, with anyone. He leaned his head against the back of the chair, trying to breathe and not drown in his own guilt and self pity. He had to make it up to her, this wasn’t something he could just sweep under the rug and pretend it had never happened. Well, he could. And part of him wanted to. But that wasn’t fair to her. And it would probably drive her back to her mum’s in the end, something he couldn’t bear to think about.

But what could he do? He was no good at this, never had been (probably never would be). It was all so bloody...domestic. He groaned, looking down at the card still in his hand, truly noticing the cover for the first time. Two elves, rosy red cheeks and huge smiling faces (and some frankly ridiculous clothes, no self respecting elf that he knew would ever be caught dead in those outfits), stood outside what appeared to be a house covered in candy, the snow layered on the roof looked more like frosting than snow. Humans and their silly notions of Christmas, commercialized to no end, making up the most ridiculous, and sometimes brilliant, fairy tales to fit the images in their heads. 

He stared at the picture, the two elves looking too happy for his liking, their hand holding and bright faces mocking him. "I wouldn't be so happy if I were you, someone might come along and eat your bloody house."

An idea popped into his head, a tiny spark of hope igniting in his chest. It could work. Unless he mucked this up to, which was unfortunately a possibility. He was willing to try anyway. Now he just had to waste, oh, at least twelve hours, twelve hours of torture.

.....

He didn't like to brag, much. He said much, but what he really meant was usually. Well, by usually he really...anyway, not important. Point being, he could cook. Fairly well when he put his mind to it, better than Rose most of the time. This time though, it seemed he was trying too hard. His nerves (him, a Time Lord, nervous?) were getting the better of him, wanting to make everything perfect, needing Rose to forgive him for being such a bloody idiot.

He was on his third batch of gingerbread cookies? Squares? Pieces? Yes, pieces was appropriate. Not tiny, crumb type pieces. Larger, ready to make a house type pieces. Well, a small house. A very, very small house. The first batch had outright caught fire while he was in a different room, in a different corridor, looking for the gumdrops from 33rd century Wonka (the planet, of course). They had done away with the disgusting purple gumdrops that no one ever ate altogether, not bothering to find a replacement flavor. Perfect for making gingerbread houses, that would of course later be eaten. He wasn't sure what went wrong with the second batch. In his nervously excited state, he had messed up the measurements somewhere. The pieces came out tasting a lot more like bread, and a lot less...gingery. Had to be tossed.

Fingers crossed, figuratively, and pacing in front of the oven, he nearly jumped out of his skin when the timer went off. He pulled the trays out, careful not to burn his fingers, again, and set them atop the stove. He didn't wait long before popping his 'testing piece' into his mouth, making sure the flavor was right. Perfect, Rose would love it. Hopefully.

He turned to the table, visually taking inventory, making sure he had everything they needed. Gingerbread pieces (two special pieces set out of sight), frosting, a tray to put it on, gumdrops, candy canes, and various other candies were spread over the surface. All he needed was Rose.

He sent a mental inquiry to his time ship. Rose was awake, still in her room. It was mid morning, well past the time she normally came in to the kitchen looking for her cuppa. She was probably avoiding him. Not that he blamed her. He was actually surprised she hadn’t slapped him. Maybe she was saving that bit for her mum. He shuddered, remembering the time Jackie had indeed slapped him. A full regeneration later, and he was still feeling it. After pleading with the TARDIS for several minutes, he finally convinced the time ship to try and prod Rose out of her bedroom.

What seemed like an eternity passed before he heard her grumbling approach. Something about the lights in some bloody alien's time machine not functioning properly. He stood awkwardly by the table, shifting his weight from foot to foot, his mind screaming at him to run, hide, anything but stand there like a willing target.

"At least the kitchen lights..." Rose froze in the doorway. Eyes wide as they fell on him. She blinked, and he could see the wheels turning in her head, deciding between fight or flight. She squared her shoulders, looking around the room for the first time, taking in the confectionary jumble laid upon the table. She slumped just a little, chewing the bottom of her lip, before she brought her gaze back to him. "What's all this?"

Her voice was so small in the already smaller sized room, a slight tremor creeping in around the edges. His stomach dropped to the floor, this was all his fault. Him and his stupid gob that ran away before his brain could catch up. He stepped forward, wanting to touch her, the need to hold her in his arms burning through his veins.

She held up a hand, shaking her head. "Don't." Squeezing her eyes shut, she drew in a shaky breath. "Just answer the question."

The unexpected appearance of her palm, a barrier, another bloody line he wasn't to cross, had him stopping mid stride, not sure what to do now that he wasn't allowed any closer. He tugged on his ear, shoving the other hand in the pocket of his trousers. "Well, it's gingerbread...um, frosting, candy. Really everything needed to build a gingerbread house."

She looked at him blankly, hands fidgeting with the hem of her tshirt, exhaustion written in every line of her body. He had been so worried about how she would react that he didn't even notice her appearance, which was a crime somewhere he was sure of it. She wore an old faded pink tshirt, jeans, and no shoes. Her hair was tousled, still mussed from tossing and turning in her sleep, if she had even managed to get any. She didn't have on a trace of makeup. The rims of her eyes were red. She had been crying.

His hearts broke and he couldn't contain himself any longer. Closing the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, pressing her close to his chest, afraid she would fight him and try to pull away. He laid his cheek on her head, stray blonde hairs tickling his nose. He took a deep breath, his voice coming out thick and heavy, every emotion currently racing through his body weighing him down, "I'm sorry."

The stiffness left her body and she melted against him, arms snaking out to wrap around his waist. She nuzzled into his chest, for a moment he panicked, thinking she would hear his frantic hearts beats. Breathing a sigh, relief washing over him, he decided he didn't care.

Still holding her in his arms, he began to try and repair the damage. "I read your card."

"Oh?" Her voice was soft, no longer harsh and threatening.

"Thank you.” He gave her a brief squeeze, delighting in the feel of her body pressed close to his. “I have one for you, if you want to read it."

There was a long pause. "Yeah, ok."

Not ready to let her go completely, he grabbed one of her hands as they separated, fingers instinctively twining together. He caught her smile out of the corner of his eye as he lead her to the table. On the corner, a safe distance from the frosting, was a card, piles of presents depicted on the front.

With her free hand, she picked up the card and awkwardly opened it up. He watched her face carefully as she read the words he had penned the night before.

_Rose,_

_I'm the biggest arse in the universe. Sorry. Could you find it in your heart to make gingerbread houses with me? Well, I say houses...I mean house. One. There's a wonderful metaphor here that isn't transferring so well to paper. Ask me in the morning, hopefully I'll remember._

_Your idiot,  
The Doctor_

A tiny flicker of disappointment had crossed her face before being hidden from his view as she leaned her head on his shoulder. He knew what the cause was. Her card had been open and honest, sharing a piece of her soul. His had remained guarded, saying words that didn't mean as much once you looked beneath the surface. He hoped it would be enough, for now. He had written a different card, emotions clear as day in those words, words he wouldn't be ready to give her just yet. Later...hopefully.

"You really sign everything 'the Doctor'?"

He tried to look down at her. What kind of question was that? "What's wrong with that? That's my name."

"Well, yeah. Just didn't think you would include 'the', it's a bit pretentious." She moved her head, looking up at him, amusement in her eyes. "So, gingerbread houses?"

He held up one finger for emphasis. "Ah, house. One."

She scrunched up her face in puzzlement. "Why not two?"

He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, willing himself to look at her as he talked. "I thought we could do one...together. Team effort."

She threw her arms around his neck, releasing his hand in the process. Since it was in exchange for a hug, he didn't mind. Encircling her waist with his arms, he couldn't help the wide grin that spread over his face. She was forgiving him. He knew it wasn’t forgotten, but it was better. One step at a time.

She buried her face in his neck, lips mumbling a 'thank you' against his skin. He was sure it wasn't intentional, but the contact sent bolts of electricity shooting through his body, every cell focused on Rose. Then she was gone, pulling away and grinning madly, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Fine. We'll just do one. But it's going to have carpets."

He blinked, slow smile forming, mirroring the one she was still wearing. "As long as they're made of frosting, the house can have curtains too."

.....

Two hours later, their gingerbread house was complete. Two stories and woefully unfurnished. The outside was a bright array of colors, spirals of different candies looping and curling around each other. The carpet and curtains, along with the foundation for the precarious structure, was in fact frosting. There was even enough room left on the tray for a small yard, complete with frosted grass and candied walkway.

Just as Rose was laying the last piece of candy for the path, the Doctor got up from the table, returning with his two secret finishing pieces. She looked up at him in confusion as he revealed the items from behind his back, offering them to her, holding his breath. He held two gingerbread pieces, one a in the shape of a boy and the other in the shape of a girl (although if Rose had bothered to ask, he would have insisted on man and woman, he was very manly after all).

Beaming up at him, she carefully took the miniature cookie people and placed them, side by side, in the yard. She secured their feet to the ground with frosting. She then secured their hands together in the same way.

She sat back, admiring their work. "Perfect."

Compared to the house, the gingerbread people were awfully plain. They wouldn’t be nearly as delicious to eat later on. "Don't you want to decorate the people?"

She reached out, taking hold and squeezing his hand. "I like them just the way they are."


	7. Stitched Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to kelkat9 for giving me the inspiration to work through my writer's block. :D

Rose sat down on the edge of the metal grating, dangling her feet into the space below. The Doctor had removed one of the larger panels, just big enough for him to fit through, and was now working on something underneath the console. She had come to find him once, but upon seeing a shower of sparks explode from the floor, followed by several words the TARDIS wouldn't translate for her, she decided it was best to give him some space.

A little space was still fine with her, some lingering aggravation on her part heeding her ability to jump back into their normal routine. His apology yesterday had been sweet and unexpected, something she would never had thought he would do for her. They had fought before, faults on both sides, and he had apologized then too. Though usually not so willingly, and never accompanied by such a large gesture. To be fair, their arguments were either silly things that could hardly be called arguments, or it was an explosion. Heated words shouted back and forth as they ran for their life. Those particular exchanges often left her frustrated, wanting to snog the life out of him, swallowing his words with her tongue. That never happened, so she always remained frustrated to some degree.

Things had been slightly awkward at first, avoiding looking at one another and short, clipped banter. After eyeing the bowl several times, he had plunged two fingers into the frosting, scooping out a large portion and shoving it into his mouth. She couldn't help but collapse into giggles, easing the tension between them. Any remaining dissonance had vanished when they were forced to run for their lives later in the day. A big orange blob of what looked like snot had invaded their picnic space. The Doctor insisted it was harmless and misunderstood. Then it tried to gobble him up, instead of the food he tried to share with it.

Things were more or less back to normal. She wasn't mad anymore, not really. Just...frustrated. The card he had given her was sweet, his return of using 'your', admitting on some level that he was hers, was her favorite part. But it still lacked the same heart, the same openness she had given him. What had she expected? It was very him, and she couldn't be mad about that. She would just have to continue to accept that he would never open up to her completely. She would have to accept frustration. Without thinking about it, she knew she would. She always would.

So here she sat, wondering if yelling would startle him or if he already knew she was here. She tilted to the side, angling the path of her voice to where the banging was coming from. "Doctor?"

A burst of blue sparks temporarily illuminated part of the area, little pinpricks of light making wires and cables appear to writhe and twist in the darkness. A yelp and some more banging followed as the sparks died down. Footsteps retreated from her, echoing below the console so that she could no longer tell what direction he went. The sound grew louder, a head popped up from below, hair more wild than usual, sticking up and out in every way imaginable. He was facing away from her and she suddenly realized just how small the opening actually was, now that two people were trying to occupy the open space.

"Rose? Where...?" He turned around, her knees bumping against him in the tight area. His eyes widened when he found her so close. She tried not to let it go to her head, or her heart, when she noticed the slight bob of his adam’s apple as he swallowed hard before speaking. "Oh. Hello."

He wasn't wearing his suit jacket and the sleeves of his dark blue Oxford were rolled up to his elbows, exposing lean forearms that her fingers itched to touch. His lack of tie and unbuttoned collar had her struggling to keep her eyes on his face instead of his neck. Without thinking. she spread her knees apart, giving him more room to stand. Probably a mistake. Definitely a mistake. Now she wanted him closer, wishing he had kept his tie so she could yank him to her. 

A smear of something dark on his forehead, just above his right eye, caught her attention. She was surprised that, for once, this was the only evidence of his battle with the workings of the TARDIS. Before she could stop herself, she reached forward, attempting to wipe the blemish away with her thumb alone. She frowned when the spot remained plastered to his skin. Hooking the end of her sleeve over her thumb, she arched forward to try again. Her heart skipped a beat and her breath caught in her throat as he leaned towards her, tilting his head down and placing his arms on either side of her. She gripped the edge of the grating tightly, trying focus on keeping her other hand from shaking as she rubbed the spot off his forehead.

Reluctantly she pulled her hand away, the grime now transferred to her clothing, leaning back and placing her hand right next to his, but without actually touching. It was intentional and not really the most comfortable arrangement for her arms, one forward and the other slightly behind. It put her body in limbo, waiting to see what he would do. Her stomach flipped as she met his gaze, his eyes darker than usual. It was a look she had sometimes caught a brief glimpse of, but usually thought she was imagining things. Staring right at her, he wasn’t trying to hide it now. He had tilted his head back up and hadn’t pulled away from her, yet. Any minute he would, he always did. She held her breath, hoping, wishing.

One of his fingers ghosted along her wrist, just beneath her sleeve. She bit her lip, suppressing a shiver. His eyes darted to her mouth then quickly back up. Neither of them moved. Every part of her was screaming, urging her to close the distance, consequences be damned. She was surprised he didn’t hear the way her body called out for him. It was taking every ounce of strength to resist, to go at his pace. She was too afraid that if she rushed him it would ruin everything, and that nothing like this would ever happen again.

Her mind and heart racing, thoughts of kissing him consuming her entirely, she licked her bottom lip. Immediately his eyes drifted down again, watching her tongue drag across her flesh. She did it again, anticipation building as she noticed his eyes darkening even further. His shoulders were tense, and she knew he was fighting with himself. Could sense the subtle change in his muscles as reason after reason of why he should pull away bombarded him from some unseen inner demon. She rubbed her thumb gently over whatever part of his hand she could reach, feeling a slight tremor work through his hand and up his arm. She continued to trace circles on his skin, urging him on, trying to topple him over the edge and just give in. Heart hammering in her chest, she leaned forward, just barely, and dug her teeth into her bottom lip. He licked his lips in response, her heart stumbled over itself in her chest.

He leaned forward, stilling millimeters from her face, his breath puffing over her lips. Her eyes shot up to meet his, trying to convey everything she was feeling in one gaze, not sure he would be able to see anything other than unadulterated want. She saw his own desire, but it was tinted with anxiety, second guessing himself before he had even completed the action. She shifted her hand, linking their fingers together.

He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. Her heart sank, disappointment flooded her system. Tears came unbidden into her eyes, her emotions getting the better of her. Cold hard rejection stabbing into her heart. His breath puffed over her face, chest heaving with deep, heavy pants. He shook his head slowly, still resting against her. His voice came out broken and uneven, “I’m sorry. I don’t--I can’t…”

Taking a deep, shaky breath of her own, willing her tears away, she pulled back to look into his eyes. They were heavy with concern, panic, and something else hidden underneath.

“It’s fine.” Her words were short and clipped, unwilling and unable to say much else.

His eyes searched her face. When his free hand came up to cup her cheek, she knew she hadn’t done a good job burying her disappointment.

“Rose.” His voice was hoarse, dark eyes brimming with regret.

“I promise, it’s fine.” Pulling herself together, she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. She didn’t want him to pity her, or himself. What had just passed between them shouldn’t be viewed as a mistake. It wasn’t. Of course it hurt, but she didn’t regret it. Not one bit. She refused to let him feel anything but the same. “Just...don’t be sorry.”

He opened his mouth to argue, earning him glare and a poke in the ribs. 

She let her hand drop to her knee, not sure what to do with it now. “Don’t apologize for that. Now or ever again.”

His eyes looked doubtful. She stared determinedly at him until he finally exhaled and nodded before taking her by surprise. Leaning forward, anchoring himself with his fingers slightly in the hair behind her ear, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. A soft squeak escaped her mouth, a soft tingle of pleasure spreading from her head to her toes. She mentally cursed her body and its uncontrollable hormones. He released her hand and she panicked, thinking he would shy away, her reaction scaring him off completely. Instead he wrapped the arm around her, pulling her to his chest. He didn’t bother to hide how he nuzzled into her hair, inhaling deeply, breathing her in.

She leaned against him, worming her arms between them to rest her palms against his heavily beating hearts. She knew he cared for her, and now had more assurances that he was attracted to her on some level. But he was still afraid to move forward, too caught up on something he wouldn’t share. It was a small measure of solace, making the rejection sting just a tiny bit less. It was a start.

He leaned back, eyes wide with worry, the hand on her face yanked away to tug at his ear. The only indication she had that he wasn't trying to run far away being the hand splayed across her lower back. She dug her fingers into his shirt, trying to keep her balance with his sudden shift of position.

"This isn't going to make things...you know...weird, is it?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Depends on you."

He blinked, furrowing his brow. "Me? Why me?"

She decided on a partial confession, enough to let him know his advances would be welcomed, but not enough to let him know that he was partially breaking her heart. "Because, I'm pretty sure it was apparent that I was on board with...what almost happened. So you know where I stand. But if that's not what you want, that's fine too."

He ran his free hand through his hair, sighing in frustration. "It's not that I don't want to. It's...it’s complicated."

She fought to keep from rolling her eyes. Time Lord, of course it was ‘complicated’. "Right, well, the point still stands. As long as you don't make it weird, it won't be."

"And you won't...leave?" He watched her earnestly, placing his hand on the grating beside her, the vulnerable cracks in his voicing tugging on her heart.

"No, you daft alien. Whatever you want, just friends or-or more, I'm staying. Just don't make this a habit, yeah?" She didn’t think he would be that cruel, but it was best to just get it out in the open. Chances were, tomorrow, he would act like none of this had ever happened.

"Kissing?" The shocked look on his face told her he hadn’t given it a thought before the question popped out of his mouth.

"No.” She arched an eyebrow, wanting to ask if he wanted to rewind the past few minutes and change his earlier actions. “Almost kissing. I don't like being toyed with."

"Rose, that's not...I wouldn't...not to you."

She placed her hand on his arm, wanting to erase the distress that dominated his face. "I know. Just, wanted to be clear."

He nodded, solemn exteriour in place for only a moment more, before giving her a slow smile. "So...what's on the agenda for today. I promise to do whatever it is without a single complaint."

She grinned back, an idea she had been toying with popping to the forefront of her mind. "I have just the thing. But I doubt you'll be able to keep from complaining, so I'll settle for you simply doing what I ask you to do. No questions asked."

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t argue. "Deal."

"Oh, and you won't need to change." She smoothed the fabric over his chest. "This will be fine."

.....

Rose led him through several corridors, tugging him along by the hand. He was immeasurably grateful for her hand tucked into his, a comfort he thought he'd almost lost. He appeared calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside he was a jumble of emotions. The largest being regret. Regret for letting it get too far. Regret for not taking it far enough. He wasn't sure which regret he felt more, each one seeming to weigh equally heavy on his hearts. The easiest response was to make sure it never happened again. He couldn't bear to see that hurt and disappointment in her eyes again.

All traces of those emotions on her face were gone now. She was shining smiles and gleaming eyes, the mischief within glowing brighter with each step she took. He tried not to worry about what she had planned for them. Whatever it was, he was sure he deserved it.

She stopped in front of an unfamiliar door. It was covered by a bizarre pattern in many different darker shades of color, looking like scratchy wool but the surface was surprisingly smooth to the touch. He had no idea what this was. That didn't surprise him really, the TARDIS was infinite, he couldn't be expected to know every last room. And that was assuming the rooms stayed the same, which they didn't.

He looked her, eyebrows raised, awaiting an explanation. One that never came. She simply smiled wider, tongue poking out between her teeth, instantly making the regret of not taking things further overshadow any other regret he was currently carrying. She opened the door, stepped over the threshold and pulled him inside.

He paused, gripping her hand tightly, preventing her from leading him on. It was similar to the wardrobe room, only it appeared to have just the one floor. Shelves and racks stretched out in any number of direction, seemingly no order to how things were arranged. Every surface and hanger was covered in the same type of clothing article. Sweaters. All he could see were sweaters. Every color and style one could ever hope to find, and he assumed from any time period as well.

Rose had been watching him carefully, he was all too aware of her eyes on his face. He looked at her, keeping his voice and expression carefully neutral. "Sweaters?"

"Yup. Come on, the good ones are this way. I need you to help me pick one out."

Relieved that she was looking for something for herself, he gladly let her drag him down the aisles. Every now and then she slowed, running her fingers delicately along different textures and patterns, never stopping to pull it off the shelf. He wondered what exactly she was looking for.

Apprehension crept in as she lead them to a section tucked away in a forgotten corner. Garish patterns and colors jumped out at him, attacking his eyeballs and causing bile to rise in his throat. His feet turned to lead, dragging along the floor, his body physically rejecting the visual atrocity before him. Rose continued to smile, as if she was viewing one of the most beautiful things in all the universe, stroking a coral strut as she yanked him all the way into every fashion stylist's worst nightmare. How in Rassilon's name had she found this section? And why?

Upon further inspection, it was worse than he had expected. Random bits of fabric and odd baubles were attached to some of the tops, felted and stitched holiday themed pictures adorned others. His stomach churned. Christmas sweaters. Piles upon piles upon racks of Christmas sweaters. 

Rose dropped his hand, leaving him feeling out of place in the wide expanse of wool and holiday print. He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. Amid all the crazy patterns and colors, one thing caught his eye. Rose. She was a few feet in front of him, gripping the hem of her jumper and lifting it over her head. He felt an embarrassing pang of disappointment as a heather grey camisole was exposed before his eyes instead of creamy bare skin.

He snapped his jaw shut before she could catch him staring, slack jawed and dumbfounded. She looked over her shoulder, tossing her discarded jumper at his head. He stumbled backwards, hands too deep in his pockets too stop it's trajectory before hitting him square in the face. By the time he had disentangled the garment from around his neck, clearing his vision, she had pulled on one of the many sweaters laying around the room. It was a dark maroon, forest green triangles running along the hem and ends of her sleeves. The pattern was overall one of the less offensive ones in the bunch. His eyes roved her body, noticing where it hugged her curves in all the right places. He licked his lips, imagining her walking around the TARDIS in nothing but that sweater.

"So you like it then?"

He blinked. Oh, oops. She arched an eyebrow, fighting a smirk. He rubbed the back of his neck, forgetting he still had her jumper in his hand, the fabric still warm from her body heat. He coughed. "Um, it's..."

"Too normal then." She peeled the sweater off, tossing it aside.

He blinked. "Too normal?"

“You’ll see.” She disappeared down a side aisle, grinning like the chesire cat.

She was gone for several minutes, the Doctor too afraid to venture after her, not wanting to know what lay hidden in the racks and shelves he couldn’t see. She popped back into view from the next aisle over. Arms wide as she approached him. The new sweater had a base color of the same maroon as the previous one, but the similarities ended there. White and green stripes ran across her chest, the alternating colors turning into dots beneath her breasts. A large white stripe with embroidered green Christmas trees ran across the top, just below the multicolored collar. Large white puffs, assumingly imitating snow, were attached at random to the sleeves.

He pulled a face, holding his hand up, trying to block the image from view without blocking out her still beaming face. “What is that? Take it off. Please, take it off.”

She giggled then waggled her eyebrows. “Doctor. If you would have gone through with a specific earlier action, that statement could have been taken in an entirely different direction.”

“What? I didn’t-you…” He was sure his ears were turning pink. He had been thinking along those lines anyway, and wondered just how see through he was. "Oh, would you please just get rid of it. It's _awful_."

"Make me." She slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes popping comically wide.

Her taunt hung in the air between them. He clenched his fists, digging his nails into the palms, using the pain to ground himself. Every inch of him was overcome with the desire to chase her and strip the offending garment from her body. He knew where that road led, down a path he had already chosen not to take.

She dropped her hand to her throat, eyes sad and downcast. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...It just sorta...popped out."

He exhaled roughly, trying to push vivid mental images of a topless Rose from his mind. "It's fine. Just, please, I am begging you. Get rid of it."

She rolled her eyes. "This isn't even the worst one."

"You're trying on more?"

"Maybe..." With a flash of her teeth, she was gone.

This time he didn't wait for her. Despite not having much of a head start, she managed to stay ahead of him. He followed a trail of discarded sweaters, each more hideous than the last. He turned a corner, stepping over a discarded blue and silver sweater, large fluffy snowflakes stark against the zig zag pattern.

There she was, twirling around in a bright red sweater, eyes dancing with glee. It was a little longer than tops she normally wore, skimming the tops of her thighs. But it still managed to hug her hips just enough to drive him crazy. A green and white checker pattern ran around the edges of the sleeves and just above the bottom hem, red x's further adding to the already awful pattern. Three dimensional holly leaves were stitched into the red fabric over her collar and shoulders, each cluster with its own white flower, or snow flake, he couldn't really tell. Most of the front was covered by a large Christmas tree of differing shades of green. Snowflakes and white garland decorated the tree, along with large heart shaped ornaments, real gaudy gold bows and red bells giving the ornaments new life. The bells jingled as she spun around again, a soft tinkling that tickled his ears. What appeared to be two stuffed bears (each with their own dreadful sweater) sat on either side of the tree, one slightly larger than the other, but each with poorly embroidered faces.

His jaw dropped. It was the ugliest thing he had ever seen. And she looked absolutely stunning. The two images were so disjointed in his mind, he didn't even bother trying to make sense of it.

She stopped modeling to look at him expectantly. "Well?"

"Rose...that is...That. Is. Horrendous. Where did you even find that? It should be burned, it's a crime against humanity, against the universe."

"Perfect! Now close your eyes."

"What for?" Dread bubbled in his chest.

She tutted at him. "You promised to do as I asked."

Groaning, he obediently shut his eyes. This was not going to end well. There was some rustling from where Rose had been standing, followed by the tiny tinkling of bells as she approached him, each jingle building the dread in his body higher and higher. He felt something just beneath his chin, a warm firm pressure, and something lighter drape over his chest. Oh, no. No, no, no. It dropped away, he sighed in relief. Then it returned. He dropped his voice, a serious warning wrapped in a single word, "Rose..."

"Shush. Give me a mo."

He counted three more shirts and several stifled giggles before she told him to open his eyes. When he did, she was holding out a sweater to him, face the perfect picture of innocence. He shook his head. "I was wrong. _That_ is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen."

The bottom half was black, the top a light blue. Large white snowflakes were randomly stitched into the front. The word 'snow' was written in huge dark blue lettering, resting atop the black portion. Well, except for the 'o'. Instead of blue, the designer had thought it would be extremely clever to replace the letter with a snowman, complete with mittens and a hat. The 'n' had a sloppily stitched white checker pattern, while the two remaining letters had poorly done white stitches to make it seem as if they had been snowed on. But that wasn't the worst. Oh, no. The worst were the randomly placed Christmas lights. Lights that actually twinkled, bright colors shining and hurting his eyes (that was probably just the sweater in general).

She smirked. "It's for you."

"What?" He held up his hands, starting to back away. "No. I am a _dignified_ Time Lord, I do not wear Christmas sweaters."

She rolled her eyes. "I've seen what some of your past regenerations wore."

“Oi! I’ll have you know, that I have always been the epitome of fashion, for the appropriate time period.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Now put it on.”

“Rose, please…”

“You promised. Anything I asked.”

She was right. The unspoken ‘you owe me’ punching him in the gut. Grumbling, he shoved her jumper into a pocket (bigger on the inside) and began to unbutton his oxford.

She cleared her throat. “What are you doing?”

He stared back in confusion. “What you asked me to. I’m not letting that awful excuse for a shirt touch one of my best button ups.” He scoffed then continued to undo button after button. Pulling the shirt off, revealing his vest top, he shoved that into his pocket as well. Rose’s outstretched arms had gone slightly slack, her eyes darkened the same way he had seen them when he had almost kissed her. Oh. He was an idiot. Undressing before her as if nothing had ever happened, well, almost happened.

Gingerly, he stepped forward, watching her chest rise and fall unsteadily as she tried to come back to reality. He wasn’t cruel and didn’t want to make her feel more uncomfortable than she probably already did. So, with a great hit to his pride, he took the sweater from her hands and yanked it over his head. Well, tried to. He got tangled in the loose threads inside the sweater, for a terrifying moment, he thought it would strangle him. Regeneration brought on my ugly Christmas sweater. He would have died, again, from shame.

He popped his head free, arm in their appropriate sleeves. “Ha!”

A flash temporarily blinded him. Blinking away the floating white dots, he saw Rose, grinning from ear to ear. She held her camera in her hands, twirling the wrist strap in her fingers. His eyes widened in fear. “You didn’t?”

“Blackmail. Or maybe I’ll show mum just for fun.” She took a step backwards.

Jackie would never let him hear the end of it. “Rose, delete it.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Make me, Time Lord.”

A rush of excitement flowed through his veins. This time the taunt was too much to pass up. He lunged at her, fingertips brushing the edge of her sweater as she ducked to the side with a squeal. He wouldn’t make her delete it. But he wasn’t going to tell her that. Not until he caught her.


	8. The Drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my brilliant beta, almondina.

Catching her around the waist, he hefted her over his shoulder, hooking his arms around her knees. Rose had yelped and flailed her limbs when he lifted her into the air, she was now suspiciously still. No more yelling, no more protests or feeble attacks to his backside. He was almost concerned that he had hit her head on something as he carried her through the Sweater Room and back out into the corridor. Almost. She began bending her legs at the knee, a steady alternating up-down pattern in perfect sync with his footsteps. He smiled and held on tighter, anchoring his arms to prevent the temptation to reached up smack a particular curved part of her body that was closer to his head than he had anticipated.

Safely out in the corridor, he placed her back on her feet. Swallowing hard as his hands skimmed up her legs to rest on her hips, he helped her regain her balance. She gripped his biceps, rocking unsteadily on her feet as the blood that had pooled in her head rushed quickly down towards her body. Faced flushed and hair no longer perfectly set, the urge leave his own touch to her disheveled state burned in his veins. He tried to tamp it down, get his thoughts under control.

She blinked several times, sliding her hands down to his forearms, camera dangling from one of her wrists. The display screen was on and he craned his neck to get a better look.

She stepped back, clutching the camera to her chest and pushing the off button. A slight stain of pink still tinged her cheeks as she smiled at him nervously. 

His fingers twitched in the now empty space between them, Rose having stepped beyond his reach. Arms flopped loosely at his side, soft scratch of wool making a different noise than the rustle of his suit. He eyed the camera. "Were you still taking pictures?"

The flush on her cheeks darkened. "Maybe."

"Of what? The sweaters?"

"We'll go with that." She turned on her heels, bells tinkling with the movement.

Why would she take pictures of folded up (and hideous) sweaters? It's not like she would take pictures of the back of his sweater, the back was fairly boring. Wasn't it? Frantically he groped at his back, twisting his neck in every direction, managing only to catch glimpses of his (frankly magnificent) bum. He didn't feel anything different though...so that ruled that out for sure.

He stepped forward, walking after Rose, who was now several paces ahead. He had intended to ask her again just what she had been taking pictures of when a thought crept in, whispering a far flung possibility. No. She wouldn't...would she? He knew she found him attractive and before earlier today would have thought that it was just the surface she liked. Apparently, he had misjudged just how much she liked said surface. It was still highly doubtful, but if she had taken pictures of his bum, he vowed to wear the bloody sweater whenever she asked him to, even in front of her mother.

He picked up his pace, eager to get a look at the camera and find out what was on the memory card. When she was about two steps ahead, he reached out, meaning to take her by surprise.

The TARDIS lurched, throwing them both into the wall. The Doctor quickly tried to right himself, hearing Rose's muffled oomph as she had crashed into the wall just in front of him. He grabbed her hand as the ship jerked again, sending them violently to the floor. He yanked on her arm, changing the angle of her fall so that she landed on top of him instead of face first on the hard ground.

She gripped his arm with her free hand, the TARDIS shuddered as she turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were full of concern, but there was no trace of fear. "What the hell is going on? What did you do?"

"Me? What makes you think it was me?" Here he was, saving her pretty face and thinking about how fearless she was...and she was accusing him of something that wasn't his fault. Probably. Maybe.

"Well, I wasn't the one 'fixing' the TARDIS earlier now was I?"

He stared at her. "Shit."

She blinked in surprise. "Did you just...?"

"Yes, Rose. I did."

She giggled then collapsed against him as the time ship came to violent stop. They had crashed.

They helped each other to their feet, shaking limbs out as they made their way to the console room. He was certain he knew what the problem was, but that didn't make it any better when he saw a small wisp of smoke weaving up through the metal grating.

"Oh, no, no, nooooo." He rushed forward, crouching down and peeking through the small holes in the floor. He could just barely see the problem. He hopped up, pulled the panel off then dropped down into the hole. He walked over to where the smoke was coming from, the same area he had been working on before, not that he was going to tell Rose that.

"I hate when the dematerilisation circuit gets fried," he groaned and pulled the piece out of its usual spot. They wouldn’t be going anywhere until he acquired a new one. He climbed back out of the opening, not bothering to replace the panel. 

Rose was sitting cross legged on the jump seat, fingers drumming on her knee. "Well?"

"Well...it wasn't the Klister Valve like I thought. Which is good."

She stopped fidgeting. "So we're ok?"

"No."

"But you said..."

"Hmm? Oh, that? Yes, yes I did. And that's good. But the dematerilisation circuit is completely fried. We're stuck." He tossed the broken piece of equipment to her, walking over to the display in the process.

She caught the lump of machinery, unfolding her legs to get down and stand beside him.

"Brilliant!" He wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off the floor. Squeezing tighter as she laughed and returned his embrace. He set her down, releasing her and dashing away, needing to put distance between them before he did something stupid. Again.

"What's so brilliant?"

"We've crash landed on planet Nodjac, just about fives minutes from one of their larger towns. I should be able to pick up the new part there. And then we'll be off!" He grabbed his tan coat from one of the coral struts. Shrugging it onto his shoulders, he wiggled his arms...something didn't feel quite right.

There was a bright flash. The stark white cleared and he looked at Rose, holding the camera, in confusion. "What was that for?"

She walked forward, placing the camera in his hand, chuckling quietly.

He looked at the picture on the tiny view screen then hurriedly down at his chest. He was still wearing the bloody sweater. He looked absolutely ridiculous. "I look terrifying. And not in the scary monster kind of way, but the he's lost his bloody mind way."

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I think you look adorable." He wasn't sure if he should preen or be insulted. Were Time Lords allowed to be adorable? In his peripheral vision, he saw her other hand inching towards the camera. He closed his fingers, trapping the camera in his fist.

He looked down at her, one eyebrow raised. "Really? Adorable?"

She blinked. "Well, yeah. But I also _really_ do not want you looking at those pictures."

He schooled his features. "Well in that case..." As soon as her grip on his shoulder relaxed he twirled away, grinning madly and waggling his brows. "I better look."

Her eyes widened and she darted after him, protesting as they ran circles around the console.

He flipped through the pictures on the screen with lightning speed. Sure enough, ten pictures had been devoted to his bum as he had carried her through the Sweater Room. Most of them were blurry and out of focus, but she had managed to capture a couple good ones while hanging over his shoulder.

He spun around. "Rose Tyler. Was this you? Taking photos of my bum?"

Her face turned bright pink. And she stared at him blankly. "I...um..."

"Wellll, I can't exactly blame you. I did get a frankly magnificent one this time around." He winked at her then made a face. "Some of my past selves were not so fortunate."

She crossed her arms. "You are unbelievable."

"Oh, don't be jealous. Your bum is quite extraordinary as well. Rather photogenic too, I would imagine." He snapped his jaw shut. He had been thinking about it, taking pictures of her bum was a wonderful idea. But he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

They stared at each other, the line he had said he wouldn't cross was crumbling before his eyes. 

He panicked, tossing her the camera. "Right, then. Allons-y!" He walked past her and down the ramp, mask of excitement covering his inner turmoil. He hoped she wouldn't get upset and choose to stay behind.

He stepped out the TARDIS doors, trainers crunching the purple snow native to the planet. Rose followed behind, eyes wide. He grinned at her. "Purple snow."

She took in a breath. "It's beautiful."

He grabbed her hand, still smiling wide. "Let's go."

.....

The trip into the alien town had been quick and uneventful. A brief haggle over price and the Doctor had a brand new dematerialisation circuit in his pocket. The walk towards civilization had been equally plain, save one thing. Rose had spotted a series of hills, covered in the deep purple snow. She had jerked him to a stop, pointing out the smallish figures weaving down the slopes. Sleds, she had spotted an alien sled park and was adamant that they go. Naturally, he gave in, on the condition that they purchase the piece for the TARDIS repairs first.

Here they were, after hitching a ride on the lift, standing at the top of the highest slope (bunny hills, Rose? do I look like a twitchy rodent to you? don't...don't answer that). He pulled a small red rectangle out of his pocket, traced a pattern along one of the long sides then set it down on the ground. Rose jumped back as the box vibrated before molding into a sled.

"How many of these things do you have?"

"Just the two. Well, one actually. The other, the one we used for the tree is a different model. And also still on the TARDIS." The weight of his implications settled on his shoulders. One sled. They would have to share. He should have thought about that before insisting they go down the largest hill. If they had stayed at the bottom, they could have taken turns.

"So...I'll sit in front then?"

He tugged on his ear, staring intently at the sled, imaging the possibilities. Wrapping his arms tightly around her (don't want to fly off), resting his chin on her shoulder with heads pressed close together. Hands anchored on her hips as he held her flush against his chest, her body nestled between his legs. That was brilliant, it would be perfect. His throat went dry, body heating up unnaturally fast, his trousers beginning to feel just a tad too tight. It would be a disaster.

"No. Definitely not. No. Just...no."

"Why not?"

He waved his hands in the air, trying to come up with a credible argument. "Because, Rose...I should be in front. To protect you in case wildlife gets in the way. Or a rock. Or a tree. Trees are tricky."

"Doctor, I know how to drive a sled."

"Not like this. This one is 300 years in your future, air brakes come required. You won't know how to use them, or handle them if you end up having to use them. I am _not_ teaching you on this hill, this-this mountain. No thank you, Rose. I'm driving."

She chewed her bottom lip, always a distraction to his ongoing thought processes. "Fine."

He took his coat off, knowing full well he looked absurd in his festive sweater. He held it out to her. "I can't wear this while I'm in front. You'll have to wear it, then sit on the loose ends."

She nodded, taking it from him and slipping it on as he climbed onto the sled. After situating himself, he looked over his shoulder, ready to instruct Rose to climb aboard. He felt his eyes bug out of his head, hearts jumping to his throat. Rose had worn his coat before, but it had always been while sitting or laying down, never while standing, her blonde hair popping against the purple snow. It was obviously too large and too long, but it didn't make her look small. She stood tall, the coat fitting to her body instead of swallowing her up. The image was highly arousing, the fact that she would later carry his scent (and the coat hers) only deepening his desire. It was a good thing, a very, very good thing, he had insisted on sitting up front. There would be no hiding what would have been poking Rose in the back.

She hadn't been paying him any attention, too engrossed with the sights of this new planet. The wonder in her eyes and delight in her smile always filling his hearts with adoration. He choked out her name, voice surprisingly low, "Rose?"

She turned to him, approaching him slowly, some inner conflict evident in her eyes. With a deep breath and a forced smile, she climbed behind him on the sled.

There was a bit of shuffling, the sled shaking, as she presumably adjusted his coat around and beneath her. There was a moment of total stillness, then he was being enveloped in Rose. Her legs slid around him and alongside his own. Her arms wrapped around his waist, snugly pressing her chest into his back. Her cheek lay on his shoulder. He could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest, something that would normally expand his already large ego. Right now, he could only think of one thing. Breasts. Rose Tyler's breast were pushed against his back. If he died today, he would die happy. Sweet Rassilon, how was he going to steer a sled in this state?

"Are we gonna go anytime today?"

He shivered, blaming the cold, but knowing it was feeling her mouth moved against his back. Two layers of separation and his bloody body was still trying to respond. He tried to clear his mind. "Didn't know you were ready."

"As I'll ever be." She sounded irritated, but the almost incident from earlier was enabling him to read her in a new light. Her frustration probably had more to do with the close physical arrangement than the fact that they were about to careen down a large hill on a thin piece of wood. Well, an alien alloy made to look like wood.

He took in a deep breath, futilely trying to ignore the passenger clinging to his back. "Allons-y!" 

Using his feet, he urged the sled down the slope. The swift drop and acceleration had Rose squeezing him tighter, arms and legs. His hearts skipped several beats and his head was swimming in thoughts of _RoseRoseRose_. He needed to focus. Using all his willpower, he snuffed out the hormones surging in his system. 

He gripped the bar, using the foot pedals linked to the sled's rudders (this was an advanced sled after all) to steer them in a large weaving pattern down the slope, carving a path in the snow. They picked up speed and Rose laughed into his back. His sharp eyesight allowed him to pick out the perfect course down steep dips and around trees, avoiding bumpy terrain.

They were about halfway down when Rose shifted, planting her chin on his shoulder. Her warm breath came in quick puffs against the skin of his neck, her nose and laughter tickling his ear. Goosebumps erupted up and down his arms, a pleasant tingle starting at the base of his spine. His vision blurred, and he almost ran them into a snow drift. They wouldn't have died, but they probably would have toppled out of the sled.

He slammed one foot down, jerking the sled around the obstacle. Rose squealed, instinctively ducking her face into his neck. The feel of her lips pressed against his flesh (intentional or not, kiss or not, didn't matter) sent a shock through his body. His other foot slammed down, lurching the sled to the opposite direction, heading straight into a copse of trees.

He cursed, willing his body to pay bloody attention. Rose peeked up, only to duck again and squeeze him tighter. His grip on the bar turned his knuckles white as he swerved around tree after tree.

They burst out the other side, a small snow drift sending up clouds of purple. His heart sank, dread pooling in his stomach. There was a drop straight ahead, unavoidable. He had no idea how far down it was. 

.....

Rose flew into the snow bank, body thankfully cushioned by the purple fluff. Adrenaline coursing through her body and now safely out of danger, she let out a long loud laugh. She had heard the Doctor hit the snow just to the side of her, along with a crack, the sled hurling unmanned into one of the large trees. Her laughter trailed off, unfounded panic clawing through her initial relief at surviving in one piece. Usually the Doctor's lower pitched laughter would join in with her own at this point, a perfect harmony signifying their joy in being alive.

She rolled to her side, laughter dying on her lips as her eyes fell on the still form of the Doctor. Scrambling through the snow, purples flakes flying in the air, she knelt by his side. She placed her palms on his chest, sighing in relief at the steady beats of his hearts and the shallow rise and fall beneath her hands. He was breathing, but for some reason unconscious. Terror seized her heart and she gingerly ran her fingers across his forehead, just beneath a gash that was slowly oozing blood. 

The sled hadn't hit the tree. The Doctor had, head first.

Rose stood back up, planting her hands on her hips, muttering under her breath, “Superior biology my photogenic arse.”


	9. And It All Went Downhill from There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my beta, almondina. Without her, this chapter would have been a hot mess.

Rose pondered the situation for several long minutes. Her initial panic had vanished once she determined the Doctor was alive, knowing his injury would eventually heal. It was time to get down to business. Rose Tyler was no damsel in distress. She had gotten them out of worse situations before, she could handle this. Digging in one of his coat pockets she found a handkerchief, or what she hoped was one, and carefully dabbed at the gash on his forehead to clear away some of the blood. It wasn't oozing anymore, probably his 'superior biology'. His superior hearing was going to get a real what for later on. What kind of driving had he called that? He was better at navigating the TARDIS, which was saying an awful lot. After cleaning it up a bit, the wound didn’t look nearly as bad. The impact had probably been worse, she flinched just thinking about how that must have felt.

Treading carefully, she walked a few feet to the right to get a better view of the area. There was still at least a third of the hill to sled down. She could go down alone, get to the TARDIS for supplies, and come back for him. Trying to relocate the Doctor's body on the massive unfamiliar hillside seemed like a daunting task. She shook her head, that wouldn’t work. There was no way of telling how long trying to find him again would take. She couldn't risk leaving him vulnerable and out in the open. Even if there was no dangerous wildlife to speak of, he was the last Time Lord. In the wrong hands that would be a fate much worse. 

She would have to take his unconscious arse with her. Brilliant. The sled wasn't exactly made to carry someone who couldn't stay on themselves, she would have to hold on to him while trying to steer. A million different possibilities ran through her mind, only one sticking out as the most practical way to arrange them on the sled that still allowed her use of her feet. Oh, this was going to be embarrassing. Best to get it over with now while he was still out cold.

Hefting his limp body onto the sled took most of her energy. She was always surprised at how heavy his skinny frame was (this wasn't the first time she was forced to cart around an unconscious Time Lord). She had panicked a few times when the sled had nearly slid down the hill without them on it. She really didn't fancy carrying him the rest of the way down the slope. After several failed attempts, she managed to awkwardly arrange his body around hers so that he wouldn't fall off, yet still allowed her to steer, hopefully. 

She was perched on his lap, his legs positioned in between hers, preventing them from dragging along the snow. His torso was wrapped around her like a coat, his chest resting on her back and his head lolling on her shoulder. She had contemplated winding his arms around her waist, but without him being able to hold on, that would only satisfy her desire to feel him surround her, not help them get to the bottom in one piece. Instead his arms were loosely stretched alongside hers, her hands gripping tightly to his as well as the bar across the front of the sled. Shifting and trying to get a little more comfortable, she took a deep breath. Despite him being an unwilling participant, her heart raced in her chest, both from nerves and from his close proximity. Their earlier arrangement had been wonderful and irritating all at once. And she had actually ended up being thankful that he had insisted on being in front, where he couldn't see her face. If the stupid git would have just kissed her...

She sighed, lightly shaking her head. No time to worry about that now, she needed to get back to the TARDIS. With only one false start, they were off. Steering the sled was surprisingly easy and she wondered what his fuss had been about earlier. He _had_ seemed slightly uncomfortable. Pushing it to the back of her mind, she focused on navigating, enjoying the rush of adrenaline as the scenery flashed past.

Coming to a smooth stop, Rose laughed aloud. She had made it and thankfully knew just which direction to go to get back to the TARDIS. She released her hold on the bar, slowly lowering the Doctor's arms so his torso could gradually slide away. His hands tightened in hers, long arms looping around her waist. She froze, holding her breath. He nuzzled into her back, squeezing her tightly, and mumbled, "Mmm, Rose."

Her heart hammered against her chest, face turning bright pink. She waited for him to stir, realize what he was doing. Gradually his arms went limp, fingers barely holding onto hers. She released her breath. He was passing back out. He must have been dreaming...or he hit his head a lot harder than she thought.

Prying his arms from around her waist, she leaned him back, his head dangling off the back end, dark hair brushing the snow. Rising from his lap, she rearranged him as carefully as possible, his legs hanging off the front so that his head could rest on the sled. Fishing through his coat pockets once more, she came up with a short piece of rope. She looped it around the bar then began hauling him back to the TARDIS.

.....

Once inside, she dragged the Doctor’s body to the library, deciding that she needed to keep an eye on him but not wanting to hover in his room. She propped him up and carefully removed the sweater he had been so graciously wearing. She traced a finger softly down one of his now exposed arms, admiring the lean muscles just beneath the skin. His vest top hinted at a slightly toned chest, it was all she could do to keep from removing the next layer of clothing.

Smiling lightly, she remembered another time she had to undress him while he was unconscious. He had been new to her then, changing his whole appearance in a burst of golden light. His dark puppy dog eyes and beaming smile had caught her off guard, a complete turnaround from the piercing blue and ever present scowl. She had quickly learned that they were as a cover, the personality of her past Doctor bubbling below the surface. There were times she still missed the old him, a part of her knew she always would, but she had quickly grown attached to this version as well. With his wild hair, manic energy, and skinny frame he definitely won the looks lottery this time around. She was a little disappointed that she wouldn’t need to undress him entirely this time. Although, with the way things were between them right now, maybe that was a good thing. There would already be enough questions already once he woke up.

Grunting, she managed to lift his body on to the couch. She arranged him as comfortably as she could, then covered him with a blanket from the stack near the fireplace. All that was left to do was wait. She couldn’t repair the TARDIS, would probably do more damage than good. But she wasn’t worried about being attacked, she would be safe inside and the natives had seemed friendly enough. She made a mental note to ask the Doctor to teach her how to fix the TARDIS, adding it to the small list of things he was already teaching her like piloting and communicating with the time ship. Deciding he would be alright without her for a little while, she went to shower and change into her jim jams.

Returning to the library, she checked the cut and found it nearly healed. Come morning he wouldn’t even have a scar. She wiped away the dried flecks of blood from his forehead with the damp washcloth she had brought from her room, making the flashbacks to their second Christmas together hit her even stronger. She half wished for some sort of danger, just so he would wake up. Nothing too terrible or threatening, just something to give her an excuse to wake him. The same fear of not knowing how long he would be out for crept into her veins, tensing her muscles and completely erasing the soothing effects of her earlier shower.

Sighing, she settled on the floor in front of the couch and mentally asked the TARDIS to bring out the telly. It had taken time and a lot of practice, but with the Doctor’s encouragement and coaching, Rose had learned how to send the TARDIS small mental commands. Each time got easier and easier. She couldn’t communicate with the time ship as well as the Doctor by any means, but she was proud of herself nonetheless. He seemed quite proud of her as well.

Rose wasn’t sure how many Christmas movies she had watched. She was starting to drift in and out as the TARDIS merely continuing to play movie after movie. Eventually, the exhaustion of the day caught up to her and she fell asleep.

…..

The Doctor woke with a start. The last thing he remembered was flying through the air, straight towards a tree. He winced and touched his forehead, smiling as he felt no trace of a wound or scar tissue. Superior biology, worked every time. 

Guilt washed over him, it was his fault they had crashed in the first place. 

Rose.

He sat up, looking frantically around, just noticing he was on board the TARDIS. There was a blanket covering the lower half of his body and his ugly sweater had been removed. Now there was a mystery he already knew the answer to. The real question was where had she gotten to? 

Tossing the blanket over the back of the couch, he swung his legs out and abruptly flailed wildly, nearly falling to the floor in an effort to not step on Rose’s sleeping figure. She was curled up under a blanket, head pillowed by one arm. His hearts felt like they would burst from his chest. He knew she had taken care of him, there was no other explanation. Slowly he got up, taking care to step over her.

The telly was on, some Christmas movie running with the volume muted. TARDIS informed him that his companion had only been asleep for three hours, nowhere near enough for a cheerful Rose Tyler. He slid his arms carefully underneath her, lifting her, blanket and all, into the air. He had intended to lay her down on the couch, alone. Really he had. Until her head nestled against his neck, just beneath his chin, her breath warming his cool skin. Until her hand clutched at his shirt, the fabric bunched together over one of his hearts, a silent plea to stay.

He sat down, sliding the arm out from beneath her legs. Rose rested half on his lap, head nestled against his chest, long legs slowly stretching themselves out down the length of the couch, asleep and unaware of the doubt racing through his mind. He shouldn't be doing this. He should be fixing the TARDIS, should be doing any number of things besides indulging in something he had no business wanting in the first place. 

She was too young. Well, that was a stupid argument. Age wise, he was clearly much older. Maturity though...he was fairly certain there were numerous times when she outranked him. 

She was too good, too pure. He didn't deserve her, not with his bloody and tarnished history. He feared her light would eventually be snuffed out by the darkness always brewing within him. He did his best to keep it locked away, and with her help it had been much easier. But if pushed too far, there was no telling just how far he would go. It had happened before.

There was the interspecies issue to consider as well. Not that they weren't compatible, they very much were. Very, very, very much. He personally didn't find her inferior simply because of her species. There were other humans he had met over the years that made a convincing case otherwise, but that wasn't the point. Well, the original point. Time Lords would consider her as such. The entirety of his race was probably rolling over in their nonexistent graves right now with the way he was holding her, as if she were the most precious object in all of time and space. And she was, to him. But didn't he owe it to the planet he had burned, the civilization he had destroyed, didn't he owe it to their memory to live the way they had? Carry on tradition as best he could? He had never worried about their opinion before, had actually disagreed with it on many occasions. Well, most occasions. So, why start now? Because they were dead? Because he had been the one to wipe them from the sky?

He scrubbed his free hand down his face, trying to wipe the troublesome thoughts from his mind. Didn't matter right now anyway. He had already sat down, wasn't about to try and move her again. Wrapping his arms around her, fingers tracing small circular patterns on her back and thighs (through the blanket of course, he wasn't _that_ bold), he attempted to relax. Signaling the TARDIS, the volume on the telly increased and he settled in, knowing it would be another five hours, at least, before Rose would wake up. A fresh wave of panic bombarded him, uncertainty of how she would react to finding herself on his lap, stirring up new doubts and sending him into yet another frenzied crisis of guilt.

.....

Six hours and a fully anxious Time Lord later, Rose finally began to stir. Only instead of simply opening her eyes and saying 'good morning', she was fighting her bodies insistence that she wake up. She was burying deeper into his chest, changing her grip on his shirt, and wiggling underneath the blanket. She really needed to stop the unpleasant squirming, which really wasn't unpleasant at all...and therein lay the problem. The Doctor was already on edge. Trying to decide between helping wake her and simply leaving her be was enough to to make his head explode. Not literally of course, that would be unsettling. And messy. Not to mention he would be rather dead. Maybe he _should_ try and make his head burst. It would be unfortunate for Rose, but an easy way out for him. No, no, no. What was his problem? That would be awful. Terrible. Exceedingly rude.

He took a slow steadying breath. Rose's hand slipped from where it had been clutching the small bit of fabric on his shoulder to his bicep. She squeezed, carefully, as if testing something. Her fingers relaxed then trailed upwards, passing over fabric and poking at his neck. He held his breath, at a complete loss at to what the appropriate action would be. His eyes stared intently ahead, unblinking. After a tiny pause, the soft pads of her fingers brushed over the side of his neck, tiny up down motions that sent shivers down his spine and had his hearts tripping over each other. Fingers explored further, taking an unexpected route into the hair at the nape of his neck, teasing and pulling. Unconsciously, he dug his fingers into her side, fighting down a low groan trying to pass through his lips.

He could pinpoint the precise moment Rose became fully awake. Her muscles tensed, fingers froze still tangled in his hair. Her breathing changed, faster at first then nearly stopping altogether. He could barely make out her rapidly beating heart, the sound of his own two pounding loudly in his ears. He didn't know what to do. She was the one who had her fingers in his hair, but he was the one who had placed her in his lap in the first place. Should he apologize? Would now be too soon? Would five seconds from now be too late?

Slowly, she removed her hand from his hair, dragging it down his chest to rest in her lap. He wasn't sure what to make of that. She could have just as easily removed her hand and placed it in her lap without further physical contact. What did the fact that she had chosen to run her fingers over his torso tell him? Nothing. His was a bloody clueless idiot. He knew nothing about how these things worked. He remembered just how few layers he was wearing, feeling suddenly exposed in only his vest. If it wouldn't have been so appalling rude, he would have deposited Rose on the floor and dashed out of the library right then and there.

She sat up, pushing gently on his chest for leverage. Even though his body was screaming at him to run, his eyes were drawn to hers like a magnet. She was nervous, he could read it all over her face plain as day. He was certain his own expression was nothing more than a mirror image. She swallowed. 

"I think we need to talk."

His hearts dropped like lead weights. He may be clueless, but he wasn't that clueless. Those words were never followed by anything good. Ever. His throat was dry, letting him only nod in response, waiting for the blow that was to come.

She worried her bottom lip, eyes flicking away for an instant before returning. "Before that though, before anything else gets said. Before...I don't know, just before. Watch a movie with me?"

He chuckled softly, in spite of the hollow feeling growing inside his chest. "Sure. You pick. Do you want to...er..." He tried to convey his meaning with only eye movements and tapping fingers on her ribs.

She shook her head. "Just let me shift a bit. Can't watch a movie while staring at your neck." Her cheeks flushed pink at her words. She avoided his eyes and set to turning slightly in his lap, resting on her side with her back to his chest and her head settled on the arm of the couch.

He was no longer sure what to do with his hands. One arm was still beneath her, helping to pillow her head. The other was now resting awkwardly on her side, the angle uncomfortable but he didn't dare move it any lower. A light touch was placed on his forearm, her fingers pushed firmly, sliding his arm to rest on her waist. His breath caught in his throat as her fingers trailed down his arm then linked with his own.

She linked their other hands together as well. Shifting so both their arms were comfortable, she sighed. White Christmas began playing on the telly. The Doctor knew how long the movie was, down to the last millisecond, knew that would be how much time he had before The Talk. 

He began a mental countdown.


	10. A Little More Talk and a lot Less Action

One hour and 55.2 minutes later, the Doctor's hearts stopped beating. 

A thick, suffocating silence settled around them, smothering any remaining hope that things would be alright out of existence. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move. The moment was too fragile, the slightest movement from him was sure to shatter it into a thousand pieces. A thousand tiny pieces that could never be put back together. 

Warm, soft lips pressed against the back of his hands, sending sparks flying through his veins, kick starting the heavy weights inside his chest. Maybe they would be ok. And he wasn't just talking about his hearts.

Rose released his hands, pushing herself up and off his lap, slowly turning to face him. His body cried out from the loss of contact. It was such an oddly painful sensation that the arm still loosely around her shoulders tightened on reflex, pulling her back to him. Her head bumped against his shoulder as he held her tucked into his side. His body hummed happily while his mind screamed in a panic. He didn't know what he was doing anymore, mind and hearts pulling him in two different directions. His brain was a whirlwind of thoughts, clouding his vision and constricting his lungs.

A small weight rested on his chest, but it wasn't holding him down. It was different, grounding without caging him in.

"Breathe."

He blinked, mind suddenly quiet. Looking down, he saw Rose's hand centered between his hearts. He swallowed, hesitant to meet her gaze. When he did, she smiled softly, eyes devoid of any judgement. He exhaled slowly, chest sinking under her touch.

This time when she pulled away, he didn't chase her. Not really. His eyes followed her every move, while he willed his body to stay put.

She didn't go far. Sitting crossed legged in the middle of the couch, her knees touching his thigh, she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. He watched as her eyes lingered on his torso, something dark shining in their depths. She blinked and it was gone.

"Trouser pocket. The right one, I think."

He shook his head. "What?"

"Your Oxford. Trouser pocket."

"How do you...?"

She rolled her eyes. "Just look."

As much as the thought of her wearing his button up thrilled him (in all the wrong ways of course), she was already covered up by her blanket. "What do you want it for?"

She raised an eyebrow. "It's not for me. It's for you. To, you know..." She gestured to his upper body, eyes suddenly nervous and avoiding his.

"Oh! Ohhhhh. Brilliant!" He could have kissed her. Well, no. That was what he was trying to avoid doing and the reason for this mess in the first place. But also yes. If he was looking for another excuse for kissing Rose Tyler, this was a good one. He filed it away for later. Not that there would be a later.

He shifted, slightly raising his hips off the couch so he could get a better angle to dig into his pocket. Rose's cheeks turned pink and she looked away. Gripping it with his fingers, he pulled the folded fabric from his pocket. It was a touch rumpled, but he didn't care. It was better than the practically nothing he had been wearing. Leaving the top two buttons undone, he looked anxiously back at Rose.

"Let's start small, yeah?"

He nodded, thankful that she wasn't going to attack him with guilt. Or yell. Not yet anyway.

"How are you feeling?" Her eyes flicked to his forehead, touched with concern.

"Brilliant! Not a scratch. Head's all healed up, no scar. Superior biology." He winked at her.

"Your superior biology drove us off a cliff."

"Oi! It was an accident.

She turned serious, her eyes narrowing. “About that, what happened?”

That question hadn't been expected so soon. More time, more time. He put on his best how-daft-can-you-be face. “I believe I just told you, it was an accident. Besides I saved you."

"You pushed me, while I was in mid air!"

"Yes, away from the tree. I sacrificed my pretty face for yours. You should feel flattered."

She stared at him for a moment, absorbing the information. He knew the question was there again, could see it on the tip of her tongue. He had dodged it once and still wasn’t ready for it, probably never would be. After he answered would come the topic they were dancing around, the touching, the boundaries. Their relationship (or lack thereof), the domestics. He needed to distract her, buy some more time, before reality came crashing down on his head. He asked the first thing that popped into his mind.

“How did we get back to the TARDIS?”

She sat up straighter, on the defense. “I’m not an invalid.”

“No, no, no. Of course not. I only meant...I was just…”

“Sorry." She sighed, relaxing under the blanket still tucked about her shoulders. "I put you on the sled.”

He furrowed his brow, trying to see how that would work. At the bottom of the slope, sure. She could walk while he lay helpless on the sled. But to get to the bottom...A fuzzy memory floated to the surface. A rather embarrassing memory of clinging to Rose and mumbling her name.

He rubbed the back of his neck, finding it hard to meet her eyes. “Um, how exactly?”

She twisted the edges of the blanket, hands fidgeting in her lap. “Look, it was the only way I could think of. So if there was another way, I really don’t want to hear it, alright? You were unconscious and I did what I had to.”

He nodded and drew an 'x' over each heart. "Won't say a word."

“You were leaning on me, arms sort of around me like this.” She paused, using her own arms to illustrate her point, the blanket falling from her shoulders and pooling around her waist. “Had to do that so I could hold the bar _and_ keep you upright.”

He almost didn’t prod her to continue, mind wandering elsewhere as he watched her bare arms move in the dim lighting. The movie was long over, but for whatever reason, the TARDIS had decided to keep the lights in the library low. He tried to refocus on her words. What she had said explained his vague memory. The arrangement she was describing still didn't meet the level of discomfort she was displaying. He could feel the unease rolling off her, there had to be something else.

“And?”

She sighed. “And...to keep your legs from dragging along the bloody snow I had to brace them with my own, and the only way I could see to do that was to sit on your lap. Ok? Happy now?” She crossed her arms, glaring at him, daring him to go back on his word.

He fought down a smirk, not wanting to push his luck. “It’s ok, Rose. I honestly don’t see any other way you could have managed it. Just...one thing?”

“What?”

“Was this before or after you started to undress me?” Well, he didn’t want to push his luck too much. A little wouldn’t hurt, right?

Her eyes widened. Maybe he had pushed too far. It was entirely possible, his gob did have a mind of its own. Often a mind with no filter.

She swatted his arm, with a little more sting than what he was used to. “This was before, you git.”

He feigned injury and hoped she had forgotten her earlier train of thought.

She rested her hands in her lap, leaving the blanket resting around her waist. Her eyes met his, pinning him down. “Now, what happened? I remember you swerving to avoid a snow drift, but after that, I wasn’t really watching.”

He tugged on his ear, all too aware of the fact that she hadn’t been watching. That was the reason he had swerved the sled not once, but twice, the second time leading them to the drop off.

“Well?”

“I was, er, distracted.”

“By what? What did you see?’ She leaned forward, no doubt anticipating some amazing event she had failed to witness.

He could lie, could make something brilliant up and pretend it was the truth. He had done it before, not to her, but it had been done. She would believe him. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Rose knew him better than anyone, she would probably see right through whatever lie he came up with. She deserved better than that. Their conversation was going to lead to the tension between them, whether he told the truth here or not. No point in hiding it from her.

“I didn’t see anything. Well, I saw a lot of things. I did have my eyes open, had to, since I was driving. Not that it mattered apparently. But it wasn’t anything I saw that caused the distraction.”

“Then what was it?”

He rubbed his neck in the spot where she had pressed her mouth, his skin still burning from the feel of her lips. He took a deep breath, staring into her eyes. “You.”

A tremor ran through her body, changing her demeanor as it went. Open curiosity gave way to tense apprehension. He was toeing the line drawn between them. Poking and prodding, seeing how far it would give before it snapped.

“But I didn’t...what did I do?”

He tried to hold her gaze, settling instead for watching her mouth. “Your, um…lips. And I know it wasn’t intentional, so don’t worry about that bit...but...er, for all intents and purposes, and for lack of a better word, you kissed my neck. And I...I didn’t mean to make us crash. It’s just...you uh, surprised me.”

“Oh.” Her eyes clouded over with guilt.

He reached out for her hand. “Don’t feel guilty. It wasn’t your fault. Well, in a way...no, nevermind. You didn’t mean to, and I have a hard time believing you would do such a thing with the intention being for us to crash.”

She stared at their joined hands before nodding. He could still see the guilt she was trying to hide.

“Rose, honestly, it’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re fine." He paused, staring at her intently, silently willing her to look up. "We are fine aren’t we?”

She raised her eyes, meeting his stare with a penetrating one of her own. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

He gulped, dread sweeping over him. Here it was, the turn in the conversation that he had been wanting to avoid. Forever, if possible. Truth be told, it really was only a matter of time. He was drawn to her like a moth to flame, had been even in his previous body. He hadn’t ever told her the extent to which she had influenced his current form, he had left out a lot of details of that whole event actually. Most of it was out of fear, fear that her knowing just how much he needed her, how much he burned for her, would scare her away. She was young, she was human, how could she possibly feel the same way about him? It was impossible.

He was in a constant state of conflict, his body’s innate desire to be near her battling his mind’s logic as to why he shouldn’t. It would have been so much easier if it was merely a physical desire, even though by all accounts he should _not_ be having that problem, at all. From the first day he met her, she had worked her way into his hearts, making a permanent home there. It was his overwhelming affection (he was too afraid to admit the other word, even to himself) that made it even harder to resist her. Every look, every touch drove him closer to the edge. 

He had been so close to toppling, so close to giving in, just the other day, her lips a hairsbreadth away from his. He honestly had no idea how he had pulled back, the iron grip of temptation had seemed too strong. He thought it had been a triumph. It hadn’t. It had only made things worse. Knowing she returned his affections to some degree, even if it was only a small amount, had lit a permanent fire in his soul. He was slowly burning from the inside out, his body hyper aware of her presence and acting on impulse, one step ahead of his ever arguing brain.

He sighed. “Rose, I don’t know.”

She stiffened, trying to pull her hand away. He gripped it tighter, trying to form words that would help her understand.

“I want us to be ok. More than anything. I just…” He scrubbed his free hand over his face, frustration at being unable to communicate something so important overriding every other emotion. “I crossed a line the other day, a line I have been trying very hard not to cross. And in nearly giving in, I’ve made it worse. It’s harder to...to hold back.”

“Why hold back at all?” Her voice was small, her simple question holding too much weight, too many reasons he could never explain.

“I...it’s hard to explain. It’s--”

“Complicated.”

“Yes.” He looked at her, at first taken aback by her clipped tone as she had finished his sentence. When he saw the sadness and rejection creeping into her eyes, he knew he had made a mistake. If he couldn't be honest with her as to why he couldn't cross a line he had drawn for himself, then was it really worth it? Was it even a valid argument? He was starting to think not.

She looked to their tree, standing nearly forgotten in the corner, her eyes dulling as she spoke. “Maybe we need to draw some lines, make some clear boundaries. I don’t know how you view things and what exactly you see as harmless. But there are certain things that you can’t do without making this hard on me. I know you care for me, I do. But this...what just happened, can’t happen again. At least not for a long while. I need time to adjust. And honestly, your reason of 'it’s complicated', only makes it more difficult for me to not take certain gestures as an indication that you want to take things to another level. Hugs and hand holding is fine...but otherwise you need to keep your distance, physically.”

Each word was a knife twisting in his hearts. He knew he had made it worse, he just hadn’t realized how much worse. This was what he wanted though, right? Just friends, nothing more. Hearing it put in such a way from her, flicked a switch inside. No. That was not what he wanted. 

He leaned forward, slowly. She watched him warily, eyes guarded. That’s not what he wanted either.

“Especially if you can’t trust yourself to hold back.” Her words ghosted over his face, small puffs of her warm breath that teased his senses.

"Maybe that's a good thing." He placed his free hand under her chin, tilting her head up.

"Doctor."

He brushed her bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, watching her pupils dilate. He leaned closer, twisting in his seat, and bumped his nose against hers. He was on the edge and this time there would be no going back. Unless she stopped him. He was trying to go slow, make her see that she still had an out. But it was too late for him, he had stepped out over the precipice, waiting for gravity to take hold and drag him down. He was nervous, his breathing erratic and the his hearts were beating out of sync. He could only hope she would be there to catch him when he fell.

"Please..."

He didn't know if it was a plea to stop or a plea to keep going. It was so ambiguous, but he couldn't stop.

He closed the distance, pressing his lips to hers, praying he had read her right. Rose let out a small sigh. He pushed forward, tentatively moving his mouth over hers. She responded in kind, the kiss tender and slow. The taste of her on his lips was only a hint, a tease let left him wanting more. He slid his hand from her chin to tangle in the hair at the back of her neck, soft tresses gliding through his fingers. 

Her hand slipped from his, leaving him grabbing at the air.

He pulled back, suddenly unsure. "Is this...are we...?"

"Doctor."

"Yes?"

Both her hands fisted into his shirt, tugging him back to her. "Shut up and kiss me."

Never one to deny Rose Tyler, he happily obliged.


	11. With Sprinkles on Top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful beta, almondina. Once again, saving my life.

Her lips were warm and welcoming beneath his own and it didn't take long for them to work out a satisfying rhythm. His mind was exploding in new sensations, each movement of her mouth over his sending darts of pleasure to every cell in his body. He had kissed before, but this was different. This was Rose. This was two years of slow build up - full of affection and relief and want. 

He was leaning awkwardly towards her, one hand still buried the hair behind her neck, anchoring them together. His other hand tightly gripped the edge of the couch, a focus point to fall back on, to prevent him from lunging forward and moving too fast. The feel of her mouth was intoxicating, leaving him dizzy and out of breath, but wanting more, always wanting more. This hadn't been a mistake, or if it was, it was the best one he'd ever made, out of lifetimes of making mistakes.

Both her hands were clutching his collar, the stiff fabric softening between her fingers. She met his lips with the same intensity, never demanding more than he was not yet willing (or able) to give. One hand slid over his neck, tickling the hair at the nape. Her fingers brushed through his hair, gentle touches sent tingles down his spine.

She tugged. 

He fought back a moan as fire raced along his nerves, an all consuming need to get closer burning in his system. The hand that had been gripping the couch shot to her waist, abandoning its post. After some scrambling with the blanket, they moved up the couch, Rose stretching out beneath him, her head pillowed on the armrest.

For a moment they stared at each other. She looked at him through hooded lashes, eyes dark and breath ghosting over his lips. Hovering over her, he dipped his head down, once again pressing his mouth to hers. His leisurely pace belied the urgency quickly rising in his body.

She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, tongue swiping across the bit of flesh, and arched into him. He groaned, and his arms shook with the effort of resisting the urge to respond in kind, to relieve some of the pressure building in his trousers.

That realization was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over his head. It was too much, too fast. The desire to run replaced the desire to continue kissing Rose Tyler. He didn't need to run from her, he needed to run from himself. Blimey, his head was a mess. Not wanting to give her the wrong idea, he pulled away slowly. She grinned up at him, her fingers sifting through his hair. He closed his eyes, shivering and trying to remember why he was stopping.

“I, er...I…”

She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing.” He placed a quick kiss to her lips for emphasis. “Nothing.”

She looked only slightly reassured. “So...why did you stop?”

His mind raced, searching for an answer. He didn’t want to tell her he was having doubts already. Because he wasn’t. Not like that anyway. But still. He didn’t fancy admitting to her how much of a coward he truly was. Delaying an actual response, he removed her hands from his person, one by one, placing a kiss to the palm of each hand before releasing them. 

“The TARDIS. I need to get the repairs done. Gotta do that before we can go anywhere. Need to do it soon, before...uh, before it starts affecting the rest of her systems.”

She raised an eyebrow.

The last part had been a bit of a lie. A bit. Eventually it would affect the rest of her systems. Hundreds of centuries eventually. He smiled sheepishly. “Continue this later?”

He very much wanted to. Now that he had started, he didn't think he would ever be able to stop. He just hoped he hadn’t upset her by pulling away.

She nodded, rolling her eyes.

Giving her a quick flash of his teeth, he lept to his feet, not giving in to the urge to run until he was safely out the door.

She knew anyway.

.....

Rose stared at the ceiling, caught between elation and disappointment. What had she expected? Of course he ran off. That's how he was. At least he had promised more later and had actually seemed sincere. She chose to stick with elation.

It wasn't a hard thing to go with. Her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest and she couldn't keep a smile from spreading over her face.

Two years later, and it had finally happened, properly happened. Although for a few moments, she had thought that door was going to be closed forever. She wasn't sure what had changed his mind, and right now she didn't care. They could talk about it later. And they had done plenty of talking already, a lot more than she had expected from him. Right now, they had a lot of snogging to catch up on.

Snogging and Christmas. Rose sat up. With everything else going on, she had nearly forgotten about Christmas. She glanced at the tree, still painfully bare. It badly needed to be decorated. But she was holding out. Waiting for the Doctor to admit to wanting to decorate it. She knew he did. Maybe it was time to start dropping some hints.

.....

He flipped the sonic in the air, deftly catching it without looking. The display told him that the preliminary diagnostic scan showed the repair was successful. Only thing left to do was to take her for a test run. He punched the required sequence, and the ship dematerialized without a hitch. That was a first. And a surprise, considering how much thinking he had been doing about Rose’s lips instead of focusing on the task at hand.

The kiss had been much better than his imagination had ever dreamed of, which left him wondering just how woefully inadequate it had been in other areas. He mentally shook himself. Later. There would be time for that later. The thoughts of things still to come, areas left to explore, buoyed his spirits, making him feel lighter than he had in years, decades, centuries even. Rose had already helped him immensely with his guilt from the Time War, it had been one of the reasons he had been afraid to ask for more. He didn’t feel worthy, felt as if he was only taking from her with nothing to give in return.

She was proving that she didn’t care. Or rather, that she did care, more than he'd hoped. He just didn't know what it was she saw in him. What was he was giving her? Well, besides the obvious. But she didn’t have to cross the line from friends to… to more in order for him to show her the stars. He would gladly do it without the added benefits.

Speaking of Rose… he supposed he had done enough hiding. He was ready to face her. As long as she didn't want to talk about his mini freak out, or what had changed his mind, which she probably would, but...oh hell, he just wanted to see her. He tried to brush aside the true driving factor, the fact that her taste was fading from his lips. Which was frankly, unacceptable. Setting the time ship to drift in the vortex, he went in search of her.

Christmas music drifted down the corridor, hitting his ears just before a tantalizing sweet smell drifted to his nose. His stomach rumbled. He honestly wasn't sure when the last time he ate had been.

He approached the kitchen, pausing to lean in the doorway. The sight before him had his hearts aching in his chest. This wasn’t an ache from loss or sorrow, pain or suffering. This was an ache from stretching, using muscles that he hadn't used in a very long time, if ever. 

She was still in her jim jams, these ones a pale purple, still barely covering any of her figure. Standing in front of the oven, she swayed her hips and hummed softly along with the music. He glanced at the table. It was laden with sprinkles, bowls of different colored frosting, and several stacks of sugar cookies. She was baking, something she hardly ever did, preparing their next Christmas activity. He watched her, bathed in the artificial light. He felt… content.

At some point the fear and doubt would come creeping back, fueling his urge to run. But for now, they were gone. Leaving only the desire to be near her, to hold her in his arms.

He walked up behind her, trainers completely silent on the floor. He snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him when he felt her jump. Using his nose to brush hair out of the way, he whispered into her ear, "Don't you ever get cold?"

"No." She shivered despite her dissent, it wasn't from being cold. A slow smile spread across his face.

"Liar." His own body temperature was usually fairly cool. His human companion's however, was not, leaving her more vulnerable to colder climates and lending to a heightened tingling (yet pleasant) sensation whenever their skin came in contact.

"I'm not. Don't need to worry about being cold. I have a one of a kind dependable heating system. Only one in the universe in fact." She turned in his arms, draping her own around his neck.

"Me?" He tightened his arms around her once more, looking down into her eyes.

"I was talking about the TARDIS." 

"Oi!" He pulled his head back, looking down at her, indignation written all over his face.

"Well, I did say dependable."

He arched an eyebrow. "Is this about my driving again?"

"Nope. This is about your ability to turn up the heat, only to shut it off before I've properly...warmed up." Her words were teasing, but the pools of her dark amber eyes hinted at something more beneath their surface.

His jaw dropped. Sex. Rose Tyler was talking to him about sex. Earlier the thought of tongues and hips and needy sounds had caused him to panic, sending him literally running away from her and what she did to him (which shouldn't happen to such a large extent). Now all he could think about was taking her right there on the table, sending bowls of frosting to the floor in a fit of passion. He couldn’t form a sentence, her words and the look in her eyes had sent him spiraling into a lust filled haze.

Standing on tip toe, she pecked him on the cheek. “It’s ok. I accepted a long time ago that you might not even be able to do that. Not that it’s something to worry about now. One step at a time, yeah?”

A timer beeped and she twisted out of his grip, leaving him slack jawed and slightly insulted. Not able? _Not able?_ Hadn't he already told her that he danced? That was a situation that would need to be rectified. He shook his head. Later, always later, still too much of a coward. Besides they had time. That's what he kept telling himself anyway. 

She pulled the last batch of cookies out of the oven, setting them on the counter to cool down.

"I'll get these later. Let's go ahead and start, yeah?"

They sat at the table, their banter the same as always. Well, not the same. There was a thicker layer of flirting, more touches of hands for no reason at all other than they could. They decorated trees, snowmen, Santas, stockings, and even a few reindeer. Well he said they, he meant Rose. All he had decorated were trees. He had been grabbing from the stack nearest him, then the stack after that...and after that. Nothing but trees. He took a closer look at all the cookies in the table, at least half of them were trees.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “There are an awful lot of tree cookies.”

She shrugged, not meeting his gaze. “It was the only one I could find when I started. Decorating tree shaped cookies never hurt anyone." She looked up. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that that’s all you’ve been frosting either.”

He wouldn’t admit it. Refused to. Added it to his nice list of things to never admit. Nevermind the fact that he hadn't actually intended it. So he responded the only way a mature adult would in this situation. 

He stuck a finger into the nearest bowl of frosting, which happened to be red, then darted his hand forward to touch her nose. Admiring his handiwork, a large dollop of fluffy red covered the tip of her nose, he sat back and waggled his eyebrows. “You’re one to talk, Rudolph.”

She stared at him in disbelief, eyes going crossed as she tried to look at her nose. She swiped most of the frosting off with her index finger then popped it into her mouth.

The Doctor’s throat went dry as he watched her lick and suck the frosting from her finger, catching a glimpse of her tongue swirling around the digit inside her mouth. His eyes narrowed and darkened, zeroing in the way her lips curled around her finger.

She pulled her finger out of her mouth with a wet pop. She looked at him, cheeks flushing before a wicked smile covered her face when she noticed his intent expression. She plunged two fingers into the bowl filled with blue frosting, coating them from base to tip. Slowly, she raised them to her lips, tongue darting out to lick off most of the excess frosting before engulfing her fingers entirely with her mouth. The Doctor watched as she made quick work of cleaning off every drop of frosting, her eyes steadily meeting his gaze the whole time and filling with desire. He shifted, trying to relieve some of the discomfort below his waistline without actually drawing attention to it.

Both fingers now perfectly clean, Rose stood up approaching him slowly. He licked his lips, body buzzing with lust and anticipation. His fingers twitched, impatient for her to come close enough to touch.

Her hand darted out, smearing something across his cheek. He blinked, his lust addled brain trying to process what had just happened. 

Rose stood beside him, smirking. She waved a green coated hand, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

He swiped at his face, revealing a green finger tip. He looked at her. “Well, that was rather rude.”

“You think?”

He didn't answer. Merely waggled his brows then inserted the frosting coated finger in his mouth. He parted his lips just enough to be sure that Rose could watch his tongue roll around his finger. Her smug expression faded. Her lips parted and her pupils dilated as he slowly removed the finger from his mouth.

It was his turn to look smug. "Turnabout's fair play, Miss Tyler."

She glowered at him for a moment. Her smile slowly returned as she looked back at her hand. Her arm shot out, sticky green covered hand running through his hair.

Both his hands flew upwards, tentatively poking and touching his entire head, testing the damage. The top of his head was done for, frosting coating his strands like some outrageous hair gel.

"Roooose, my hair!" He pouted.

She stepped back, giggling. She looked from him to the table. "What do you think, Doctor? Yellow to go with the green? Hmm...how about blue? More of a nice peacock theme."

He pushed back in his chair. "You wouldn't."

She shoved both hands into the bowl of blue frosting then approached him with a wicked gleam in her eyes, palms up and fingers wiggling in the air.

He bolted out of the chair, toppling it as he dashed to the other side of the table. She chased him, laughing madly as they ran circles around the table. 

He made a split decision, snagging a bowl off the table as he turned a corner. Pink, perfect. Getting as much frosting on one hand as he could, he tossed the bowl back on to the table, sending a stack of cookies to the floor. He halted, spinning around on the spot and rubbing his hands together. 

Rose collided with him, squealing as his slippery hands worked from her elbows to her shoulders, then across the expanse of skin exposed by the low back of her tank top. He held her to him, laughing as she squirmed. He had forgotten that her hands were also covered in frosting until he stepped back, both their fronts covered in blue from where her hands had been pinned. 

They watched each other, breathing slightly strained from the mad chase around the table. They both dived for more ammo, hands knocking sprinkles and more cookies to the floor in the process. He reached the yellow just before her fingers brushed the rim of the white. Standing side by side, each scrambling to be the first to finish.

His hands were completely coated in yellow frosting just as she plunged her second hand into the bowl. Grabbing her wrist, he yanked her to face him. Both his hands quickly cupped her face, and he captured her lips.

At first she flailed her arms, clearly not expecting him to retaliate in such a fashion. One of his hands slid down her neck, over her shoulder and then jumped to her waist, pulling her body to his. Her hands shot to his hair, combing through it with reckless abandon. 

He could taste frosting on her lips, sugar adding to the rush of hormones coursing through his body. Without thinking, his tongue swiped along her plump bottom lip, the sugary sweetness and the tiny taste of Rose combined too much for him to resist. Before he could panic, she opened her mouth to him, her tongue reaching out to lightly brush his. More, he needed more.

He pressed forward, his tongue chasing after hers, fingers digging into her waist. She moaned as he dipped his tongue into her mouth. She tasted of sugar, tea, the bubble gum toothpaste he had bought as a joke (but she used anyways), and something distinctly _Rose_. She scratched her nails lightly over his scalp as she followed his retreating tongue with her own. He groaned, his nerve endings exploding in sparks of pleasure.

He walked her carefully backwards until she bumped into the table. He reached behind her, pushing cookies and sprinkles to the floor. His hands gripped her waist as he helped her hop up onto the table, their lips never breaking apart. He wedged himself between her legs dangling off the edge of the table making sure to keep a small degree of distance between their bodies.

She nipped at his bottom lip then sucked it into her mouth, tugging on his frosting coated strands of hair. He growled, surprising himself and pulled her fully against him. The feel of her warm body pressed to his shot a renewed fervour through his body. He kissed her fiercely, anchoring his hands at her waist to prevent himself from tearing off the thin fabric beneath his fingers,. She matched his intensity, her lips and tongue moving in earnest with his, while hands remained firmly in place.

She pushed gently on his chest, needing to break apart for air. They rested their foreheads together, both panting heavily. He could just make out her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Lips that were swollen from his kisses, from his mouth on hers. He pulled back, taking her in. She was beautiful and a certain sense of pride grew in his chest that he was the one to make her this way, frosting and all. But he could feel the doubt creeping in, trying to take hold. His legs felt twitchy ready to run.

Their eyes locked, sadness erasing the lust he had seen in hers just moments ago.

"This is the part where you run, right?"

He gulped.


	12. You Just Assume I Don't Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, huge thanks to almondina for the beta.

Not good. Very not good. Half a day into their new relationship (well, new additions to their relationship) and she already pegged him as a runner. To be fair, he was. He was always running from place to place, from one adventure to the next. Never stopping, never staying in one place.

But he wanted this, he wanted _her_.

It just wasn't easy. Was it ever?

"It's not...I don't..." He took a deep breath, calming his fraying nerves, and met her gaze as steadily as he could. "I'm not going to run."

She searched his face, her hands fidgeting with his collar, trying to find the lie she was certain he was hiding. "You're not?"

"No."

Her shoulders slumped. He hoped it was from relief. "Then what? Am I doing something wrong?"

Her question caught him completely off guard. Never in all his lifetimes would he have thought that she would doubt herself, especially not when it came to something like...kissing. "What...how could you possibly think that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Just thought maybe...I was doing it wrong."

"That's-now, _that_ is ridiculous."

She grinned shyly.

"That, Rose Tyler, is probably the most outrageous thing I've ever heard you say."

Her smiled broadened, light sparking back to life in her eyes. "You're right. I'm bloody fantastic."

"No needy to get cheeky." 

She gave him a tongue touched smile, making his hearts skip several beats and almost causing him to forget why they were talking (instead of snogging, which was so, so much better) in the first place. Her smile faded, eyes filling with concern. "If I'm so fantastic, then what's the matter?"

Ah, there it was. He only ever wanted to be honest with her, but couldn't bring himself to unload everything at once. His fingers twitched on her waist, wanting to tug nervously on his ear. "Doesn't it seem a little fast?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Are you having me on right now?"

He stared at her earnestly. "I assure you, I am not."

"Doctor, it's only kissing."

"Well, yes but..."

"Not like we're shagging like rabbits all over the TARDIS." She paused for a moment, thinking. "Wonder if the jump seat would be comfortable..."

She trailed off, lost in thought. The same thought he was probably having right now. Shagging her rotten on the jump seat. Ok, so not the _exact_ same thought. He doubted she was day dreaming about shagging herself. Oh! Two Rose Tyler's...now there was an interesting thought. So much Rose, so little time, or not (time machine, after all).

The arousal that had vanished earlier flared to life, roaring white hot through his veins. He hissed through clenched teeth, "Rose."

She looked back to him, softly shaking her head. "Right, sorry. Forgot, you don't do that."

He didn't want it to go anywhere, not really. Well, not yet. But he was tired of her unintentionally condescending comments. He wasn't upset with her, how could he be? He needed to make it very clear that he _could_ , but short of taking her right there on the table...oh.

She was looking at him, watching the gears turn and click in his head. Her body called out to him, the teasing of her fingertips on his neck and the brushing of her knees against his hips as she idly swung her legs had him brimming with desire. Images of shagging her on the table, on the jumpseat, over the console, all tipped him over the edge, trousers tightening below his waist. 

He remembered, vaguely, wanting to convince Rose that he was quite capable of... _that_. Words however, were eluding him, fading away in a fog of lust. He slid his hands to her hips, then pulled her against him, the height of the table allowing him to press his hardened length against her warm body.

She gasped, her eyes widening. "Oh! But I thought...you..."

Using every ounce of self control, he ground against her, enough to make sure she felt him, but not too much to send him spiraling out of control. He wasn't sure he succeeded. The friction felt so good. 

"Ohhh." Her single syllable turned into a breathy moan as she rolled her hips against him. She gripped his shirt tighter, eyes screwed shut.

He moved his mouth to ghost over her, voice low and husky, " _That_ satisfy you?"

One of her arms slipped under his to hook around his shoulder, holding him close as she continued rock against him. He could feel her center burning with arousal even through their layers of clothing.

_Fuckfuckfuck._

She tilted her head, voice equally laced with desire, "Not yet, but getting there."

He froze. Resting his head on her shoulder he took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself, regain control. But he couldn't pull away, not yet.

She stopped moving, sensing his shift in mood. "Was this what you were...?"

He leaned back to look into her eyes, bodies still pressed together at the hip. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I want you to be sure."

"Doctor, I am sure." She arched into him for effect.

He groaned then stilled her movements with his hands. He shook his head. "Not just that."

"Then what?"

"Later. Right now...I need..." He needed to think, needed to be able to form some sort of coherent sentence.

He looked away from her, surveying the damage around them. Sprinkles and frosting covered the table as if they had been trying to decorate it instead of the cookies. A good portion of the cookies (thankfully largely the undecorated ones) had ended up broken or on the floor...or both.

“Blimey.”

Rose twisted to glimpse behind her, then looked back at him giggling. “You’ve got more frosting on you than all the cookies combined.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You should take a look in the mirror.”

She shook her head still laughing. “Guess that means a shower is in order.”

“What about the mess?”

“You started it, you can finish it.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

The desire hadn't fully subsided, her teasing pink tongue too much to take. He lunged forward, sucking it into his mouth before it could retreat into hers. She moaned, returning his affection for a heated moment, before gently pulling away. She arched an eyebrow. “Thought you said you wanted to slow down?”

He took a full step back, shaking his head, scrubbing his hands down his face and feeling slightly embarrassed. “Yes. Right. Sorry...I...er, sorry.”

She giggled and hopped down from the table. Her laughter cut off abruptly when she caught the look on his face. She walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to poke fun. We'll talk about it later, yeah?”

He returned her embrace, resting his cheek on her hair, jerking back when a glob of frosting touched his neck. “You really need to shower.”

She examined what she could see of him without letting go. “You too.”

He stared at her, trying to stop imagining her soaking wet...and nude. Not that he hadn't imagined that before, but still...it was Rose. Wet. And did he mention nude?

She rolled her eyes, placed a quick kiss on his lips, then pulled away. “I didn’t mean at the same time. Although, I’m up for that whenever you’re ready.” She winked then walked out of the kitchen.

He wasn’t sure what he should do first. Shower, an extremely cold one, so he could come back and focus on cleaning up the their mess? But then he would get dirty, again, and he would honestly probably lose focus...the mess reminding him too much of their more adult activities. He would be better off cleaning it now. And then he could take a very long, very cold shower.

…..

Rose had barely undressed when there was a knock on her en suite door. Not wanting to get frosting all over her last clean towel, she walked to the door without covering up. Taking care to stand fully behind it, she opened the door just enough to see around, her head and one shoulder being the only thing in the other person's view. 

The Doctor, also still covered in frosting, had his hand raised, ready to knock again.

“Oh, hello. What are you answering like that for?” He pushed his way into the room, ignoring her protests, and the fact that she was trying to keep the door closed. “I just had a quick question.” He picked up a tube of lotion and leaned against the counter, tossing it once in the air before examining the label.

Rose could feel her body flushing from her head to her toes. Her towel, and her bloody clothes, were on the other side of the room. She would have to cross right in front of him, completely starkers. She was equal parts embarrassed and aroused at the idea. Nonetheless, she self consciously tried to cover her body as best she could with her arms.

The Doctor, for his part, continued to ramble, completely oblivious to Rose's predicament. "As I was saying, I need to make sure the TARDIS can actually rematerialize after the repair. It's really not controlled by the same part, well not completely. But you never know. Best to check it out. Not that it's going to do us much good if we can't land. We'd be stuck. In the vortex. Although, I would probably be able to figure something out eventually. I am rather brilliant."

He squinted at the lotion. "Do you actually put this stuff on your face? This is terrible, I'll have to take you to get some _real_ lotion. This is...what?"

He had turned his gaze to her, brow furrowed in confusion at her frustrated expression.

She couldn't believe he had sat there the whole time, maybe a meter away, and not noticed. "I don't know whether I should be insulted or impressed." She plopped down on the lid of the toilet, grabbing a hand towel off the floor to help cover the important bits, which was best accomplished hunched over in an uncomfortable position.

"With what? My superior knowledge of lotions? Really no reason to feel insulted, after all I'm...what? Why are you staring at me like that?"

She arched an eyebrow.

"What? Rose, I may be a telepath, but I'm a touch telepath. I would have to touch you to know what you're thinking."

She stared boldly at him, wondering just how long it would take for him to notice. "You do that."

He took a step and a half towards her before he caught on. His eyes widened and then narrowed, raking up and down what he could see of her bare skin. She shivered under the intensity of his gaze, as if the path his eyes traveled were actually his fingers, tracing softly over her body. The foot that had been mid stride, lowered slowly to the floor. She watched the muscles in his neck as he swallowed before speaking.

"Rose, why are you...um...clothesless?"

She was pleased to note that he couldn't stop staring. His eyes would flick to the wall or the ceiling before sliding back to her. "Well, I was planning on taking a shower. Which I would still like to do. So I'd take it kindly of you to leave."

He nodded his head, but other than a glance at the door, made no move to actually exit.

"Unless you want to join me?"

His body snapped into action, long legs carrying his flailing arms to the door. "Nope." He disappeared.

She started to rise, still carefully holding the towel. His head popped back around the door. Oh, you have got to be kidding. She stretched the fabric trying to remain covered.

"When I said 'nope', I didn't mean no. Well, I did. But only as in this time, and probably several others to be honest, but it's not because I find the idea appalling. I--"

"Doctor."

"Right, sorry. Ok, just...one thing."

She huffed, "What?"

He smiled, her irritation apparently having no effect. "Make sure you get the the glob on your lower back."

She began to turn, trying to see what he was talking about, she couldn't feel anything. She...

Snapping her head back to him, she raised an eyebrow. "Were you trying to sneak a peek at my bum?"

He cheeks turned slightly pink and he worked his jaw uselessly.

"Get out."

Looking significantly embarrassed, he disappeared and pulled the door shut. She only dropped the towel after she made sure the door was locked.

"Rooooose." He was whinging from the other side of the door. What could he possibly want now.

"What?"

There was a pause.

"Can we decorate the tree?"

She rolled her eyes, smiling. She knew it. Laughing, she yelled at him through the door. "Yes you git, now go!"

.....

Both parties showered and clean, they carried the bags of ornaments and lights from her room to the library, every so often bumping into each other as they walked down the hall. He was in a clean suit, but had opted for only a dark blue Henley underneath. He had been amused to discover she had paired a nearly identical colored jumper with her jeans.

Entering the library, they deposited the bags on the couch. Rose pulled out the decorations while the Doctor moved the tree to the center of the open space between the fire place and the furniture. He walked over to Rose, who was now opening boxes of lights.

He pulled a face. "Ugh, 21st century human Christmas lights. Not really the most reliable of sorts."

Rose shot him a look.

"But they are so lovely. Just-just brilliant and glowy, is that a word? Glowy?"

"Just help me open the boxes."

Altogether, they had six boxes of lights to string on the tree. Coming to an agreement, they worked as a team to wrap the lights around the tree. He started (being the taller one), weaving the strand of bulbs around and through prickling branches. Rose followed him as he circled the tree, holding the end of the strand so it wouldn't get tangled. About halfway through, they switched.

He always marveled at how well they worked together. Whether that be saving the day and trying to survive or something as boring and mundane as...putting lights on a Christmas tree. Only, with her it wasn't boring. It was exciting and enjoyable. He fed off of her energy, her wonder, and her joy at all the small delights the universe had to offer.

Taking their relationship to the next level only seemed natural, on the surface. He knew that when hearts and powerful emotions got involved, things could get messy. Things could change. He didn't want them to change, if it was change for the worst.

Rose stood up straight. She had been bent over, working in the last strand, the Doctor trailing behind and listening to her recount Christmases from her childhood. 

"Done!" She was smiling from ear to ear, he couldn't help but smile back. She looked around then back to him, holding up the end of the cord. "Er, where do I plug it in at?"

"Oh! Forgot to ask the TARDIS for an outlet."

She placed a hand on his arm. "Can I try?"

He beamed at her. "Course."

He watched as she closed her eyes, which wasn't actually necessary. Since he knew she wasn't used to mental communication and it helped her concentrate, he never said a word. It was enough that she had even wanted to try in the first place, something she had asked to be taught. Not for the first time he wondered if she would ever be able to share a bond with him.

Popping her eyes open and squealing with glee, she jarred him out of his thoughts. He glanced at the wall, a beautiful replica of an outlet from her time had appeared in the wall. She threw herself at him, arms around his neck. Stumbling backwards, he caught her and squeezed in return, smiling broadly into her shoulder.

"Well go on, plug it in."

She inserted the cord into the wall. The tree lit up, greens and reds and blues and yellows sparkling dimly in the light. He sent a mental note to the TARDIS, the lights lowered and the fire started, allowing the lights on the tree to shine brighter.

She came back to his side, slipping her hand into his. They stood in silence for a moment, her head resting on his shoulder.

He placed a tender kiss to the top of her head. "You ready to do the rest?"

She looked up at him, the lights of the tree barely reflecting in her eyes. "Can we leave it like this? Just for tonight? I kind of like it."

Smiling at softly at her, he nodded.

Rose put the ornaments and empty light boxes back into the plastic bags. Setting the bags off to the side on the floor to make room, she curled up at the end of the couch.

He pushed the tree back into the corner then sat next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders and tucking her against his side. She wrapped an arm around him, nuzzling into his chest and sighing contentedly.

He was content for the most part as well. His hearts felt light and Rose's warmth seeped from her body into his, relaxing his muscles, her presence soothing his soul. There was a darkness there that he kept buried, hidden away from her at all costs. But for how long?

He knew it was only a matter of time before she asked him to explain his earlier hesitations. Once she had something in her sights, she never let it go. Best to just bite the bullet and get it all out now.

Fingers tracing tiny circles on her upper arm, he took a deep breath. "Rose, there's something you should know."


	13. Good for the Soul: The Vague Oncoming Storm Nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, huge thanks to almondina, who is helping make this story fantastical.

_He pushed the tree back into the corner then sat next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders and tucking her against his side. She wrapped an arm around him, nuzzling into his chest and sighing contentedly._

_He was content for the most part as well. His hearts felt light and Rose's warmth seeped from her body into his, relaxing his muscles, her presence soothing his soul. There was a darkness there that he kept buried, hidden away from her at all costs. But for how long?_

_He knew it was only a matter of time before she asked him to explain his earlier hesitations. Once she had something in her sights, she never let it go. Best to just bite the bullet and get it all out now._

_Fingers tracing tiny circles on her upper arm, he took a deep breath. "Rose, there's something you should know."_

A long silence stretched between them, making him panic more than if she had been angry or upset or… anything. Any reaction would be better than the deafening quiet that was filling his ears. Aside from her quiet breathing, she hadn’t made a sound. Any moment now she would pull away, tell him to sod off, and then leave him sitting in front of the fire alone, feeling none of it’s warmth.

He drew in a deep breath. Here it comes...the unavoidable rejection. She snuggled closer, her arms wrapped around him squeezing in a makeshift hug. 

What?

Maybe she hadn’t heard him. He was fairly sure he had spoken out loud. Though his thoughts ran away from him just as often as his gob, even more so when it came to Rose.

He cleared his throat. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes," came her quiet reply. "I was ignoring you.”

He couldn’t see her face, couldn’t tell if she was teasing or not. But his stomach churned, a sickening feeling creeping over his body. He stilled the hand on her arm. He hadn't planned on walking away, he was trying, he really honestly was, to be open with her. And she threw it back in his face. His earlier desire to tell her the truth vanished, his feet twitching in his trainers.

She tilted her head up and brought her hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. “Not like that, Doctor.”

He didn’t understand, and the weary look in her eyes held no answers. Not like what? Was there more than one way you could ignore a person? Well, he supposed there were. You could ignore them entirely, you could ignore certain things they said or did, you could--

She pressed her lips to his, slow and soft. Her thumb lightly brushed his cheek as she kissed him. He felt his doubts and unease melt away bit by bit with each movement of her lips, his mind going blissfully blank. This wasn't frantic or heated like their previous kiss. It was languid and gentle, deep emotions conveyed with a tender meeting of lips. His arm around her shoulders tightened, pulling her closer. His free hand gravitated to her side, fingertips trailing up and down her rib cage. A different desire began to build within him. Oh, he still wanted her, but this was a slow rise, a pleasant tingle starting in the base of his spine and spreading throughout his body. His body hummed with pleasure, but he felt no need to race to completion. It was enough to just move his mouth over hers, their tongues teasing with the occasional swipe.

After several minutes, he pulled back, giving her space to breathe. Her cheeks were flushed and she was smiling, pleased with herself. He hated to ruin the moment, but he needed to get it all out before he changed his mind. He opened his mouth to ask her what she had meant before she had kissed him, but she silenced him once more. This time with a finger placed over his lips.

She shook her head, regarding him carefully. “I wasn’t trying to ignore you like that. It’s…” Rose trailed off and looked at the fire, her hand falling to his chest. “You never sit and just enjoy the moment. There’s always something better, something different...or something you think is going to spoil it that can’t be left alone. I appreciate you opening up, I do. But sometimes...it’s ok to just...stay still.”

He stared at her. Did she really not know? All those times he had spent at her mum’s flat just because Rose had wanted to visit. All those times they had stayed somewhere just because she asked. The days they spent lounging around on the TARDIS, the times he spent staring at her because she was more breathtaking than whatever wonder of the universe had captured her attention. All those little moments he spent reveling in _her_ , all other thoughts and worries pushed aside to just...be.

It hit home just how differently they viewed time. Even though her days were infinitely shorter, tiny blips that passed by in the blink of an eye to him, she was the one stopping and savoring little moments. In his own way, he was too, thinking that a minute here and a minute there was enough. So much to do, so much to see, why waste the time sitting still? He had the time, literally all of time and space at his fingertips, and he was the one running as if his life span was measured in decades instead of millenia.

Rose ran with him, even led the way sometimes. Dashing headlong into danger and excitement, bubbling laughter cascading over her lips. But she always paused to marvel, to breath in, to be thankful.

Maybe it wasn't so much the fact that their lifespans were so mismatched as it was what they chose to do with them. Hers was a gift, something to be cherished. Yes, live it to the fullest and be the best that you can, do as much as you can...but don't lose yourself along the way. What good did it do to fill up your time to the fullest if you didn't stop and enjoy it every once in awhile?

He didn't deserve to enjoy it. Maybe once he had, but not anymore. Not after so much death, so much destruction...so much anger. There was too much blood on his hands. His sins far outweighed any good he had ever done, any good he would ever do.

Guilt and regret washed over him, drowning out every positive emotion that had started to rise to the surface. Darkness settled around him, suffocating him. His hands clenched, fingers digging into her shoulder and her side.

“Doctor?”

Light, a brilliant shining light, cut through the darkness. Blackness tinged the edges of his vision, but something was pulling him forward, urging him to leave the darkness behind.

Rose.

Her eyes were full of concern, the light from the fire casting a soft glow on her face. He loosened his grip, but didn’t let go, needing to feel her presence as much as possible.

Their relationship teetered on the brink. Either she would pull away, and probably never want to look at him again, or she would stay. He only hoped that if she stayed, that he didn't bring her crashing down with him.

"What is it?" She asked gently, lifting her hand from his chest to rest on his neck.

His eyes drifted to the fire, the orange flames reminding him a little too much of what used to be home. "Gallifrey."

When it was clear he wasn't going to continue on his own, Rose spoke quietly. "What's that?"

"It's...it's the name of my planet, where I come from."

"It's a beautiful name."

Long repressed memories sprung to the surface. "It was a beautiful place. Once upon a time, as you’d say. Until..." He swallowed, his hand still absently brushing up and down her side.

"The Time War?"

He nodded. "Well, before that actually. The Time Lords had become corrupt, but the planet itself was still gorgeous. Before...before the war."

"What happened?"

He turned his gaze to her, eyes burning. "You don't want to know."

"But I do. I want to know everything about you, your race, your planet." She paused. "The good and the bad."

"Don't be so certain."

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't try and scare me off with that vague Oncoming Storm nonsense."

"It's not nonsense, Rose."

"Then just tell me. You can do that you know? It's just me."

That was the problem. It was just her. There was no one for him to hide behind, no one to divert attention to, when it all went south, which it undoubtedly would.

The Doctor stared at her, debating. He had made up his mind earlier, to just tell her and hope for the best. But the way she was looking at him now, her eyes full of affection and concern...he didn't want to lose that. If he told her this, there was no going back, no pretending it never happened. She would never look at him the same way again. He couldn't blame her.

His eyes drifted back to the fire, unable to meet her gaze, unable to see the moment her adoration turned to disgust. The moment she saw him for the monster he really was.

"It was me. I ended the Time War." The Doctor’s voice shook, his usual confidence no where to be found.

There was a small moment of hesitation, he could see her brow furrow out of the corner of his eye. "How do you mean?" She finally asked.

I mean I slaughtered them. I mean you should leave. I mean I don't deserve to be happy ever again. Those and a million other thoughts ran through his mind. A million things he couldn't say to her.

He continued to stare into the fire, reliving his past in the blink of an eye. "I made a choice. The Time Lords had gotten as bad as the Daleks, they were going to rip the fabric of reality apart. It was them or the universe." He closed his eyes, hand now gripping her shirt, bunching it tightly in his fist. "I killed them. All of them. The Daleks...the Time Lords, my people...all dead because of me. I watched them burn, every last one. I stood by as my planet was wiped from the sky, by my own hand. I'm not even sure how I survived. But I did. And now I have to live on, alone...the blood of both races on my hands."

When she didn't answer after several minutes, he risked looking at her. She had tears in her eyes and was looking at him with such sorrow, such grief that it made his hearts ache. He should have known better. This was Rose. She wouldn't be disgusted...she would be disappointed. That hurt even more.

He waited for the let down, for her to tell him to take her home. His fingers stopped tracing pathways on her side, the hand now resting limply on her hip.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Her voice was thick with emotion, an emotion he couldn't identify.

He answered honestly, still trying to gauge her reaction. "I didn't think you would stay with me this long. And once I got to know you...I didn't want to tell you."

Rose blinked. "What? Why not?"

"Because of how you are looking at me right now, disappointed."

"You're wrong. I'm not disappointed, not in you. You carry around this big weight, this guilt that drags you down. You shouldn't."

"Rose. I killed my own people. Committed genocide, twice in one go, without even blinking. I'm a monster. There is a reason certain races fear me. I deserve to carry that guilt."

She shook her head. "I've seen you when you get angry, I've seen the Oncoming Storm, the darkness and the determination. But I've also seen what everyone else misses because they are too afraid to look you in the eye, too afraid to look closer. I can see the pain and the regret.” She touched his face, her fingertips tracing from the corner of his eye down to his chin. “It's alright to feel guilty, but you can't let it ruin the rest of your life."

"Rose, you don't understand..." He couldn't look at her anymore. She was looking at him so earnestly, so confident in her words that he almost believed her. Almost.

"Was there another way?"

The Doctor's eyes snapped back to her face. "What? That's not..."

"Look me in the eye and tell me there was another way."

He swallowed, but continued to meet her gaze head on. "There never was. I checked. I did everything I could think of, looked into every other possibility, before I even considered the last option an option at all. If there had been another way, I would have taken it. There wasn't. But I don't see how that matters."

Rose’s hand rested on his cheek. "Doctor, it makes all the difference. You didn't want to be that man. You _had_ to be."

"What if something like that happens again? You know what I almost did at the Game Station. I nearly killed billions of innocent humans, your people, just to get rid of the Daleks. I was lucky that you came back. I don't know if I could choose coward again. What if I don't?"

"Then we'll do it together."

The hand from her hip rose to grip the hand she had on his cheek. Slowly he pulled it away, lowering their joined hands to his chest and shaking his head. "I can't ask you to do that."

She looked at him with that firm Rose Tyler determination, daring him to challenge her. "You didn't. I'm offering."

"Rose...I...you can't..."

"I can and I will."

"I will never be able to live with myself if I turn you into me. You're so full of compassion and good and wonder...I don't want to take that away. I don't want you to become hard and bitter." He released her hand so he could cup her face, his eyes begging her to understand. "Don't you see? You've done so much for me. You've made me better, just by being you. But you can't change what I did. You give so much of yourself, I’m afraid one day I’ll take too much and it’ll ruin you.”

She arched an eyebrow. "Is that what you think will happen? That your grumpy Time Lord ways will corrupt me?"

He released her face, scrubbing the hand over his own in frustration. “This isn’t a joke.”

“Who said I was joking? Whether you see it or not, you _have_ changed me. But in a good way.” Rose threaded her fingers through his, then rested their joined hands on his chest. “That’s why I came back at the Game Station. You showed me a better way of living, of wanting to make a change, not just sit back and watch things happen. You are so much more than death and destruction. You bring hope. You help when no one else will. You make choices no one else is brave enough to make, and yes, sometimes that means sacrifice. That doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself for every loss, every mistake, for the rest of your life. You are not a monster, Doctor. You are not the villain in your story, you’re the hero.”

“I’m not a hero, Rose. I’m just an interfering old man. Don’t try to make me into some sort of Disney prince. You know me better than that.” His last sentence was patronizing, irritation, that she couldn’t see how terrible his actions had truly been, creeping into his words. 

Rose’s eyes flashed. “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”

“No, but heroes, heroes stay and see it through to the end. They don’t just swan off afterwards, running back into the TARDIS. I can’t be the hero. I don’t want to be the hero.” The Doctor’s thumb brushed over her hand. His eyes looked sad and faraway.

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I don’t think anyone really wants to be the hero. They either are without wanting to be, like you, or they just want the perks.”

“I don’t even want those. I just…” He trailed off, trying to figure out where the conversation had gotten out of hand. There really weren’t any hero perks that tickled his fancy. Except, getting the beautiful girl. But that usually implied a damsel in distress. Something Rose very much was not. Best not let her catch him thinking about her that way (the distressed part). “Rose, I just want you to be sure this is what you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He bit his tongue to keep from telling her just how sure. That if he could, he would spend eternity at her side, an eternity she didn’t have.

“So am I.”

“Rose, I mean it."

She rolled her eyes. “It took you _two_ years to even bloody kiss me. I think we’ve gone slow enough.”

“Trust me, I’m not taking it slow because it’s good for my health,” he laughed nervously, releasing her hand to tug on his ear. “This, changing what we are, is going to affect everything. I want you to be absolutely certain. I don’t want to go too fast and then ruin our friendship. I’m not good at this...at-at relationships. I don’t want to muck it up so badly that you want to leave.”

Rose’s expression softened as she slid her hand up his chest, leaving it to rest just below the collar of his Oxford. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You say that now.”

She fisted his shirt collar and pulled him down to her, kissing him fiercely. He usually wasn't one for being cut off or abrupt subject changes (unless it was him changing the subject), but he was growing quite fond of Rose's way of doing things, kissing.

She pulled away before it could turn into anything else.

“Come on.”

He blinked. “But…?”

She laughed, rising from the couch to tug on his hands. “Come on. I have an idea.”

…..

Rose wouldn’t tell him where they were going, just that it was a surprise. He protested of course, insisting that if she just let him _help_ he promised not to peek. Nevermind that he would need to know a tiny bit about where they were headed before he could help in the first place. She was quick to point out that (so far) she wasn’t the one taking them to the wrong place or time on a semi-regular basis. She banished him to the jump seat, where he proceeded to pout. Well, until he discovered that from that angle, he had a rather magnificent view of her bum. He fought to keep from bending her over the console and having his way with her, slow pace be damned.

They landed with the usual fanfare, being tossed to the floor while both of them laughed loudly. Rose claimed she did it on purposed. He believed her.

Urging him out the door first, she hung back at the bottom of the ramp. An unusual kind of excitement over took him. There had been plenty of times where he didn't know where he was going, setting the ship's randomizer and running out the door without checking the display. But someone else picking out some place to take him...it had never been done. He felt like he would burst from the joy and love rising in his chest.

He paused and turned back to Rose, who watched in mild confusion as he approached her. He grabbed her, splaying both hands on her back, and captured her lips. She gasped before wrapping her arms around his neck and returning the kiss. He pulled her flush against him, sucking her plump bottom lip into his mouth. He released her just as he let go of her lip, leaving her dazed.

He smirked then bolted to the door. Pulling it open he stepped outside and looked around. The more he took in, the more the smile slipped from his face.

Earth. London. 2006.

He popped his head back into the TARDIS and pointed a finger at Rose (who had the audacity to smile) with a stern look.

"If we're here to see your mother, I'm not kissing you for another two years."


	14. Babes in Toyland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The program that Rose mentions does actually exist, so I took what I wanted and poof there you go. :D Beta'd by almondina.

Rose laughed, the lighthearted sound causing him to smile despite the possibility of seeing Jackie almost two weeks ahead of schedule. If Rose thought bringing him to her mother's was supposed to make him feel better, she was seriously delusional. Maybe he had kissed her harder than he thought...

Or maybe she was trying to get him killed. Once Jackie found out about their new development, she was sure to slap him straight into his next regeneration. He could only hope the next body would be just as pretty and not wear anything hideous, like tweed. He shuddered.

Finally containing her laughter, Rose shook her head. "Don't worry. We're not here to see mum." The Doctor backed up as she exited the TARDIS, closing the door behind her. Smiling broadly she grabbed his hand and began walking, crossing the large field of browning grass towards a group of flats. The flats here were in slightly better condition than the ones her mother lived in. Not by much, but enough to make him squeeze her hand when he caught the muted sadness in her eyes. She returned the gesture, immediately putting her smile back into place.

Still refusing to tell him what they were doing, the Doctor was forced to ramble about whatever popped into his mind. He was slightly nervous, not knowing what she had in store, but it was thrilling. He couldn’t think of a single reason she had brought them here, he had to trust her. And he did.

Mid sentence on ways to keep grass green, even during the winter, his brain abruptly switched gears. "Oh. Well that's...fortunate."

He had meant to leave it alone and not explain any further than that (seeing as how he hadn’t meant to say that out loud in the first place), but his guilty tone caught Rose's attention.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "What did you do this time?"

He bumped her shoulder playfully with his. "Oi! Who says I did anything?"

"You did.” She bumped him back, a knowing smile on her face. “Your voice goes all wonky when you're guilty of something but don't want to admit it."

"Rose Tyler, my voice has never 'gone wonky', certainly not in this body." He sniffed, reaching to adjust a tie he forgot he wasn't wearing.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, your inflection changes," she amended, putting on a posh accent for a moment. "So, out with it.” She halted, the cease in movement causing him to stumble then jerk back. She looked at him with a horrified expression. “You didn't try to sonic my hair dryer again did you?"

"No, Rose, I did not. Although, now that you mention it, perhaps I--"

"Don't change the subject. What did you do?" She started walking again, pulling him along as they crossed the last half of the field.

"Ah. Well, you remember how I said I needed to make sure the TARDIS would rematerialize properly?" 

"When was this?"

How could she have forgotten? He certainly hadn’t. She had been naked...he felt his cheeks heat up. Blushing? Bloody brilliant. Hoping she would let at least this question go, he mumbled incoherently under his breath.

"Sorry, didn't catch that."

The Doctor took a deep breath, letting it all out in a rush. "Whenyouweren’twearinganyclothes."

"Oh, when I was starkers and it took you five minutes to notice?" She raised an eyebrow before stepping from grass to pavement, the flats just on the other side of the road.

He blinked, taken aback at her casual mention of the event. "I didn't...I was...anyway, that's not the point."

"Then what is the point, Doctor?"

He tugged on his ear. "I...er...never did."

Rose was silent for a moment, examining the doors on the ground row of flats. She rounded on him, eyes flashing. "You let me pilot the TARDIS without making sure we could land?"

"Er..." He wanted to take a step away, but she was gripping his hand extremely tight.

"What if I had piloted us into a black hole or something?"

"That would have been due to your driving skills, or lack thereof rather. Not-not that you lack driving skills of course! Although, if the TARDIS wasn’t able to rematerialize, then it wouldn't have mattered. Theoretically, at least. Suppose there is a small, infinitesimal possibility that we could have been sucked in...." He trailed off, working calculations in his head.

"Why didn't you say something?" Her voice was soft, her eyes full of confusion.

He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling more and more awkward. "I forgot."

She didn’t look like she believed him. "You forgot?"

His eyes slid away from hers, finding the brick walls suddenly interesting. "I was...distracted."

"By what?"

The Doctor sighed then looked back at her. "Rose...you were naked. When I left your room, the last thing on my mind were TARDIS repairs."

"Oh.” Her cheeks flushed a delightful shade of pink. A smile tugged at one corner of her mouth. “Yeah?”

He stepped directly in front of her, their arms twisting to accommodate the new angle. “Yes.” He grinned then placed a quick kiss on her lips.

Her returning smile was radiant, making his hearts skip a beat. She stepped back, tugging on his hand. “This way."

They walked past three identical black doors, with silver numbering before they came to a stop. He didn’t see anything special about this particular flat. It looked the same as every other one in the row.

He leaned down, whispering to Rose out of the corner of his mouth. "And we're here because...?"

"You'll see. I need to stop here before we can do what I really wanted us to do. Which reminds me..." Rose trailed off, turning towards him. She shoved her hand into one of his inner jacket pockets, eyes locked on his as she rummaged around. Beaming she pulled out the psychic paper, beaming. 

He should have placed it in his trouser pockets... _nonono_. Taking things slowly, that’s what he had said. Rose digging around in those pockets would certainly lead to...He shook his head, trying to shake off the images floating around his mind. "What do you need that for?"

" _You'll see._ " She poked him in the chest. "Let me do the talking."

Rose double checked the flat number before releasing his hand to step forward and knock on the door. After a moment, a woman who appeared to be in her mid fifties cracked the door open, just enough to poke her head out. Her hair, jet black with streaks of silver, was pulled back in a bun. She eyed Rose up and down with squinty blue eyes. The woman's gaze drifted to him, regarding him coolly. 

He tried to look non threatening, thankful he had left his coat back on the TARDIS. He still had no idea what they were doing her, but he doubted it was to scare the living daylights out of an old woman.

"Hi! Are you Gina?" Rose's voice broke the tension, her bubbly tone making the woman smile on impulse.

“Yes. And you are?” She had opened the door a little wider, but the Doctor still heard suspicion in her voice.

“I’m Rose Tyler.” She pointed over her shoulder. “And that’s the Doctor, my...er...friend.”

He winced, her identifier of choice cutting deeper than expected. Friend? That wasn’t entirely inaccurate, but it wasn’t right either. Or at least he thought. Could he have misunderstood? Rose didn’t seem the type just use him for the physical benefits. It still hurt.

Rose continued talking as if nothing was wrong (well, there wasn’t, not really). “Sophie sent us over to help, she said you could use the extra hands.” She flashed the psychic paper at Gina, who relaxed after reading whatever it had shown her.

“Goodness me. Why didn’t you just say so? Won’t deny willing help!” She started to go inside, but hesitated. “Was there a specific part of the process you wanted to help with?”

“Definitely the shopping part. If-if that’s alright?”

“Of course, love. Just let me grab the list.” Gina opened her door all the way and hobbled inside. Her living room was neatly kept, save several large stacks of papers covering the coffee table and flower printed sofa.

Rose looked at the Doctor over her shoulder while Gina shuffled through some papers on the coffee table. Her smile slipped at his sour expression. “What’s wrong?”

You called me your ‘friend’ that’s what’s wrong. Even though I am your friend and it shouldn’t bother me in the slightest that you didn’t tell some strange old woman that I’m your...what? What were they now? Boyfriend? He nearly blanched at the thought. He wasn’t sure what to tell Rose. He was too caught between wanting her to admit they were more (because they very much were) and wanting to run to a place where using the term ‘boyfriend’ was punishable by death, which was _maybe_ a little bit too extreme. Maybe. He wasn’t about to have a row in front of this lady either.

So he lied.

He smiled, knowing it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Her eyes bored into him, seeing straight to his hearts. He fought the urge to fidget, she knew he was lying. She always knew. Rose nodded then turned back around to wait for Gina. She hadn’t argued, but her arms were crossed and her shoulders were tense. Would he ever be able to not muck something up?

Gina came back to the door carrying a sheet of paper and a small envelope. “Here’s the list. And the money is in the envelope. I’m afraid it’s not much, so just do the best you can. Whatever you can’t get will have to wait. People just aren’t able to give much this year…” She frowned, a deep sadness reflected in her eye. Shaking her self, she smiled at Rose. “Anyway, don’t need to bore you with those details. Have fun, dears.” Handing the items off, she gripped Rose’s hands tightly for a moment to shake them in thanks.

“Thanks, Gina. We’ll be back.” Rose turned away from the door and began walking down the street.

Slightly confused, the Doctor trailed behind her. She was acting cold and distant. What had he done to...oh. He was a right idiot. Five minutes later and he had already forgotten that he had brushed off her concern. Not because he wasn’t grateful, but because it was an issue that screamed ‘domestic’ and had him ready to run, so it was easier to forget.

It hadn’t taken Rose long to discover that pressing him for what was wrong only made him irritated and clam up further. Whenever he brushed her off or she could tell something was bothering him, she backed off, giving him space to work it out or decide he was ready to tell her.

He sidled up beside her, slipping his hand in hers and matching her pace. He breathed a sigh of relief when she returned his grip. When she didn’t look at him, he fought not to panic. “Rose?” He asked quietly.

“Mmm?” She kept her eyes ahead, pretending to be more absorbed in navigating their way than he knew she really was.

“Can...can we just forget about it?”

Her head snapped around, eyes full of anger and hurt, and came to a stop.

He pulled their joined hands to his chest when she tried to free herself from his grip. “No, no, no. Not like that. I meant, for now. Which I know isn’t something you probably want to do either. But...you wanted to show me something...and I just want to enjoy whatever it is.”

She eyed him carefully, doubt lingering in her amber eyes. “Promise later you won’t look at me like I grew another head when I bring it up later?”

Rose Tyler with two heads...what could he...no. _Stop_. He smiled. “Promise.”

She kissed his cheek, her lips spreading warmth from there to the rest of his body, her smile once more lighting up her face. “This way.”

…..

They got off of the bus right in front to the toy store. The Doctor had complained for the first five minutes on how ineffective human transportation was during this century. He probably would have complained the rest of the ride had she not shut him up the best way she knew how. A way that she had wanted to do for a very, very long time...and now that she could, she was going to utilize it as often as possible.

She had turned in her seat to grip the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled, crashing his lips to hers. He spluttered and flailed his arms as she kept a firm grip, not letting him break away. It wasn't until she thrust her tongue into his mouth that he wrapped his arms around her as best he could in the small space, returning her unexpected assault with equal enthusiasm.

They had received several dirty looks on their way off the bus. They didn't care. She grinned at him like a love struck teenager, her smile only growing as she saw his mirrored expression. She took his hand and led him into the toy store.

The building was only one story, but it stretched out towards the back, aisles and aisles of toys adding to the illusion that it went on forever. Blinding fluorescent lighting made details pop out and colors appear brighter. Families wandered around, Christmas still far enough away that there was no need to rush.

The Doctor walked a little ahead of her, craning his neck to see as much as he could of the store. "Toys! Brilliant! I love a good toy. Not that I'm hopeful about finding something here. Why a toy store, Rose? I could have taken you the greatest toy store in the galaxy, I say galaxy because quite frankly there are several good ones in the whole universe. I can't pick just one.”

“It’s not about the toys, Doctor.”

“What do you mean? We’re in a toy store, of course it’s about the toys.”

She shook her head, laughing. Dropping his hand, she went and grabbed a cart before leading him into one of the aisles devoid of people. She pulled the list out of her pocket, and handed it to him.

She watched his eyes zip down the paper before they returned to her face, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Rose, what is this? Why are we doing someone else’s toy shopping? And how many children, or grandchildren rather, based off her age, does this lady have that she needs so many?”

She was having trouble reading his expression. He had mentioned once that he had been a dad once. He had never brought it up again, so she left it alone, pushing it to the back of her mind. Her chest constricted, maybe this had been too much. “They aren’t for her children or grandchildren.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Then what children are they for and why are we doing this?”

“They’re for kids who have a parent in prison. The program finds out what the parent wants to give, raises the money to buy the gifts, then gives them to the children as if it was from the parent directly.” She shrugged, the words sounding silly out in the open. “Helps them feel like they’re still a family. Thought it would be nice to...to help.”

The blank look on his face made her feel even more ridiculous. They helped people every day, saving lives, entire planets sometimes. This was small and insignificant. They wouldn’t even get to see the child receiving the present. The idea had seemed like a good one back on the TARDIS, when he was buried in guilt and grief. But now...it had been stupid. He wouldn’t see it as a gesture of giving something back, of helping those less fortunate just because you could and not because a life was in danger.

She reached for the paper still clutched in his hands, not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry. It was stupid. We’ll just...take it back, tell Gina something came up.”

He jerked the paper out of her reach then wrapped his arms around her in a bone crushing hug. She could barely breathe, but he was holding her so desperately that she could only place her arms around him in return. She rubbed small circles on his back as he buried his face in her neck.

He pulled back, his eyes shining with pride. “You are brilliant. And this is not stupid. I know why you brought us here and I’m glad you did. Thank you.” 

Rose turned in his arms to pull the list from his hands. He rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms more securely around her waist. Leaning against him, she smoothed out the paper then held it out for both of them to read. “So, where do you want to start?”

Removing one arm, he pointed at an item on the list, a train set. “How about that one? No, wait…that one.” He pointed to something further down.

A red bicycle.

She smiled. “That one?”

His lips ghosted over her ear as he spoke softly, sending shivers down her spine. “Yes.”  
…..

They spent hours in the store, wandering up and down the aisles, playing with the toys as if they were trying to pick one out for themselves (‘Testing, Rose, we don’t want them to end up with a faulty toy.’). The Doctor, of course, only having a vague concept of money, and generally finding it an annoyance, started by zeroing in on the very best. He tested them all out, and then would plop the most expensive one in the cart. Rose double checked the amount of money they were allotted to spend. Explaining to him that if they kept this up they would have to stop barely a quarter of the way down the page, he brushed her off, telling her not to worry about it. He would take care of it.

She smiled, trailing behind him as he rushed to the next item on the list. She knew he would never fully heal from what had happened, what he had done. But he could get close, if he would just try. She could see the good in him, the wonder, the desire to help and do what was right. Yes there was a darkness there, black spots staining his past that would never come out, but it wasn’t a darkness born of malice or hate. It was born of necessity, of mistakes, which as a Time Lord meant the consequences were almost always large, carrying a crippling weight. A weight he didn’t need to bear alone.

If only he would let her help.


	15. Baby, It's Cold Outside

When they came back to Gina's loaded down with bags of toys, the Doctor thought the old lady was going to have a heart attack. Her eyes were filling with unshed tears and she clutched repeatedly at her chest.

"How did you manage all of this? There wasn't enough money." Gina's voice shook and she couldn't stop staring at the toys through watery eyes.

Rose patted the Doctor’s shoulder, trailing her hand slowly down his arm, coming to rest just above his elbow. “Don’t worry about it, we took care of it.” She smiled at the older woman.

Gina lost it. She broke down and flung herself at Rose and the Doctor, encompassing them in an awkward but grateful hug. When Gina finally released them, she placed a hand on each of their cheeks. “Thank you. You are angels. Bless.”

The sincerity of her remark, and the raw joy in her eyes touched the Doctor’s hearts. He felt lighter. He had helped someone, eventually several someones, and the only sacrifice had been a little tampering with a gift card. Even though the act seemed so small in comparison to the things he did day to day, this had come freely. Free of guilt and loss. Such a simple thing, yet it raised his spirits incredibly high.

All because of Rose.

…..

Back on the TARDIS, the Doctor whirled around the console, sending them into the time vortex. He felt exuberant and ready for anything.

"So, Rose Tyler, where to--"

His blonde companion had fallen asleep on the jump seat. Rose lay on her side, head pillowed by her arms. Her legs were tucked up beneath her to keep them from dangling too far over the edge.

It had been two days since she had last slept. It was a wonder she had stayed awake so long in the first place. Thinking back, he remembered dark rings starting to form beneath her eyes. He had been so lost within himself and his self pity that he hadn't paid attention at the time. Some friend he was. Or whatever they were.

He tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear, tracing his finger down the outline of her face. Picking her up, he carried her to her room.

.....

When Rose found him hours later, the Doctor was sitting on the floor by the TARDIS doors. He had the doors wide open. A breathtaking view of the bright stars and other cosmic wonders spread out before him, the swirling colors and twinkling lights scattered on a background of inky black. His hands loosely gripped the bottom of the door frame as he leaned forward, his coat and suit jacket discarded on the railing behind him. His legs dangled over the edge and when he squinted just right it looked like he was walking on the stars.

He’d known she was there before she had even entered the console room, had heard the soft thuds of her feet as she walked down the corridor. He could usually tell when she entered a room whether he heard her or not, although he usually did, superior hearing after all. He would never admit it to her (since humans tended to be touchy about this sort of thing), but his superior sense of smell also alerted him to her presence. It wasn’t a sense that he used often, and in crowded places that particular ability tended to get muddled and wasn't very reliable. Here on the TARDIS, just the two of them, it was easy to detect her usual scent of tea, whatever shampoo she used that month, and the underlying contributor that was plain and simple Rose.

His body in general seemed to be acutely tuned into pinpointing her location and he idly wondered if any of his regenerations (past or future) would be the same or if it was a strange perk unique to this body. He wasn’t sure which way he preferred. He had been aware of her in his previous body, but since his regeneration, everything had been taken to new heights, both his awareness of and his reactions to her. The rush of hormones whenever she touched him had caught him completely off guard for the first two weeks. He became increasingly better at managing it, but was unable to stop it from happening altogether. If he was being honest with himself (for once), all he had really managed to do was put off the inevitable. He had built a dam that was ready to crack at any moment, releasing a flood of desire that he wouldn't be able to stop.

He wasn't ready in regards to the depths of his feelings for her, to be honest. They scared him more than his body’s need to be physically close to her. In many ways, his feelings were much more dangerous.

Rose sat quietly down beside him, her hand on the edge next to his and her bare legs stretching out towards the stars. She must have changed into pajamas before coming to find him. He had thought about changing her before laying her in her bed hours ago, but hadn’t trusted his self control. She stared into space as he watched her smile grew wider as she drank in the view. 

“It’s beautiful,” she sighed softly.

“Yes.” He had stopped admiring the stars as soon as she sat beside him, watching her instead.

Rose turned to him, her cheeks flushing as she realized he was talking about her and not the stars. He ran a hand through his hair, smiling nervously before looking away.

"Sorry for falling asleep on you," Rose said after a moment.

"Technically, you fell asleep on the jump seat,” the Doctor corrected. “But that detail aside, it's fine. I'm honestly surprised you stayed up that long. I mean, you have before, but that was when we were in life threatening situations and didn't have much of a choice."

"I was having fun."

He glanced at her. Her gaze was directed outwards again and she had a shy smile on her face, something he rarely saw from her. He looked away, focusing on a swirling mass of pinks and pale yellows. "Me too."

“Can we talk now?” She turned to lean against the door frame, one leg still dangling in the air while she bent the other, brushing his thigh with her knee.

“We can always talk.” He kept staring straight ahead, the rise in nerves preventing him from looking at her.

“You know what I mean. About...yesterday, at Gina’s?”

“It’s silly, shouldn’t have bothered me in the first place.” He sighed and shook his head. Wishing, not for the first time, that she would just let something go. It was frustrating really. Still, more than that, he was thankful. Thankful that she held him accountable, not letting him get away with anything, no matter how uncomfortable it made him.

“Tell me.”

“When you introduced me...you said I was your-your friend.” He voice was quiet, he half hoped that the great expanse of space before him would swallow them up, hide them in the deepest, darkest black hole in existence. Well, maybe not a black hole...He shuddered, remembering the beast in the pit. Remembering almost losing _everything_.

“You are. You’re my best mate.”

He smiled, still not looking at her. “I know.”

She picked at the hem of her shorts. “So…?”

He could feel her eyes watching him, waiting for an honest answer. His shoulders slumped, unsure of how she would react to what had bothered him. Something so small and so ridiculous. She would probably laugh. “ _So_ , with everything that happened between us recently, I thought...I thought we were more than that.”

Rose turned her head, gazing at the stars. “We are. I just...didn’t know what else to call you. Didn’t think you’d fancy if I called you my boyfriend.”

“That’s just it. I don’t.” He exhaled roughly, scrubbing a hand down his face. The fact that she hadn’t laughed at him spurring him on, attempting to explain himself without really having a handle on how he felt. He had given it more thought while she had been asleep and still came up torn. “The term seems so...childish. So inadequate. But ‘friend’ feels...I don’t know... _wrong_ , even though it’s not inaccurate. And I didn’t know how to tell you, because it makes no sense and it’s all so bloody domestic and I hate it. Not that I hate being with you, that’s-that’s not what I mean. I just...that’s not me.”

“Do you want to go back? To what we were before?” The calmness in her voice unnerved him.

He snapped his head around to see her, trying to figure out what she was feeling. “What? No.”

Rose looked at him, smiling gently. “Then relax, you’re over thinking it. Just because we’re... _together_ doesn’t mean things have to change. I don’t expect you to slow down or change what you do, who you are, just because we’re snogging. I love things the way they are. I love the running and the excitement and the quiet moments in between. I…” She trailed off and looked away, biting her bottom lip.

She had been about to say something else, something she was embarrassed to say, going by the way she worried her lower lip and the slight flush in her cheeks. His brain leapt to conclusions, thinking she was possibly going to let slip just how much she felt for him. His hearts to stumble in his chest. 

Wanting to know, but not wanting her to ask the same thing of himself, he left it alone. “What about other people?”

She furrowed her brow, but kept her head turned towards the stars. “What about ‘em?”

“You know...their...opinions or interpretations?”

Rose looked at him, shaking her head. “I don’t care about that. I’m not worried about pleasing anyone. As long as we’re happy, everyone else can sod off.”

That was a relief, but not quite what he was worried about. He tried again, not sure how to say it without sounding like an overbearing arse. “But...but what if you go around saying ‘friend’ and someone gets the wrong idea?”

“I don’t...Hold on. Doctor, are you worried about getting jealous?” A smug smile tugged at her lips, her amber eyes dancing with mirth.

“What? No! No...I…” He looked away, vigorously rubbing the back of his neck.

She giggled. “You are! You think that if I go around calling you my friend, people will get the wrong idea and I’ll be subjected to unwanted suitors.”

“Rose…” The Doctor pleaded with her to stop.

She rolled her eyes. “You are so daft. I’m pretty sure that you don’t have to worry about that.”

He turned his head to search her face, not understanding her implication. “What do you mean?”

She arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “Doctor, people called us a couple before we were even a couple.”

She was right of course. All the times they had denied it, they had really been denying the truth. He muttered under his breath, “We were always a couple.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head before clapping his hands together and giving her a wide smile. “What would you like to do today?”

“Oh! That reminds me...I think our days are off. I can’t get it right in my head, but--”

“You’re right. But, Rose... _time machine_.” He stared at her, letting it sink in.

She laughed and shook her head. “That’s not the point. We we supposed to do one activity a day, stay on track.”

“Oh, come on. What good is a time machine if you aren’t going to take advantage of it. Besides, we’ve crammed several of your activities into one day. If I can accept that, I think you can accept skipping ahead just a few days on your calendar, which I still say is pointless, and then we call it even.”

She eyed him for a moment. “Skip ahead to what date?”

He thought about it. “December fifteenth should do it. Although, that might be leaning more in your favor. We could always--”

“No. No, that’s fine. I’ll just...magically earn those three days of my existence.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. Makes you sound like your mother.”

Rose slapped him playfully on the arm, then pointed her finger at him. “Say that again and I will shove you off this ledge and into outer space. See what good being an almighty Time Lord does you then.”

He smirked. “More good than your human body will do you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You push, I’m taking you with me.”

.....

The night air was cool and crisp, the wind picking up the chill and hurling it in random bursts that stung exposed and vulnerable skin. The stars were hidden behind low grey clouds and a thin layer of fresh powder crunched underfoot. Half the houses glittered with Christmas lights, giving off their own glow.

The Doctor walked down the street arm in arm with Rose, his tan overcoat billowing with each gust of wind. Rose's cheeks were turning red from the cold, a light blue scarf wrapped loosely around her neck, the color standing out against her black coat. They had joined a group of carolers and were now bringing up the rear of the group.

Rose was vibrating with energy, if he let her go he wasn't sure where she would bounce of to. So he kept their arms linked tightly, jostling each other every other step.

Joining the group had been her idea, it was on her list of things to do. She had let him drag her around some alien market for most of the day since he had needed some things for the TARDIS and she ended up enjoying herself anyway (as usual). She suggested caroling as soon as they had got back to the TARDIS much to his initial horror. Refusing to go door to door just the two of them, he thought he had convinced her to let it go and choose something else. This was Rose and she was undeterred. 

They had walked around the average sized town for about half an hour before the sound of singing reached their ears. Her eyes had shone brighter than all of the Christmas lights on the street and she had grabbed his hand, pulling him into a run. They located the group of carolers, bundled up against the cold, and watched them from a short distance as they finished at their current house.

Once they began to move on, Rose and the Doctor attached themselves to the end of the group. A few noticed, but nobody minded. The more the merrier apparently.

Now at the next house, Rose was bouncing on the her feet, forcing the Doctor to take hold of her hand instead. Her eyes darted everywhere, the people in the group, the lights, the house...him. He had eyes for her only. Everything else was peripheral knowledge and boring details that he could process later if he wanted. Right now, he was focused on Rose.

There was some talking from the front, then suddenly they were signing. For the first song, they were both silent. Rose was drinking it in, enjoying the sound and working out how all the voices fit together. The Doctor could detect a couple of members who were consistently flat, but as a whole, the group didn't sound half bad.

Rose moved closer to him, leaning against his arm, to be heard above the sound. "You gonna sing, Doctor?"

He shook his head, tilting it toward her. "I told you. I don't know these songs." It was a lie. He knew them, or knew of them. He just didn’t want to sing.

"Bet you'd be a quick learner."

"I am not singing."

"Fine. Spoilsport."

There was a pause then a new song picked up. This time, Rose joined in. He had heard her hum or sing softly to herself rather often on the TARDIS, the sound always calmed the discord in his soul. But this, this was the first time he had heard her belting it out. She was a little rough at first, but it didn't phase her, she merely adjusted and continued on.

Her voice was beautiful. There were millions of better singers out there in terms of technical skill, but it didn't matter. Her voice reached out and touched his hearts, urging them to join in, to open up to the world around him. He was completely in awe of her.

She joined in every single song, the ones she knew and the ones she had to muddle through, learning on the fly. She hadn't looked at him the entire time, too caught up in the joyous moment of signing.

When the last song ended, Rose turned to him and smiled widely. 

With each house, with each song, with every lean of her head on his shoulder, his resolve weakened a little. Something within him, stirring and longing to join in with her, add his voice to hers, twining them together as tightly as their fingers.

Looking ahead, he added his voice to the group. After a few words, he heard her voice falter and saw her look over at him, a soft expression on her face. She squeezed his hand and joined back in. He wasn't the best singer in all the universe, although he was rather good if he said so himself. But their voices fit together, the feeling only adding to the affection building within.

They looked at each other, singing the last bars in perfect harmony, even if the group as a whole was slightly off key. The Doctor noticed her pupils were slightly dilated and he caught the tell tale sign of her tongue dragging across her bottom lip. He leaned forward, drawn in like a magnet, and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Her mouth was colder than usual and the kiss was chaste, but the way she wrapped her other arm around his waist, beneath his coat, and the way she melted into him, had him instantly craving more, arousal crashing over him from seemingly out of nowhere.

They broke apart as the group began to move on. Rose smiled at him, tightening her grip around his waist, bringing their bodies closer together, before pulling away to follow the group.

Walking hand in hand, he tried to understand where the sudden urge to snog the breath out of her was coming from. He couldn’t pinpoint the cause, only knew that she was slowly driving him mad. He tried to push it away, tried to focus on singing and letting her enjoy the activity.

He made it through one more house, one more round of singing song after song before he could no longer think straight.

His body still humming with desire, a deep pool of lust that he was rapidly drowning in, he darted into a passing alley, yanking Rose with him. He barely registered her look of surprise before he shoved her against the brick wall and claimed her lips with his own, one hand tangled in her hair and the other clinging to her waist. His tongue darted into her mouth and he pressed his body against hers.

At first Rose had been so surprised that she couldn’t keep up with his movements, simply clinging to him and letting him snog her breathless. He pulled away to let her catch her breath, moving to press kisses along her jawline and just below her ear. Panting in his ear, she gripped his suit jacket and arched into him. Pleasure shot along his nerves, causing him to groan and nip lightly at her neck. She shivered beneath him. He brought his lips back to hers and this time she responded just as fiercely, lips and tongues working together to bring his state of arousal higher and higher. They gripped each other desperately, bodies pressing together in frantic lust filled need.

Breaking the kiss, he looked into her dark eyes, their heavy breaths mingling in the air.

Her voice was low and husky as she gathered enough air to speak. “TARDIS. Now.”


	16. Silent Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd

By the time they made it back to the TARDIS, the Doctor had wrestled control of the powerful desire that had been pounding through his veins, processing the hormones as quickly as possible. Rose also seemed less impatient. He guessed that her newfound calmness had more to do with the cold and gradual fading of her hormones over time and less to do with loss of nerve. He let her through the door first then followed, stopping at the bottom of the ramp and running a hand nervously through his hair. 

Rose turned around when she noticed he wasn’t right behind her. Her cheeks were still red and the snowflakes that had fallen in her hair as they raced back to the TARDIS were beginning to melt. She approached him slowly with her palms up, like one would an easily spooked wild animal. That wasn’t an entirely inaccurate description of himself at the moment, wild and ready to run.

He watched her with wide eyes, still wanting but now unwilling to follow through with what _he_ had started. He was grateful for the cold. If it had been warm (and Rassilon forbid she had worn a dress) he probably would have shagged her right there against the wall. 

"Come on," Rose whispered as she slid her hand into his.

Nodding wordlessly, he followed her through the console room and down the hall. He tried not to think, tried to mindlessly trudge behind her. His fragile numb state didn't last long. Reaching her room, she opened the door and pulled him inside. He swallowed. His mind and his hearts were racing, trying to see which would overload first. 

She released his hand to close the door, since he had frozen to the spot. He stared at the bed in the middle of the room, a great big symbol of everything he wanted and everything he feared. He felt her hand on his back, sliding over his shoulder as she walked in front of him. He couldn’t read the emotion in her eyes.

“Rose,” he choked out, the panic clawing at his chest preventing him from saying anything else.

She shook her head and placed a finger to her lips. Deeply confused, he obliged, unable to think and do much else anyway. He gulped as she carefully undid the buttons of his suit jacket. Rose slid her hands underneath the material to push it off his shoulders, shucking his coat with it, both items of clothing hitting the ground with a muffled whoosh. Placing one hand over each of his hearts, she stood on tip toe and pressed her lips to his. Warmth spread through his body. He only dared clench his fists, still unsure of where this was going. Not even sure of where he _wanted_ it to go.

One of the buttons on the Doctor's Oxford popped open. She was unbuttoning his shirt. His hands flew up to grab her wrists, stilling her hands, and he pulled back from the kiss. 

“Rose, I…” He trailed off. I what? I want you? I want you to stop? He didn't want her stop. Well, his body didn't want her to stop, that was the only thing he was sure of at the moment.

“Shh. You trust me, yeah?” Her amber eyes radiated warmth and understanding, her desire simmering beneath the surface.

“Yes, but I--”

“Then hush.” Rose kissed him again, harder this time, while her hands worked to untuck his shirt.

He cupped her face with both hands, kissing her with a slow desperation that was almost painful, finding relief with each responding swipe of her tongue. Sucking on his bottom lip, Rose made quick work of the final buttons. He groaned, both in pleasure and dismay, as he was forced to release her while she pushed his shirt from his shoulders. It added to the pile at his feet, leaving him in his Henley and trousers.

His muscles tightened reflexively as she danced her fingers along his abdomen, teasing along his belt line. She stepped back, eyes roving up and down his frame before meeting his confused gaze.

"Trainers and trousers off." She pointed at the lower half of his body. 

He felt his eyes nearly pop out of his skull. "But--"

"Off. Then up in the bed. No arguments. Don't talk, just do." Rose turned and walked to her en suite, leaving him to stare helplessly at the sway of her hips.

The click of the door snapped him out of shock. If he continued to stand there he would overthink everything. He would panic (more than he already was) and he would run. He couldn't do that to her. He had done it too many times. With a deep breath and shaking hands, he began to undo his trousers and toe off his trainers.

Climbing into the bed, he snuck under the duvet, feeling the need to hide himself before Rose came back out. The Doctor took several steadying breaths, willing his hearts to slow down before they beat out of his chest. The fact that this was Rose should have calmed him, should have made this easier. But that was precisely why he was panicking. It was Rose. She was perfect and she deserved perfect.

Rose exited the en suite in a pink set of her usual jim jams, the bottoms pink and grey plaid. He was a touch disappointed. He wasn't exactly ready for where this was heading, but he had very much looked forward to the undressing Rose Tyler part.

She climbed into the bed and snuggled up to his side, resting her head on his shoulder. She was warm, except for her toes, which made him yelp when she pushed them under his calf. Giggling, she tilted her head up. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze.

"This ok?" Rose rested an arm on his chest.

"If you tell me what 'this' is, then I could answer your question." He wrapped his arm around her, needing her closer.

"Sleeping?" She said it as if it were the obvious answer and she wasn't sure how he, the brilliant Time Lord, had not yet arrived at the same conclusion.

"Sleeping?" He looked down at her, brows furrowed.

"Yes. You know that thing you do when you close your eyes?"

"Oh." Disappointment hit first, his fantasies once again out of reach.

"If not--"

"No, no, no. I just...you were...that is, I thought..." He cleared his throat, trying to form a coherent thought.

"Oh. _Oh_. Sorry, I thought...if you want, we could. But..."

"No! No. Not that I don't want to, because I do. But sleep, sleep is good. Fantastic. Brilliant even."

"So you'll stay with me?" Rose’s question was quiet and uncertain.

"Yes." He held her tighter and reached for the hand of hers that rested on his chest, threading their fingers together. 

.....

He had been awake most of the night, a myriad of thoughts running through his mind (mostly thoughts that had to do with Rose of course). The mental exhaustion of all the what if’s had finally caught up to him and he passed out, an hour before Rose's regular sleep cycle was due to end. 

He began the slow rise from consciousness, fighting to hold onto the dream he was having. He was already starting to lose details, but it had Rose and she was naked. He very much wanted to stay. He reached out, grabbing the last few strands of the dream and clutched them to his chest.

"I hope you're comfortable." A voice that sounded a bit too loud, and a bit too much like Rose, came from somewhere above his head.

His eyes popped open. _Breastsbreastsbreasts_. Jerking backwards as if his cheek had been burned, he over calculated and tumbled off the bed. He got tangled in the duvet, arms flailing wildly as he crashed to the floor, landing in a knot of limbs and cloth.

Rose peered over the edge of the bed, one eyebrow raised and her eyes sparkling with mirth. "They not to your satisfaction then?"

"What? No! And by no, I mean yes. Wait, no. Hold on, that doesn't make sense." He scrambled to his feet, spluttering as he tried to untangle himself. "What I'm trying to say is that you have, er, lovely...um...well, they're rather..." He trailed off, the reality of what he had been doing catching up to him. He had been sleeping on Rose's chest. "Blimey, Rose have you ever laid on them? No, I suppose not. They are attached after all. Ooohhh. I'm saying this last bit out loud aren't I?"

"Don't let that stop you." She was sitting on the bed propped up on her elbows with a smug expression on her face, her hair adorably tousled from sleep.

The Doctor eyed her appreciatively. Long expanses of creamy skin on her arms and legs called out to him, begging to be touched. His fingers itched to trace patterns on her flesh that he would retrace with his tongue. His hands longed to explore the areas of her body still covered by fabric. His embarrassment was quickly being washed away by the desire to feel her beneath him, feel her mouth move over his, to just feel all of her.

He threw the duvet to the floor and lunged towards her. Hovering over her, arms and legs caging her in, he dipped his head down and proceeded to snog the smug expression off her face. He hadn't counted on Rose bringing her hands to his head, scraping her nails gently across his scalp, friction that sent tantalizing bolts of pleasure up and down his spine.

Tongues played off each other, teeth nipped playfully before mouths sucked on bottom lips. He was getting high off her kisses, euphoria crashing over him. Wave by wave he was losing himself to her taste and her touches. She tugged on his hair, causing him to groan and lower himself to her, rocking his hips in search of relief. She hooked her legs behind his knees and arched into him.

His hands had been idle, palms pressed to the mattress on either side of her head. The flames of his desire were being stoked higher and higher and he needed to feel more of her. Propping himself up on one elbow, the other hand skated down to her side. Fingers flexed over her rib cage before sliding slowly up her body. 

Hesitating for an instant, spurred on by another tug to his hair, he covered her breast with his palm then squeezed gently. Rose broke the kiss, moaning and arching into his hand. He trailed kisses across her jawline and down her neck, stopping to suck on her pulse point. Rose panted in his ear as he massaged her breast through the thin fabric. 

He traced his thumb in a tight circle over her nipple. Her hips bucked against him. He groaned as pleasure shot through his body. He was overcome by lust, doubts burning away by the scorching flames of passion and desire. A tingle started at the back of his mind. A faint hum that was growing steadily louder, urging him to mentally reach out to her.

Anxiety crashed through his system, knocking down pillars of desire that he was so precariously resting upon. His hand retreated back to her hip and he kissed her again, slowly, wanting to bring her down gently before he ran again. 

After a few moments, he broke the kiss and stared into her still darkened eyes. Inside he was in agony, his seemingly inability to control any part of his body around her was growing increasingly frustrating. This was something she wouldn't understand, something he had assumed wouldn't be a problem. After all, Rose wasn't a telepath, touch or otherwise. His mind apparently had other ideas.

She blinked up at him. "Everything ok?"

"Not so smug now, are you Miss Tyler." He plastered on a smile and waggled his eyebrows.

He watched her hesitate, recognized the searching look on her face whenever she knew something was wrong. His breath was uneven and he was fighting to keep his arms from shaking. Please, this time, just let it go. 

She groaned in frustration, rolling her eyes.

"Hmm?" He tried again, afraid speaking would give himself away.

"Get out you git so I can shower." She smiled and pushed him off of her.

The smile didn't reach her eyes and his hearts clenched knowing he was the cause. She had read the signs and given him an out. She was more than he would ever deserve. He pressed a kiss to her lips, trying to convey his apology and his thanks.

He got off the bed and didn't bother to redress, merely scooped up his discarded clothes from the floor. He looked over his shoulder on his way out the door.

"I'll see you in a bit."

Rose smiled before throwing a pillow at his head.

After the Doctor had shut the door, Rose collapsed backwards on her bed, groaning in frustration. His constant hot then cold attitude was going to drive her mental. Each time things got physical, he pushed it further, bringing her closer to the edge. If he kept up this way, achingly tiny steps filled with extreme passion, she was going to end up climaxing with nothing more than a simple touch.

She rubbed her thighs together, the desire he had ignited still throbbing between her legs. He needed to get his act together, soon. She couldn't be too mad at him, he _was_ trying. She wasn't sure what had him freaked this time. Hopefully her peace offering of giving him an out, basically kicking him out of her room, would be enough to convince him to take things completely to the next level. That was probably asking way too much.

She needed a distraction. Sitting up, she noticed the bags full of Christmas decorations still sat untouched by her vanity. She wondered what color garland would look best in the console room.

.....

The Doctor had showered and dressed, a clean pair of brown pinstriped trousers paired with a dark blue tshirt. The combination felt off and he was constantly scratching at his bare arms. He didn't feel like ruining another perfectly good Oxford as he worked on the TARDIS. And by work on, he meant hide in.

His footfalls were loud as he walked towards the console room, mentally scolding himself. His mind hadn't actually tried to reach out to hers, but he had felt the growing want, the growing need. Not to form a permanent bond of course. He would never do that without her express permission, no matter how much he wanted it. He wasn't even sure if it would be possible with Rose, what with her being a human. 

His mind had wanted to join hers temporarily, to add to the sensations and the intimacy of the moment. It was something he thought he had more control of, something that he hadn't expected to awaken on its own. Then again, maybe he did have control, he hadn't exactly stuck around to find out. The fear of not being able to control it and remembering how angry Rose had been when she first found out the TARDIS was in her head had caused him to back pedal. He should have just talked to her instead of running off to sulk.

Coward.


	17. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almondina didn't get a chance to fully beta, so all mistakes are mine. But she helped me work through some kinks, because she's awesome.

Upon exiting the storage room, the Doctor immediately noticed a difference. Every other door on alternating sides of the hallway sported a large bright red bow, the edges lined with golden glitter. The ceiling had two rows of Christmas lights running the entire length of the hall, adding a soft white light to the orangey glow of the corridor.

Rose.

He couldn't help but smile. She had apparently been very busy as he had hid himself away in various locations on the TARDIS, tinkering with things that probably didn't need to be tinkered with in the first place. Oh well, that never stopped him before. He was nine hundred years old, he wasn't about to stop now. Although, this time he had probably broken more things than he had fixed.

He walked down the halls, growing more and more apprehensive. Hiding himself away with his thoughts had done him no favors. He had talked himself into taking things further with Rose as often as he had talked himself out of it. He was still stuck in limbo. His hearts (and his ever infuriating body) wanted, practically screamed at him, to move forward. His mind was not convinced, constantly over thinking and and filling him with doubt. 

The Doctor entered the console room and froze. The TARDIS hummed happily in the back of his mind. Gold garland was wound around the railings. Blue lights were wrapped around the coral struts as high as Rose, since she was obviously the culprit, could reach. The guilty party was currently in the middle of tying a great big red bow around the time rotor. She was standing precariously on the console, feet placed awkwardly so as not to crush any of the equipment.

He watched her for a moment and wondered what good he had ever done to deserve her in his life. She brought so much joy, so much light anywhere she went. If he was ever forced to take the slow path, he would want to take it with her. He would give up everything, his regenerations, even the TARDIS, if it meant spending a life with her. She had promised him her forever. He only wished he could promise her the same. The gaping difference in their lifespans was a cruelty he tried his best to ignore.

Mentally shaking himself, his eyes drifted over her body. Her jeans hugged her curves in all the right places and even her maroon jumper clung to her in such a way that it was slowly driving him mad. He felt the slow stirrings of desire as he watched her finish tying the bow. The fact that she had made herself right at home on his time ship, that she had made such a permanent place for herself, only added to his need for her. The TARDIS was now her home, but Rose was now his.

Walking up to stand behind her, the Doctor carefully placed a hand on each of her lower legs, brushing his thumb back and forth across her calves. He felt a tremor under his fingertips and watched it work its way up her body. He ran his hands up her legs, pausing just below her bum, before bringing them back down. He wasn’t sure what had made him initiate, just that he could no longer simply stand back and watch.

Slowly she turned, his hands keeping a steady grip to help her stay balanced. Bending down, Rose placed her hands on his shoulders while he moved his hands to her waist. The Doctor stepped back as Rose hopped off the console, his hands helping guide her to the floor.

"Hello." He smiled softly at her, noting the way her eyes kept flicking down to his lips.

"Hello." She smiled back, a brilliant smile that had his hearts stumbling in his chest.

He wasn't sure who moved first or if they met in the middle, but one moment he was staring into her eyes and the next moment he was kissing her. It was slow and careful, a gentle moving of lips to test the waters after his abrupt departure in the morning. She swiped her tongue along the seam of his lips. He opened his mouth to her, letting her set the pace, while he anchored his hands on her hips.

She sucked his bottom lip into her warm mouth, the slowly smoldering flames suddenly sparking into a raging wildfire. He groaned and pulled her roughly against him. No longer content to let her lead, he kissed her fiercely, sparks of pleasure shooting along his veins.

She pushed lightly on his shoulders, leading him backwards until the backs of his legs hit the jump seat. Breaking the kiss, she grinned at him wickedly, eyes dark with desire. She shoved him and he released her hips, flailing his arms till he plopped down on the tan canvas. His hearts hammered in his chest, blood pounded in his ears, as she placed a knee on the seat beside his thigh. She held his gaze and his hands helplessly found their way back to her hips as she straddled his lap. He swallowed thickly, knowing she would be able to feel just how much he wanted her in their new arrangement.

She arched an eyebrow and slid her hands into his thick hair. He licked his lips, needing to feel her mouth on his, her warmth breath mingling with the cool air of his own. Rose fisted locks of his hair and pulled, angling his head backwards. She bent forward, licking and sucking her way down his neck. He moaned, digging his fingers into her hips to try and prevent his body from reacting the way it wanted. She nipped at his pulse point before drawing the area into her mouth, soothing the sting with her tongue. His eyes slammed shut and his hips jerked up of their own accord. She hummed against his skin, rocking her hips against his erection.

One of his hands moved to tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck. Two could play at this game. He pulled. Rose’s startled gasp was swallowed by his mouth. For a moment he was in control, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth while she shuddered against him. She raked her nails over his scalp and rolled her hips. He moaned into her mouth, giving himself over to each sensation, riding each building wave of pleasure.

The Doctor's hand that still rested on her hip slipped under her sweater, her hot flesh searing his palm. It was a pleasant burn, a scalding heat that left him wanting to feel more. With each swipe of her tongue, he edged his hand higher, his fingers twitching against her skin. His thumb brushed the underwire of her bra. Rose nipped his bottom lip, urging him on. His hand moved up and cupped her breast through her bra.

She broke the kiss, tilting her head back and rocking against him, moaning with pleasure. The Doctor began pressing open mouthed kissed along her neck and jaw. He was burning with need for her, all thoughts except those of Rose completely lost. The tingle at the base of his spine raced up and pooled at the back of his skull. He tried to ignore it, tried to push it away.

Rose found his lips, her tongue matching his stroke for stroke. Her hands toyed with the collar of his shirt. Her kisses were pushing him further, urging him to continue massaging her breast. The buzz in his mind grew louder, his mind seeking the same connection his body was screaming for.

Amidst his mind and body's ever growing need for Rose, he hadn't noticed her grab his other hand. Placing her palm on the back of his hand, she moved his palm to cover her other breast through her sweater. He squeezed both breasts, reveling in the way she shuddered and groaned into his mouth. His mind reached out, brushing the golden light of her consciousness.

The Doctor froze, his eyes popping wide. Too much. It had been too much. The ever lurking panic crept in, digging its talons into his hearts. Rose tried to keep kissing him but pulled back when she realized he had become unresponsive.

"Stop." His voice was low and husky, his arousal still stampeding through his system. He removed his hands from her chest, trying not to touch her skin as the one hand snaked out of her shirt.

She blinked then leaned back. He could see the confusion and the rejection rising through the haze of lust that lingered in her eyes. It was his fault, again, and he hated himself for it. He tried to muster up the courage to talk to her about it. Maybe she wouldn’t take it as bad as he thought.

"I--Rose...can you get off of me, please?" He tried to keep his voice level. He wanted to talk, but he couldn’t focus with her still straddling his lap. Too many other thought got in the way. This was going to be hard to explain as it was.

"What's wrong?" With his help she slid off his lap and into the jump seat beside him. She sat with her legs crossed and body turned to face him. 

"We can't...I can't...." He made a gesturing motion between them, not sure where to start. He was still so in shock that his mind had actually reached out and touched hers. For that brief moment, it had been wonderful. A tiny flare of golden euphoria wrapping around his mind and spreading through his body. Quite frankly, he was amazed he had been able to pull back so quickly.

"What do you mean...we can't?" Her eyes held his but her hands fidgeted with the hem of her jumper.

"Rose, you’re not a telepath...and I…” He scrubbed a hand down his face. How could he make her understand it wasn’t that they couldn’t at all...just that he apparently had no self control. Not only was it rather embarrassing to admit (even to himself), it was also something that she had made clear she did not want, someone else wandering around in her mind. He wasn’t sure she was willing to make an exception, even for him.

"Oh. So that's what this is about?" A biting tone had creeped into her voice.

"No! I mean yes, that is to say...sort of. Ok, yes. But...also no."

"You're right, I'm not a telepath, so just say it." Her eyes were narrowed and her nostrils flared. Oh, this was not good.

"I'm trying…” This was spiraling out of control, turning from slightly awkward into total chaos. “It’s just complicated. Hard to put it in a way you can understand."

"Oh, I understand alright."

"You do? Oh that's brilliant! So you get why I...why we..." He trailed off. His mind catching the bitterness in her voice a little too late.

"I'm not good enough for you. I'm just some stupid little ape." Rose pushed up from the jump seat and began walking away.

"What? No, Rose...that's-that's not--" He jumped up after her, he couldn’t let her leave, not when she had it all wrong.

"Don't try and spare my feelings, Doctor.” She spun back around to face him, eyes flashing. “You're always going on about how inferior humans are. All this time...I never realized you meant me."

"Rose, you're getting it wrong. I don't think you're inferior. Well, technically you are, by all comparisons. Humans don't even count telepathy as an actual sense. How rubbish is that?" This was going all wrong. They weren’t supposed be talking about...well, they weren’t supposed to be talking at all. Maybe it wasn’t too late to reign it back in. 

"I'm sorry that I wasn't a natural born telepath. Like Reinette."

"That is not fair.” He shook his head. Anger began to bubble in his veins. “Not to mention, it has no bearing on this conversation. I thought we had worked past that? I can’t believe after all this time, you would still be jealous.”

Rose’s eyes widened then narrowed in rage. He saw it coming before her hand connected. A loud crack echoed in the console room. The Doctor cupped his face gently. She slapped as good, if not better than, her mother.

“I want to go back to my mum’s. Not for good. I just...I can't be around you right now." She was shaking and her hands were clenched into fists.

His hearts dropped to the floor, the pain in his face momentarily forgotten. "Rose, please. You can't leave. I--" 

His head snapped to the side, a second slap burning into his cheek. He tenderly touched his face, wincing at the shooting pain from even the lightest pressure. He worked his jaw, fairly certain she had very nearly dislocated it. He refocused on her, his angry retort dying on his lips.

" _You_ do not get to tell me what I can and can't do." Her amber eyes were shining with tears, but the flash of anger in them overshadowed the hurt lying in their depths. "This is your fault. If you wanted me to stay then you shouldn't have jerked me around. If you want me to come back--"

"I do. I don't want you to leave in the first place." He felt sick. His stupid, stupid gob had went and mucked things up, again. And this time, he wasn’t sure if there would be any coming back from the damage he had just caused. He had been an idiot for thinking he would be able to explain his mental urges while his body was brimming with lust. Not to mention the panic from almost giving in to said urges being thrown in the mix.

"It's too late for that. I'll come back. But if you don't get your shit together, the next time I leave, it will be for good. Now. Take. Me. Home."

He flinched but nodded. The challenging look in her eyes told him that she had referred to her mother's flat as home intentionally, to show him just how much he had cocked up. He slumped his shoulders, losing his will to fight...his will to live only hanging on by a thread. If she didn't come back...no. He couldn't think like that right now.

Satisfied with his response, Rose stormed off down the hall.

.....

Rose slammed the door shut, immediately sending a mental wave of apology to the time ship. It wasn’t her fault her driver was a bloody bastard. For a moment she just stood there, squeezing her eyes and fists shut tight and taking deep relaxing breaths. The walls seemed too close, the air too heavy. She refused to let him see her cry. She hated that he had the ability to make her cry in the first place, she wished she was stronger than that. It really wasn’t a surprise though, not when she...no. It didn’t matter now. It would never matter. There was always going to be something holding him back, even if he returned her feelings to some degree. He would never be willing to just give in and let go.

So, she would go to her mum’s for a bit, have a good cry and then rebuild the walls around her heart. Jackie would probably push her to go find some rebound bloke. Rose knew she wouldn’t be able to do that, not so soon. She would still love the Doctor and as long as he kept his feelings, whatever they maybe at this point, in check when she came back, she was going to stay. She valued his friendship and their way of life too much to throw it all away over a broken heart. And maybe one day, on her own terms, she would find someone else.

She took a deep breath then picked up her red and black duffle bag, and began to pack.

.....

He tried to ignore Rose, tried to ignore the duffle bag resting by her feet. He couldn’t. The pain was too much, it was eating him alive. He had felt so certain that he would be able to keep himself under control. Not only had he failed to do that, but he had failed to explain himself properly to her. A mouth that always talked, yet never said what he meant.

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from pleading with her, he moved slowly about the console as he set the TARDIS to take Rose home. Bile churned in his stomach. The TARDIS was her home, not some shoddy flat in a good-for-nothing estate in London. Rose belonged on the TARDIS just as much as he did. It was _wrong_ for her to be anywhere else.

The TARDIS landed with a soft bump. He couldn't even take pride in it, the whole situation was just so...wrong. Out of habit, he walked down the ramp and to the doors. He heard Rose lift her bag and begin to follow. He pulled one of the doors open.

Eyes popping wide, he slammed the door shut. He pressed his body against the exit, blocking Rose's path.

"Doctor, move out of the way." She dropped her bag at the top of the ramp and gave him an exasperated look.

"Rose, do _not_ go out there." He dashed up the ramp and sent the time ship hurling into the vortex just as she was about to open the doors.

"I'm not playing a game here, Doctor. Take me home." She marched back up the ramp and crossed her arms as she watched him move about the console.

"I-I know, Rose. Just...one minute." He swung around the console, muttering under his breath and trying to ignore the scowl she was giving his back.

The ship landed once again, this time with a little more of the usual shaking. He looked at the display and groaned. Back into the vortex.

"Doctor?" He voice was laced with warning.

"Just...hold on." He was trying, he really was. But something just wasn’t...

The ship landed violently this time, throwing Rose to the floor. He had been gripping the console, ready for the impact. The display still wasn't reading right. He smacked it...once, twice, three times. It was still saying the same thing. The _wrong_ thing.

The Doctor bounded to the doors as Rose righted herself. Looking outside, he swore under his breath. He turned around and almost knocked Rose over.

"What is going on?" She glared at him, hands planted on her hips.

"Um...well...the thing is, Rose." He tugged on his ear. "Look, this isn't my fault. It's the damn bloody TARDIS. She won't--ow." He had kicked his foot against the nearest railing, flinching as the impact was a little harder than he expected.

"What are you...?" She pushed around him, opening the door to look outside. After a moment, she slammed it shut, stunned disbelief on her face. "This isn't my mum's flat."

"No." He shook his head, waiting for her to yell, to slap him again, to demand to he take her home permanently.

"Why does it look like we landed in the middle of a Christmas movie?"


	18. Stuck With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by almondina. I promise not to torture the characters (or you) too much longer.

“Rose, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I _swear_ to you that this is not my fault.”

“What’s going on?” Rose pulled her head back through the door. Her eyes were narrowed at him, ready to detect the faintest lie.

“I--I’m not sure.” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, willing himself to keep looking her in the eye. “This seems to be the only place the TARDIS is willing to land.”

“What do you mean ‘willing to land’?” she asked, the pitch of her voice increasing at the end of her sentence.

“I was trying to take you...take you…” He felt like his hearts were being ripped into pieces. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t call some place other than here her home. He swallowed and looked away. “I was aiming for your mother’s flat, but the TARDIS keeps taking us here.”

“Right. Sounds more like driver’s error." She pushed past him and headed towards the console. "Just like everything else,” she muttered.

Her words were like a slap to the face, harsh and stinging. He followed Rose numbly up the ramp, half believing that she was right, that he couldn't even do this much for her, but the unusual silence from the TARDIS told him otherwise.

Rose began working her way around the console. Instead of her usual spark of enjoyment, a grim determination was visible in every move she made. Even without the delight lighting up her face, she was still beautiful, still moved with an easy grace like she was made for this. His soul cried out in pain. He was losing her, he could feel it. She said she would come back, that she just needed a break. 

This time, he wasn’t sure he believed her.

The TARDIS touched down softly and Rose marched back to the doors, the start of a smug grin on her face. He continued to trail after her without thinking, like a dejected puppy following its mistress blindly, seeking her forgiveness. She opened the doors and looked out, only to slam them shut again.

“What did you do?” She rounded on him.

“I didn’t _do_ anything!” He stepped back and held his palms up in surrender. “It’s the TARDIS.”

“You can’t just blame everything on the TARDIS. I know you were in here tinkering around earlier. I bet you broke something, again.” Rose sounded exasperated and he saw a deeper hurt lingering in her eyes.

He stared at her, a long obvious piece of the puzzle slipping into place. Out loud her words were about the TARDIS, but her eyes told him she was talking about her heart. What a bloody idiot he was. He ached to reach out and touch her, to hold her and tell her he was sorry. To take it all back and ask for her forgiveness. It’s what he should have done. But the wounds were too raw, nevermind that they were all his fault.

“Just because I was tinkering doesn’t mean I broke something. And it definitely doesn’t mean I did it on purpose.” His last sentence was soft, hoping she would catch his double meaning.

"Just fix it," she bit out between clenched teeth.

Red lights flashed around the console room and sparks flew from the console. Showers of white hot particles shot towards them and began raining from the ceiling, driving them out the doors in a panic. He grabbed his coat from its place by the door, thankful he had put his suit jacket back on while Rose had gone to pack. The Doctor took two steps away from the TARDIS when heard tinkling laughter in the back of his mind.

 

"No, Rose! Don't shut the..." He scrambled towards the TARDIS, too late. Rose had pulled both doors shut. "Doors. Oh, brilliant. That's just bloody brilliant. You are not the boss of me!" He smacked the side of the ship before yanking his hand back and shaking it in the air.

"Doctor...just unlock the doors." Rose gave him a funny look, not fully understanding the cause of his outburst. "Like so." She stepped up to the doors, pulling her key from its safe spot, nestled between her breasts. He took a deep breath, trying not to think about _those_ at the moment.

"I don't think that is going to work." He leaned against the TARDIS and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Rose stubbornly shoved her key into the lock. She twisted the key, a smile spreading over her face when she heard it click. She pushed...the door didn't budge.

The TARDIS sent the Doctor a flurry of images and emotions. The meddlesome little...why couldn’t she just leave well enough alone. He banged the back of his head against the door. Groaning, he slid to the ground and placed his head in his hands.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Rose crouched down beside him, reaching out to touch him but then jerking her hand back halfway to his arm.

"The TARDIS." He looked up, smiling weakly. "She isn't going to let us leave."

"What do you mean?"

"Until we sort out our...um...problem. We are not welcome on board." He watched her face as she processed his words. Her hint of concern faded as the meaning sunk in, replaced with indignant outrage.

"Oh no, no, no.” She shot to her feet, pointing from him to the TARDIS. “You tell your bloody ship to open this door right now so you can take me home.”

“She’s a sentient time machine...she doesn’t take orders from anyone, least of all me. You should know that by now.” He looked up at her, unwilling to move.

“So what do we do? Apologize? I’m sorry. Ok? I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that easy. She in your head, and mine, remember? She knows you don’t mean it.”

“Oh? Then why didn’t she stop you from--nevermind. I don’t want to know.”

“Rose, I--”

“Just don’t. I can’t right now, yeah?”

A loud blaring of trumpets caught their attention. Too caught up in their own drama, they had forgotten about where the TARDIS had taken them. Snow covered the ground as far as the eye could see and the twin suns hanging in the sky shone brightly. Only a short distance from where they landed was a town that stretched towards the horizon. It did indeed look like they had landed into the makings of a Christmas movie. The houses looked like life sized gingerbread houses, the snow covering the roofs like a fresh layer of frosting. Christmas lights adorned each and every house, wreaths hung on every door. The street lights were shaped and colored like candy canes, well, they probably were candy canes. Very large candy canes. He couldn’t tell from this distance but he was sure there was bound to be an abundance of mistletoe scattered throughout the town. He pulled a face. This is not how they were supposed to come here.

Through the gaps in the houses they could see crowds of people lining the street. Excited murmurs and rowdy laughter filled the air as the trumpets they had heard earlier came closer. Ever curious, Rose watched for a moment before turning back to him.

“What’s going on?”

“Go look.” He stared straight ahead, gaze unfocused.

She worried her bottom lip, searching his face.

“Rose, go.” He turned back to her, trying to give her a reassuring smile. “I’ll still be here when it’s over.”

“You know what it is then?”

“Yes. I had...I wanted…” He sighed then shook his head. “It’s doesn’t matter. Just go, have fun.”

A strange emotion passed over her face. Her body leaned forward, accustomed to touches and hugs. She stiffened, gave him a curt nod then headed towards the crowd.

She would be gone for a couple hours. It was something he had wanted to take her to, something he had wanted them to do together. The TARDIS had apparently picked up on it and taken matters into her own hands. He couldn’t bear to go watch, the fight they had just gotten into spoiling the excitement he had felt when first thinking of bringing her here. Making himself comfortable in the snow, he closed his eyes and replayed the row over and over in his head.

…..

Rose trudged through the snow towards the row of houses and group of people just beyond. Part of her was thankful that the Doctor had stayed behind. The distance would allow her to calm down and think. Still, there was that ever present need to be beside him, to feel her hand tucked safely away in his.

She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head. No, she would not give in to that feeling. He had hurt her, had sunk her self worth lower than it had been in a very, very long time. Since Jimmy. She wouldn’t allow the Doctor to do that to her again. Just because she wasn’t a bloody Time Lord or even a telepath, didn’t mean she was less than him. But if that’s how he felt, it was his loss. She just wished his bloody TARDIS hadn’t gotten in the middle of it. Now she would have to try and hurt and mend right before his eyes, something she hadn’t planned on doing at all.

Reaching the crowd, she pushed all thoughts of the Doctor from her mind. The middle of the street was clear, groups of people lining the road on either side. Everyone wore some sort of seasonal apparel on their heads. She saw Santa hats, reindeer antlers, elf hats complete with bells, and some others she didn’t quite recognize but assumed they followed the same theme due to their bright reds and greens. She felt a little out of place until a stranger offered her a Santa hat, free of charge, with a bright smile on his face. Placing the hat on her head, she wormed her way to the front. Her eyes widened in wonder as she looked down the street where the start of a parade was working its way down the street.

It lasted at least two hours, and it was the best Christmas parade she had ever seen. The costumes and floats were made with incredible attention to detail, a real winter wonderland parading down the street before her eyes. The live reindeer and polar bears had her bouncing with excitement. 

More than once she found herself turning to the side, searching for a pair of dark brown eyes that weren’t there.

.....

"Have you been sitting here this whole time?"

The Doctor opened his eyes. Rose stood in front of him, arms crossed and a Santa hat placed on her head that she picked up from who knows where...or who. Stop it, now was not the time to get irrationally jealous. She stared at him in concern. Oh, right. She had asked him a question.

"Yes," he replied, his voice hollow. He looked away. Looking at her, framed by bright sunlight, was too painful. Her beauty only reminded him of his loss. He had meant to think of a way to try and re-explain himself and apologize. Instead he ended up reliving their row, her words cutting deeper and deeper into his hearts, leaving him feeling numb.

"Oh.” She was silent for a moment and he could feel her watching him. “So...where are we? That parade was amazing! I've never seen anything like it!"

"I knew you would enjoy it." A sad smile ghosted across his face.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm? Oh...you asked something else. Sorry, I--" He stopped himself, burying his hurt and regret as deep as he could, replacing walls around his hearts as quick as lightning. He jumped up, forcing a smile but still unable to look at her. "Right! We are on the plant Muiloozab, means 'Yuletide' in their ancient native tongue. Basically, Rose Tyler, we have landed on a planet that celebrates Christmas year round. Everything is Christmas themed, as I'm sure you've already noticed, and the natives are full of a constant supply of joy. It's kind of uncanny really, when you think about it. Being that happy all the time. Suppose you have to, if you're going to dress like an elf year round."

"Why would the TARDIS take us here?"

He turned to her, the answer fading on his lips. He couldn’t tell her why. Not now. Maybe not ever. He ignored her question and tried to ignore the the frustrated look she gave him as he switched topic. "Night will be here soon. Suppose we should find a place to stay, since the TARDIS won't let us in."

He walked towards the town, no longer certain that she would follow wherever he went. But too much of a coward to turn and find out.

.....

The first place they tried had told them there were no rooms available. They received the same response from the second. At the third, the Doctor had had enough.

"Fine. But could you tell us _where_ we can find an available room?” He should have just asked at the first lodging, but it felt good to walk, to feel like he was escaping even though the person he wanted to escape from was tagging along behind him. Rose had followed wordlessly the whole time, drinking in their new surroundings and ignoring the tension between them just as much as he was.

“Of course!” The clerk, in full elven get up, beamed at him over the counter. “I can even reserve one from here if you wish.”

“Lovely, just get on with it.” The Doctor drummed his fingers on the glossy wooden surface, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. He was failing dramatically.

“I’ll need some identification please sir.”

Digging in his coat pocket, he pulled out the psychic paper and passed it to the man behind the desk. Rose stood off to the side, watching the other patrons come and go through the lobby, her elbows resting on the counter as she leaned against it.

“Oh! Mr. Tyler, why didn’t you say you had a reservation already?”

“I...I’m sorry. What?” His cheeks were burning and he saw Rose’s head snap around to look at him, an eyebrow slightly raised. Mr. Tyler? He bit his tongue to refrain from yelling at the man. He would wait for an explanation before unloading his awkward frustrations on the unfortunate bloke.

“Says so right here in our system. And what luck, the room is located in this very building. Reservation for two. A Mr. and Mrs. Tyler. I only wish I could offer you an upgrade. The room you’re in is one of the older models. We are working on updating as we speak. But I’m sure the two of you won’t mind getting cozy.” The man winked at the Doctor then resumed typing.

The Doctor gripped the counter, resisting the urge to throttle the man on the other side. He knew very well that he had made no such reservations and that he was _not_ insisting the psychic paper refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Tyler. As a matter of fact, he had been extremely careful to avoid any such connection between the two of them when he had handed it over. The bloody TARDIS had really outdone herself this time. He prayed that this room came with at least two beds, even if they were small and uncomfortable.

“Just...give me the key.”

“Of course!” The clerk continued to beam as he held his hand out.

The Doctor snatched the key and psychic paper back from the man then turned on his heel. He heard Rose mutter a thank you before running to catch up to him. He slammed the button for the elevator and stood waiting, still not willing to look at her. He could feel her eyes on him, gauging his reaction. Anger swept through his veins, anger at himself and at his meddling time ship. Everything grated on his nerves. The bright lights, the cheerful employees, the unavoidable Christmas decorations, the holiday music playing in the background...and Rose’s lack of reaction. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to push back the darkness and the fury swirling around him.

The elevator arrived with a cheerful announcement, the soft jingling of bells. Groaning, he stepped inside and pressed the button for their floor with restrained rage. They rode the lift in stony silence. Her calm exterior slowly driving him spare. He almost wished she would slap him again.

Another jingle of bells declared their arrival at the correct floor. He stormed past her, not caring that he was being extremely rude. He located their room and inserted their key. He held his breath as he pushed the door open, hoping that the TARDIS had not done what he had been dreading from the moment the clerk had addressed him as ‘Mr. Tyler’.

Warily, they both stepped into the room. Neither spoke as they took in their surroundings. The room was small and decorated in white with highlights of silver and muted blues, giving the impression that one was in a winter palace. A very small winter palace. More like a winter igloo. What he assumed would be a just as cramped en suite was located just to their right. A single sofa, that would be barely able to fit two people, sat against the wall to their left, a glass coffee table placed just in front of it. But what drew his attention most, was the single double bed located at the back of the room. There was no possible way they would both be able to sleep on there without touching. They would probably have to lay half on top of one another to even fit.

The Doctor groaned in frustration. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Rose doubled over in laughter.


	19. That's Not So Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

The Doctor crossed his arms and stared at Rose in disbelief. She was bent over, clutching her sides as wave upon wave of laughter washed over her.

"I fail to see just what is so amusing here, Miss Tyler." He tried his best to sound irritated, but her carefree laughter was brightening his mood bit by bit.

Rose straightened up, wiping tears from her eyes and gasping for air. "Sorry. Just...this whole thing. The TARDIS is just as bad as my mum." She coughed, trying to prevent a fresh fit of giggles.

"Oi! She is not!"

"Oh, she so is. " She paused, attempting to look at him with sultry eyes. "Mr. Tyler." The effect was negated by the twitching of her lips as she tried to resist another outburst. She waggled her eyebrows then convulsed with fresh laughter.

He couldn’t help it. She was right, the whole situation was ridiculous. A slow smile spread over his face as he watched her grin and wobble from laughing so hard. She leaned and bumped his shoulder, the slight touch sparking a reaction. He broke down and laughed right along with her. It was a release, the tension and the heartache melting away with each peal of laughter.

As the laughter died down, both of them gasping for air, they looked into each other’s eyes. His arm was loosely around her shoulders and she was clutching his suit jacket in an effort to remain upright. She seemed so happy and carefree. The light was back in her eyes and her smile was positively radiant. He made a split decision, leaping without looking.

“Oh, Rose. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what you thought I did." He spoke softly and reached up with his hand to cup her face.

"I don't understand." Rose released his jacket to straighten up but leaned into his touch. The Doctor's other arm fell to rest at his side.

"I’ve never thought of you as...as inferior. To me or anyone else." He brushed his thumb across her cheek and a small smile tugged at his lips. "Quite the opposite, actually.”

"Oh?" She looked at him carefully, waiting to hear more before speaking further.

"I know I always bring up my superior biology, because that's what it is, but that doesn't automatically make me superior." He cupped her face with both hands, looking at her as if she were the most precious object in the universe. "You are so much better than me, so much more, in so many ways. I wasn't trying to make you feel...less than you are. Because _you_ are inferior to no one."

"Yeah?" She worried her bottom lip.

"Definitely." He smiled broadly, trying to erase the doubt he saw lingering in her eyes.

"Then what's the problem with me not being a telepath," she asked quietly.

He sighed and dropped his hands from her face. "It's not that it's a problem...it's just..." He scrubbed his hands down his face. "Can I try and explain this, again? Only this time I'll try to be more...coherent."

"Ok." Rose turned and walked to the small couch. Squeezing her legs between the sofa and the coffee table she sank down onto the cushions. Turning to the side, she kept one foot on the floor and folded the other on the couch, tucking her ankle under the opposite knee. Grinning up at him, she patted the small space beside her.

The Doctor eyed the tiny spot warily but was somehow able to fit his tall frame next to her. He mirrored her position, their shins pressed together. He reclined back with one arm resting on the arm rest and the other draped across the back of the sofa. Rose leaned her shoulder against the back of the couch, her hands resting in her lap. She watched him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

This was it, a chance for a fresh start. His hearts beat rapidly in his chest. After everything came out she could very well decide to leave for good. His chest constricted, the thought of her never returning causing a sharp physical pain. He might get lucky, if the universe decided to smile upon him for just this once. She might decide to stay. This was Rose Tyler after all. She walked her own path. No one, not even time or the universe, told her what to do. Or if they did, that didn't mean she was going to listen. He took a deep breath.

"Rose, you not being a telepath isn't necessarily a bad thing. Although, you must have at least a low affinity for it, since you can communicate with the TARDIS fairly well. Anyway...Me, being a telepath, gives another, er, tool. No, that sounds terrible. Um, another...actually we'll come back to that."

"You're not making any sense." Rose had a light smile on her face. Her words a bittersweet reassurance that she was there, that she was trying. She had watched him change faces in a flash of golden light and was able to somehow make sense of it all. She would muddle through his poorly crafted explanations.

"Ok," he shifted slightly in his seat and began talking animatedly with his hands. "So basically it's like this, well not precisely, but for the moment let's just stick with basics shall we?"

Rose rolled her eyes.

" _Anyway_ , in a very, very basic sense there are two types of bonds, telepathic bonds that is, that I can form with someone. One is a permanent bond, where I wouldn't actually have to be in physical contact with the person for it to work. The strength of that bond depends on several factors, one factor being the telepathic ability of..." He trailed off, giving Rose a soft look. He cleared his throat and looked away. "That's...that's not important. You don't need to know anything else about that one. Unless you wanted to of course. But later. Not now. Now is...um..."

"Doctor." Rose placed a gentle hand on his arm. "The point?"

"Oh." He met her gaze uncertainly. She was watching him with amusement, but there was a steady undercurrent of tenderness that had him hoping that maybe, one day, she would want to know more about what he was so poorly trying to explain. That particular bond, that could wait. "Right. Um, where was I? Yes! The other bond...you remember that I'm a touch telepath, yes?"

"Yes." She squeezed his arm before releasing it and placing her hand back in her lap. "You have to be touching a person for you to do your...Vulcan mind meld or whatever."

"Rose, I'm not a Vulcan. And it's not a mind meld." He looked away for a moment, mentally comparing the two. "Wellll, not really. Suppose it's sort of the same thing."

"Ok...but what does it all mean?" She pointed to her chest, growing slightly impatient. "To me, I mean."

"It's why I...why I kept stopping, kept pulling away when we...well, the last two times anyway." He shrugged and looked away.

"So this has nothing to do with my breasts?"

"What?" The Doctor's head snapped back around. Where in Gallifrey did that come from?

"Just..." Rose scrunched her face and her cheeks were a faint shade of pink. "The past two times, you freaked out right after you started touching them. Thought maybe...they weirded you out or something. I don't know."

"Rose. I can emphatically assure you that your breasts do _not_ weird me out, as you so eloquently put it." He gave her a teasing smile and tried not to laugh, the implication was so preposterous. 

"Oi, don't laugh." She smacked his knee playfully. "How was I supposed to know? You kept running away without just telling me what was wrong."

"I know." He pulled a face and tugged on his ear. "And I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you...but I didn't know how. And it kind of took me by surprise to be honest. So it wasn't something I had been prepared to talk about."

"Speaking of..." She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Are you ever going to actually explain what the problem was? Or am I supposed to try and piece your poor excuse for conversational skills together and figure it out on my own."

"Oh, alright." He ran a hand through his hair, pausing to rub the back of his neck before dropping the hand to his thigh with a loud smack. "Blimey, this is a bit embarrassing, but...here it goes. You know how when you, er, get aroused, you get certain...urges? Certain wants? Wants that are so strong it feels more like a need?"

"Like the _need_ I get for you to shag me against a wall...or any surface really. I'm not picky." She gave him a tongue touched grin, making his hearts stutter. "Does that count?"

"Um..." His jaw dropped and he could only stare at her after such a blatant statement. His mind began to sort through his list of places to shag Rose Tyler, making sure he had included a wall. Mentally he shook himself. Explaining the rest would be a lot harder if he was too focused on christening every available surface in this tiny room. He swallowed thickly. "Yes, that-that counts. Well, as a touch telepath, although it can work much the same way even if one is a different sort of telepath, but we're talking about me here, so..." He noticed the confused look on her face and tried to reign in his rambling. "You know what? Doesn't matter. Let me start over. Being a telepath can add another layer of...of intimacy during, well anything, but more specifically during, er, sex."

"We weren't having sex. Not that I was aware of anyway."

"Alright, sexual activities, if you will. Better?" He waited until she nodded (after sticking out her tongue) before continuing. "It allows you to...to feel what the other person is feeling. Not just physically, but the emotions as well. You feed off of each other, every sensation is heightened. It makes the connection during...during the act much, much stronger.”

“But we weren’t connected, like that...right?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But that was the problem.”

“What? You can’t do it without the mental connection?” Rose tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, a thin layer of disappointment in her voice.

“No. Well, yes...that is, I can. Or could...if I knew I could control it.”

“Control it?"

“Yes.”

“The bonding?”

“Yes.”

“Can you explain yourself with more than just ‘yes’?" She threw her hands up in the air. Taking a deep breath, she slowly lowered them to her lap. "I’m trying to be understanding and not freak out on you. But if you don’t clarify some things…”

The Doctor took a deep breath of his own. He was being a bit too vague, letting his nerves get the better of him. She had stuck through the conversation this long...

“I can have sex without the telepathic link." He fixed her with a heated stare, wanting his words to sink in properly. "The problem, Rose Tyler, is that with you I find myself lacking in my ability to control my impulse to share that connection with you. Those last two times I broke away was because my mind was trying to reach out to yours, not for a permanent bond mind you. I could never do that to you without asking. But I wasn’t sure I could stop even the temporary one from happening, I was getting too caught up in everything else. And I wanted to talk to you about it, I really did. It’s just...I remember how angry you were when you first found out about the TARDIS being in your mind. I didn’t want you to...to change your mind about us because it made you uncomfortable. And I didn’t want you to feel bad because it’s something you’re unwilling to give. I...I thought I had a better handle on it. And when I realized I didn’t...I tried to tell you, but I obviously didn’t do a very good job explaining myself. Not sure I’m doing a good job now, to be honest.” He finished in a rush, the words tumbling from his lips. 

It felt good to get it out, like a weight had been lifted. But now that it was out in the open, what came next was up to Rose. She held his hearts in her hands and probably didn't even know it. One hand gripped the back of the couch while his fingers on the other hand drummed nervously on his knee.

“You should have just told me." Rose leaned forward and placed a hand over his, stilling his movements. "I know I got mad about the TARDIS, but..I was already taking in so much at once, and then to find out that this ship, that is bigger on the inside and can travel anywhere in time and space, can also get inside my mind...was a bit much at the time. I’d like to think I’ve grown a lot since then.”

“You have, Rose." He brought his free hand gently to her face. "And you took it all in stride, even then. I was just afraid. It took us so long to get to the point where we weren’t avoiding...how we felt. I thought it would be too much. I didn’t want to push you away, not so soon after..." He dropped his hand back to the top of the couch and looked over at the coffee table. "But I ended up doing it anyway.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? What for?” He looked back at her in confusion.

“For the...the slaps.” Rose bit her lip and looked slightly ashamed.

“Oh. It’s--”

“And...and the other thing." She looked down at their hands, her fingers tracing lightly over his knuckles. Meeting his gaze, she spoke softly, "I didn’t mean to bring that up again. I know that’s not what, what I thought it was at first.”

“It was only ever you, Rose.” He turned his hand palm up so that he could lace their fingers together. His breath caught in his throat and his pulse was racing. This was the closest he had come to telling her just how much he cared for her. Just how deep his feelings went. He wasn't sure which would be more likely to scare her away, the intensity of his feelings or talk of the telepathic bond.

Rose smiled and regarded him carefully for a moment. She chewed on the tip of her thumb, seemingly trying to decide something. “So...for this...this temporary bond. Is it something telepaths _always_ do when they…?” Pulling her hand away from her face, she made a confusing gesture in the air. She was lucky he caught on to her meaning.

“Depends on the telepath." The Doctor shrugged his shoulders. "For some yes, no matter who their partner is. Others are more...selective.”

“And you?” Her eyes were hopeful, the answer to her question clearly holding huge meaning for her.

“I’m the latter. While I’ve had other partners in the past, not in this body...or the one before either, I’ve not actually used my telepathy during those encounters. The enhanced physical feelings are one end of it, but for me it’s the emotional connection with someone that..." He trailed off and swallowed hard. Now that he had started truly opening up to her about it, he was having a hard time stopping. He had almost slipped up again, coming close hinting at a word he still wasn't comfortable admitting to himself. "Anyway...does that answer the question?"

“Can it even work if the other person isn’t a telepath?”

“It can, there’s just no sure way to see how well, as in how strong the mental connection would be, without actually trying it. Or the non-telepathic party might be too overwhelmed. I mean, you can try to connect with the person and remove the...the sexual element. A practice session of sorts. Sometimes that doesn’t work so well. The other person might be more resistant, whether they mean to be or not, when they aren’t...relaxed.” He tried not to think of a _relaxed_ Rose Tyler. He tried to forget her moans and breathy sighs. His hand twitched in hers, remembering the way her hot flesh had burned into his skin, igniting flames of desire.

“Do you think it would work with me?”

Sex? Why yes, I do believe that sex would work very well for you. I can see you being all kinds of _relaxed_. He shook his head, trying to get his mind back on track.

“Rose, I’m not--”

“Just. Answer the question. Please.”

“I think it would. Like I said, you seem to be able to communicate with the TARDIS fairly well. So there’s that..." He shook his head. "But I'm not asking you to do that for me."

"I know. And you probably never would." Rose smiled at him softly and squeezed his hand.

"I don't want you to do something that makes you uncomfortable."

"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, if you asked and explained it all, that I might actually _want_ to try it?"

He blinked. "Well...no. Actually."

"You're so daft." She rolled her eyes then let out a yawn.

"Wait...does that mean?" He tried not to sound too hopeful. It was a possibility he had very much _not_ considered. But if she was willing...even just to try it. That would mean everything to him.

"It means..." She grinned wickedly then pulled herself forward, practically crawling into his lap. Arms bracing her weight on his shoulders, she purred into his ear, "Mr. Tyler, that it is time to put me to bed."

Anticipation coiled in his abdomen. He gulped as she pulled back to look at him. "Rose...?"

"Doctor." She placed a quick kiss to his lips then moved off his lap to stand, leaving him lost and confused. "I told you I wanted to know all about you, good and bad and in between. I meant it. And if it's something you want, something that is important to you, I'm willing to at least give it a go. But not tonight. Tonight I just want to sleep. I want you to be sure about what you want. I can't keep up with your yes-no attitude. So let's just...rest, yeah?"

He felt as if his hearts were soaring. She had forgiven him and was even willing to try a mental link with him. Whether that meant during sex or not, he didn't care. She wanted to try. And of course he had forgiven her. How could he not? He knew what he wanted, felt it in the depths of his soul. But he would do what she asked and think about it. Maybe he would feel different in the morning. 

He doubted it.

"Agreed. Rest it is." He stood up, towering over her with a wide grin. "Best get you to bed before it gets much later, Mrs. Tyler."

He scooped her up in his arms, chuckling as she squirmed and giggled in surprise. Pressing a tender (and grateful, always grateful) kiss to her lips, his hearts warming with happiness, he carried her to bed.


	20. Sleigh Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. Now that the Christmas craziness is over, I should be able to post at least every other day. Gonna try for every day, but no promises.

The next morning, Rose awoke to find a pair of dark brown orbs looking down at her. The Doctor's hair was more out of sorts than usual and his face was scrunched up due to the angle he had to tilt his head in order to look at her. He smiled slow and easy, setting a flurry of butterflies swirling in her stomach. It was the most wonderful sight to wake up to.

"Morning." His voice was soft and adorably scratchy, like he had woken up only a few moments before she had. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face then planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

"Morning." She smiled back and tilted her head up so she could press her lips to his chin. She buried her face in his chest and stretched against him. 

She was lying half on top of him with their arms around each other and their legs tangled together. Since they hadn't anticipated an over night stay, they had decided to save their clothes and sleep in nothing but their under wear. The feel of his skin against hers had her biting her lip to keep from groaning and pressing her hips into his side. She wondered if his 'superior biology' allowed him to sense whenever she became aroused, which would be an embarrassing number of times around him. An almost constant, to be honest. If he did, she was thankful he had never brought it up. Maybe she would ask...if things did end up moving forward this time.

"So," Rose began as she shifted and placed an arm under her chin for a better view of his face, "Do you think the TARDIS will let us back in now? Have we worked out our 'issues' to her satisfaction you think?"

"Don't know." He shrugged his shoulders. "We can check if you want. But I'm in no rush to get back. I had wanted to bring you here anyway. Before..." He trailed off and idly trailed his fingers up and down her back.

She saw the regret lingering around the edges of his carefully crafted neutral expression. As mad as she had been yesterday, she wasn't angry anymore. They had both been at fault, and it was nothing they needed to dwell on. She understood, to an extent, why he had panicked. She just wished he would open up to her more. She knew he was trying, and that it was hard for him, but she had meant it when she had told him that she was going to stay with him forever. No matter what. He doubted himself too much, carried too much weight on his shoulders. He didn't deserve to be so down on himself all the time.

"You wanted to bring me here?" She ignored his last statement, knowing he would be thankful for the subtle topic shift instead of taking it as her brushing him off.

"Yeah. It was going to be a surprise before we went to your mother's. Well, I guess it still ended up being a surprise. Not that it ended up being a surprise the way I wanted it to be. Still," he sniffed, "Guess it all turned out alright." He beamed at her.

"I'd say it turned out a little better than alright." She grinned back, tongue peeking out between white teeth.

His eyes darkened as they zeroed in on her tongue. Without warning, he rolled them over and pinned her body to the bed with his own. Her heart skipped several beats and the slight spark of arousal she had felt earlier flared back to life. He bumped her nose with his own, his breath ghosting over her lips.

"It's that so?" He didn't give her a chance to answer, instead pressing his mouth to hers.

Rose hummed a barely coherent affirmative into his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Despite the hunger she had seen in his eyes right before he kissed her, she could sense him holding back. She could feel the tension in the muscles beneath her fingers, could feel the rigidity in how he held himself over her, touching but not pressing closer. And each swipe of his tongue was shallow, enough to taste and tease but not enough to be hungry and desperate for more. It was driving her spare.

Even though he was holding back, his actions were setting her on edge. Hormones and a tingling warmth spread through her body. She knew why he was holding back, of course she did. She had even told him herself to take it slow. But this was ridiculous.

Rose nipped at his bottom lip and lightly scratched her nails along his back. The change was instantaneous. She heard a low growl from his throat before he pressed his body firmly against hers and began kissing her breathless. Lips and tongues sliding over each other, eliciting low noises of want and need.

It wasn't until she felt his fingers skating up her rib cage that she remembered they were supposed to be taking things one step at a time. Not wanting him to freak out on her again, she gently pushed on his chest. He pulled back and looked at her in confusion.

"I need to use the loo." She smiled at him sheepishly. It wasn't a complete lie.

Groaning, he rolled his eyes and flopped off of her and onto his back.

"Oh, hush. You waited two years, I doubt a little longer is going to kill you." She sat up and looked down at him, eyes drinking in his bare chest.

"You never know. If you come back out and find me with a new face, just remember it was your fault. Regeneration from sexual frustration." He placed his hands behind his head and looked pointedly at the lower portion of his body.

"Stop being so dramatic." Rose rolled her eyes, trying to keep her gaze away from the evidence his body was showing of just how badly he wanted her. "It does nothing for my libido." She winked at him then bounced off the bed.

"Then again, I might die from shock. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Pretty sure you won't want to be thinking about my mother when I've got my mouth around a certain part of your supposedly impressive Time Lord anatomy." With a wicked grin, she closed the door to the en suite, leaving him looking deliciously rumpled and with his jaw hanging wide open.

.....

Walking hand in hand down the street, the Doctor rambled on about the planet and how it came to be centered around Christmas. Their leaders always happened to look like Santa and after several centuries of arguing with other races, they gave in and used it to their commercial advantage. He knew Rose was only half listening, but he didn't mind. If he stopped she would only badger him until he continued speaking again.

"Rose?" He asked, halting his current ramble mid sentence.

"Mmm?" Wrenching her eyes away from a reindeer prancing down the street, she turned to face him.

"If you only partially listen to what I say, why do you always insist I keep talking?"

"Um..." A slight flush crept over her cheeks and she bit the tip of her thumb. "You can't laugh."

"Don't be ridiculous. Why would I laugh?" He furrowed his brow. Had he been cracking some form of human joke and hadn't known it? He was fairly certain his knowledge of humans and their sense of humor was up to date.

"Just...promise." She looked at him earnestly.

"Fine. I promise." He tilted his head. "Well, I promise to try very hard not to. Although, I really don't know what could possibly so funny about me trying to share with you my quite frankly magnificent and vast knowledge of the universe. There are people out there who would pay to listen to even a tiny fraction of what I've told you over the past--"

"Doctor."

"Right. Sorry. I promise to try not to laugh."

"Forget it." She shook her head.

"Rose! I can't guarantee something like that. Honestly, I'm being more honest with you, ha, honestly honest...the point is, I'm being more truthful by promising to try because that is something I know I can do."

"Oh my god, fine!" She took a deep breath. "It's not that I'm not listening to what you're saying exactly, because I do. But sometimes it's like you're speaking a language the TARDIS won't translate."

"That doesn't--"

"I know. Let me finish. I ask you to keep talking, even if I don't get what you're saying, because...I like the sound of your voice." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's nice...sort of relaxing, I guess."

He could only stare at her. He was so touched, and he didn't even fully understand why. She allowed him to ramble on, not to stroke his ego, but because she enjoyed it. He loved to share his knowledge with her, not to rub it in, but because the talking helped calm his nervous energy and because he thought of her as his equal. They seemed to just fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Once again, he found himself wondering why he had waited so long to cross that stupid line.

"What?" Rose asked him cautiously.

"Why would I laugh at that?"

"I dunno. Sounds silly out loud."

"It is most definitely not silly." He tugged on her hand, pulling her closer. He dipped his head and kissed her, just because he could, then he grinned widely. "Now, Rose Tyler, how would you like to go for a sleigh ride?"

.....

The sleigh they were in was made out of a dark polished wood. Golden swirls and accents were painted all along the exterior. The seating and the rest of the interior was covered in a plush red velvet. Four people could have fit comfortably on the deep bench seat, but they had the whole thing all to themselves. 

Which of course meant they were huddled together in the center of the cushion. The Doctor was leaning back and had his arm draped over Rose's shoulder. She was pressed close to his side with both hands gripping the one he had dangling over her shoulder. He was glad, for the time being, that her jumper was providing a firm barrier between his fingers and her chest that she was presently holding them against.

The sleigh was drawn by two large, majestic reindeer. Their coats were soft to the touch and their antlers towered overhead. Their harnesses were the same color red as the sleigh interior and came complete with golden bells that jingled with every step. No driver was required. The Doctor explained to Rose that the reindeer on this planet were a good deal larger and a great deal more intelligent than the similar species from Earth.

She was completely entranced. Her eyes stayed wide and they bounced quickly from scene to scene, trying to take in everything all at once. The reindeer pulled them through the town past various shops and extravagantly decorated homes. There were toy shops, candy stores, bakeries, Christmas themed shops, and just about anything else you could imagine. The Doctor rambled on about whatever had caught Rose's attention and pointed things out he thought she would enjoy. Mostly, he just watched her, reeling her back to his side when her excitement had her leaning too far away.

At one end of the town stood a large dome structure. The exterior was painted and constructed to give it the appearance of a natural landmark. The snow covering the outside helped it blend in with the rest of the landscape.

"What's that?" Rose pointed at the structure as the reindeer pulled the sleigh directly towards it.

"You'll see." The Doctor grinned down at her, delight dancing in his eyes.

She narrowed her eyes then her face broke into a slow innocent smile.

"Oh, don't-don't do that." He shook his head in short jerky movements.

"Do what?" She leaned closer and smiled wider. "Doctor?"

The way she wrapped her tongue around his name, her voice low and drawing out each syllable, had his body instantly buzzing with desire. Before their relationship had changed, he would have given in to anything she asked in such a manner. He had done so more times than he cared to count. He always gave in to prevent her from taunting him, prevent himself from responding to her the way his body had always screamed at him to do. But now...now he wanted to give in to both, to her request and his need to snog the breathe out of her.

He shook his head, slowly. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" She batted her lashes innocently.

"That. With your...and your..." He made vague gestures to her face, specifically eyes and mouth. "If you keep doing it, I'll be forced to look away. Might even have to jump out of the sleigh. We're almost there anyway."

Rose glanced ahead. "Oh, alright." She twisted in her seat, her body facing forward but still leaning against his side. Her eyes traveled the domes edges. "It's huge. All of London could fit inside there."

"No it couldn't. It's not _that_ big." The Doctor's correction sounded more rude than he intended. He hoped that she wouldn't have the motivation to untangle their hands to slap him.

"I know." She poked his side with her elbow. "Was just exaggerating. Using one of those...what are they called?"

"Hyperboles."

"Yes!" She bounced in her seat then leaned back to take in the vast building. "Still, it is pretty large."

"You should see what they do to their moon in another two hundred years. This is only the size of a small theme park, or a zoo. I love zoos. Well, not really...not they way you know them at any rate. You lot are awful when it comes to zoos. But anyway, this, this here is small in comparison. Just imagine it, Rose. A whole moon, even if it is small by moon standards, a whole moon covered in--" He snapped his mouth shut.

"Covered in what?"

"Fingers on lips, Rose." He placed a finger over his mouth and winked at her. Her smile and burst of giggles had his hearts soaring. He couldn't wait for her reaction to what was inside the dome.

The sleigh approached the wall of the structure and came to a stop. Rose sat up straighter as a set of wide metal doors hissed open, revealing a short tunnel with another set of doors at the end. The reindeer marched forward until the sleigh was almost to the other set of doors. The entrance hissed shut, casting the tunnel in total darkness.

"Doctor?" Rose pressed closer and gripped his hand tighter.

"Just wait." He squeezed her hands in reassurance.

The doors in front of them hissed as they slid open to let the sleigh pass through. It was hard to see anything but a vague glimpse of multicolored lights past the large reindeer. But the Doctor didn't care about that. He knew what was beyond. He'd never seen it firsthand, but it would be better to watch it through Rose's eyes.

As they exited the tunnel, Rose's eyes widened and a gasp escaped her lips before her jaw remained open. The tunnel opened up to the wide interior of the dome. Despite it being exceptionally bright outside, the dome simulated night. A light snow fell from the unseen ceiling above, coating the ground in a blanket of white. Trees, some bare and some still sporting full green branches, lined the snow covered path that twisted and winded into the distance.

The Doctor watched Rose's face continue to light up in awe as she registered the purpose of the domed darkness. Lights of every color twisted around the trees, twinkling in the branches. Spaced out among the trees, sticking out of the snow, were lights arranged to make winter and Christmas themed figures.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

He couldn't answer. He knew what she was talking about, and while the spectacular light arrangements were beautiful (and some of the best Christmas light viewing in the universe), they were nothing compared to the beauty of Rose Tyler.


	21. The Snowball Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

The sleigh ride lasted an hour. One hour of trying to keep his hands and his lips off of Rose. One hour entirely too long. For the most part the Doctor succeeded. Well, sort of. A bit. He restricted himself to interspersed kisses on her temple, one every five minutes. Or so. One of his hands was still captured by both of hers and pressed close to her chest. The fingers on his free hand tapped out an ever changing rhythm on the empty velvet seat beside him.

About three quarters of the way through, Rose detangled one if her hands from his and placed it on his knee, trying to calm his fidgeting movements. That had worked...for a time. Until her hand began to creep higher up his thigh, moving a fraction of an inch before lying still. And then repeating. At first he thought he was imagining it, he never actually _saw_ her hand move. He was trying to focus on anything but the heat from her finger tips burning through the fabric of his trousers. His free hand gripped the edge of the bench, his knuckles almost as white as the falling snow.

Her hand rested halfway up his thigh, her fingers flexing and unflexing. Each scratch of her nails against the cloth scratched away his resolve bit by bit. His hearts stuttered and blood pounded in his ears. He began rambling, explaining any and everything that even slightly assisted in maintaining the dome’s interior atmosphere. The lights and how they were far superior to any from 21st century earth, how the trees were cared for, the snow and why it never accumulated more than 15 centimeters despite the constant gentle flurry.

He wasn’t certain, but he thought he saw the corners of her mouth turning up into a small smile. The simmering desire he had felt earlier was beginning to boil over and rush through his veins. Rose’s hand skated higher. Releasing the bench, his hand shot out to ensnare her wrist. She stiffened before relaxing, her eyes still watching the lights sparkling around them. That was most definitely a smile on her face. A smug smile at that. Well, that wouldn’t do.

The Doctor shifted slightly in his seat then leaned into her and twined his fingers with hers, leaving the newly joined hands resting on his leg. Brushing golden hair away from her neck with his nose, he exhaled over her exposed flesh. She gripped his hands tightly as a shiver ran through her body. His lips ghosted over the smooth column of her neck then he pulled back, reclining against the seat as if nothing had happened.

Just as her fingers became slack in his, he moved forward again. This time he alternated between soft, feather light kisses and gentle grazes of his teeth over her skin. Rose's breath hitched in her throat and she angled her neck, giving him better access. The Doctor smirked between more teasing nips and kisses. He could hear her shallow breathing. With his hand still held against her jumper, he could feel her heart thundering rapidly in her chest. After nipping lightly on her earlobe, he pulled back again.

He was pleased to note that the smug grin had vanished from her face. However, his actions had provided some unexpected consequences. Well, they really shouldn't have been unexpected. After all, he was kissing Rose. Even if it wasn't a proper snog, the slight taste of her on his lips was sending him further and further down the path he had been trying to refrain from since the sleigh ride had started. Longer than that if he was being honest with himself, which was rare when it came to his feelings for Rose (physical and otherwise).

Rose exhaled a shaky breath and continued looking at the lights.

Part of him became obsessed with cataloging every detail of where her body came into contact with his. How much heat was being exchanged, how much pressure was placed and by whom, how many layers were between them. 

Another part of him was still trying to figure out why his body reacted so strongly to her in the first place. He was a Time Lord, not some bloody human male who couldn't control his urges even if his life depended on it. Maybe it was this new body, which really wasn't all that new anymore. He didn't remember having nearly as much trouble in his previous form. The attraction had been there, no denying that. He would have to be a fool to not find Rose Tyler attractive. Were there people out there that _actually_ thought that? What rubbish.

He shook his head, trying to clear his chaotic thoughts, Rose being at the center of them all. She leaned her head on his shoulder and began rubbing small, soothing circles on his skin with her thumbs. Those small tiny motions pushed him over the edge, the tenderness in her actions filling his hearts to bursting.

Nudging her head gently with his own, he finally managed to convince her to tear her eyes away from the glittering lights and look at him instead. Her eyes shone just as brightly, love and lust and the anticipation of things still to come swirling in their depths. He barely gave her time to register his similar expression before he claimed her lips.

She sighed against his mouth, their lips sliding smoothly over each other. The position wasn't ideal, linked hands made it impossible to get closer without becoming twisted and tangled (and not in the fun way). Despite the increasing passion of their kiss, neither made a move to disentangle their fingers. The Doctor brought the arm around her shoulders up, tracing the line of her jaw with his thumb while continuing to anchor himself to her, tightening his other fingers around hers.

They got lost in the kiss, lost in the feel of lips and tongues working together, directly conveying the feelings that words could not yet say. His hearts beat out a steady, if slightly quickened, rhythm in his chest. A slow tingling warmth started at the base of his spine and spread outward, engulfing every last nerve in tantalizing pleasure.

The hiss of opening doors caused them to spring apart, still not used to the new state of their relationship. They had spent so much time hiding their feeling from each other, they weren't ready to share the progress with the rest of the world. Not so openly anyway.

The only company they had were the the reindeer, pulling the sleigh through a tunnel, similar to the one they had entered, and paying the enamored couple no mind. The Doctor and Rose looked at each other, then at the small space between them.

As the last set of doors hissed open and the sleigh emerged into the bright sunlight, they burst into giggles. They fell against each other, both laughing at how silly it was for them to act like a couple of sneaky teenagers afraid to get caught by their parents.

The Doctor calmed down first. He watched Rose fondly as she continued to laugh, her head slipping from his shoulder and falling to his lap as he sat up. Before he could lose himself in thoughts of what else should could be doing with her soft lips in that region, he guided her back into a sitting position. 

Grabbing her hand, he leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"Run."

She blinked then broke into a grin. The Doctor hopped off the still moving sleigh into the snow, dragging Rose along with him.

.....

Rose followed the Doctor, keeping up with relative ease as he hurtled through the snow. They weren’t running from anything, and as far as she could tell, they weren’t running towards anything either. But the cold wind whipping her face and the burn in her legs from the strenuous sprinting though the snow made her feel free. After the ups and downs from the past few days it was nice to run, destination in mind or not, and let the breeze carry her thoughts and her doubts away.

Laughter bubbled up her throat and burst over her lips, her chest feeling light. If it weren’t for the Doctor’s hand anchoring her down, she felt like she would float away on a cloud of happiness. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, a broad smile on his face, before he joined in her laughter.

“Where are we going?” Rose yelled at him over the sound of crunching snow.

“Don’t know.”

“Want to check on the TARDIS?”

His feet faltered in the snow and his grip on her hand loosened. He glanced at her as she was now able to run next to him, side by side with his slower pace. A dark expression flitted over his handsome face. It was gone before Rose had a chance to place it. He nodded curtly and resumed his previous flat out run. There was a noticeable absence of laughter and smiles.

Rose felt her chest constrict, and it wasn’t from the exertion. She tried to puzzle out what had changed his demeanor so quickly. Scanning the area around them, she found nothing that would be a threat to them, nothing that would cause him to become so serious. Was it something she said?

Oh. _Oh_.

He was so daft sometimes. She shook her head, smiling and knowing just how to make it better.

They reached the TARDIS a few minutes later. She paused a few steps away to catch her breath. The Doctor stroked the blue wood fondly, body angled so that Rose couldn’t see his face. She could tell by the nonexistent rise and fall of his shoulders that he wasn’t sucking in air the way she was. Him and his ruddy respiratory bypass.

“Well, go on then.” He turned to face her and jerked his head to the time ship behind him. His hands were thrust deep into his trouser pockets and he wasn’t even pretending to smile.

She stepped forward, eyes focused on the Doctor. His brow furrowed slightly as she approached him. She placed a hand on his chest, gently at first, watching his reaction. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched, otherwise he remained motionless. The movement of his chest as he breathed was barely noticeable under her palm. Giving him a wicked smile, she pushed.

He stumbled backwards and bumped into the time ship. There was a slight rustling sound as his coat rubbed against the wood of the TARDIS while he tried to steady himself. Rose didn’t give him time to do much more than blink in confusion before she pounced on him. Her hands tangled in his hair, using the grip to angle his head down to hers. She pressed her body against him, pinning him to the door of the ship. She ran her fingers wildly through his hair and stretched on tip toes to bump her hips to his.

He remained motionless and caught off guard until she pushed her tongue into his mouth. A needy sound came from the back of his throat and she felt his fingers dig into her waist, pulling her closer. Rose groaned as his tongue delved into her mouth. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and removing any excess space between them. 

She didn't think she would ever get over kissing him. It was so much more than she had ever imagined. She was aware of nothing but the taste and feel of him. Her body hummed with excitement and anticipation, always wanting and needing more. If she didn't stop now, she would end up shagging him against the TARDIS.

Rose broke the kiss, pressing her lips to his in a quick peck before burying her head into his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist beneath his coat. He held her tightly and placed his cheek on her head. She sighed contentedly, still not quite believing that she could do that whenever she wanted to.

“What was that for?” The Doctor’s voice was muffled by her hair, quiet and unsure.

“Because I can.” She pulled back to look him in the eyes. “And because, you daft alien, I didn’t ask about the TARDIS because I wanted to go home. I just wanted a change of clothes.”

“Oh.” The tips of his ears turned pink, but an unspoken question still lingered in his eyes.

“What?”

“I didn’t...I don’t--wait. Why are you asking me a question?”

“There’s something else bothering you, and don’t you dare give me that ‘I’m fine’ bull crap. I can see it in your eyes. So what is it?”

“I…I just thought that since, well...since we were..." He trailed off and let out a shaky breath. "Anyway, I just thought that you didn’t want me taking you to your mother’s. But--but if that’s what you want, I’ll still take you. Take as long as you need. Although, I do hope it’s not _too_ long...that kiss is sending mixed signals you know. You can’t just...what? Why are you laughing?”

Rose stifled her giggles, shaking her head. “No wonder you’re hopeless at this. I don’t think anyone else would be able to deal with you, honestly. You’re lucky I--” Her eyes widened and she felt her cheeks heat up.

“You what?” He searched her eyes.

“I...I don’t want to go to my mother’s.” That’s not what she had been about to say, and she could tell he knew. But she wasn’t about to blurt that out now. He would probably run off again. Or take her to her mother’s and then run off. Run off to the TARDIS and leave her at her mum’s flat for the rest of her life. No ta. “Home is the TARDIS, with you. I meant I’m not ready to leave _here_ , this planet. I’m having fun. Just would be nice to wear something different, instead of the same thing day after day. How do you do it? It’s driving me barmey.”

“Oi! I happen to think I look fantastic in this suit, thank you very much.” He puffed out his chest and gave her an arrogant smile.

“You do. Just think you’d look better with it off.” She gave him a teasing smile, tongue poking out between her teeth. Her stomach flipped as his eyes drifted to her mouth and he subconsciously licked his lips. Her body was still buzzing from their kiss just moments ago. He may have a better handle on his hormones and urges, but she did not. She needed a distraction.

She stepped out of his embrace, smiling as he held on for as long as possible, reluctant to let her go. Rose pulled the TARDIS key from beneath her jumper, where it hung on a silver chain around her neck. Stepping around him and up to the door, she put the key into the lock. She twisted and heard the faint tell take click of the lock releasing. That didn't mean much, as she found out yesterday. She pushed on the doors. They didn't budge.

"Guess she's not ready for us to leave yet. Wonder why?" Rose turned to look at the Doctor.

"Er...I don't know." He tugged on his ear and his cheeks were slightly flushed. "She's a temperamental thing, she is. Terribly picky. Still..." Patting the blue wood fondly, he looked away from Rose.

"Right." She regarded him carefully for a moment. There was something he wasn't sharing, something he knew that had him a bit flustered. She shrugged her shoulders. No point badgering him about it now. "Oh well, guess we'll have to find someway to entertain ourselves. Any idea how soon she'll let us come on board?"

"C-come what?" His head snapped around and he blinked at her furiously.

"On board. You know...back inside?" She stared at him quizzically as he ran a hand through his hair, pausing to scratch at the nape of his neck. She arched an eyebrow. "You alright?"

"What? Yes. Yes! Course! Why wouldn't I be? No, don't answer that."

Rose opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the loud rumble of her stomach. She placed a hand to her abdomen, fruitlessly trying to muffle the sound. She smiled nervously at the Doctor.

"Guess that muffin from early this morning didn't tide you over very long did it?" He arched an eyebrow at her, his eyes bright and teasing.

"That was _ages_ ago. It's bound to be well past lunch time now."

"Too true. Come on then, let's go find some delectable Christmas nibbles." He beamed at her and held out his arm.

Looping her arm through his, they set off towards the main part of town.

.....

Several hours later, the suns were lazily falling below the horizon, casting a glittering pink hue to the snow and everything it touched. The streets slowly emptied of people, visitors and natives alike retreating to the warmth of the indoors. Shops and restaurants remained open, their bright lights and comforting scents further enticing passerbys to come in and hide away from the night's chill.

The Doctor stepped closer to Rose, letting his chest brush against her back as he rubbed her upper arms with his hands. She stood near a shop window, momentarily distracted by the multitudes of stars twinkling in the darkening sky. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, a slight tremor jolting through her body from the cold air. 

He mentally kicked himself for insisting they stop by the hotel so he could drop off his jacket. At the time, it had been nice out. Well, nice for still being cold and wintry. They hadn't even noticed the cool air as they wandered from place to place. They sampled food at nearly every stop, filling their bellies with both new and familiar treats. And entirely too much sugar. 

He hadn't felt it fair to walk around with the extra layer when all Rose had was her jumper. Especially not when the cold affected his body considerably less than it did hers. He could have offered it to her. But he had decided against it, wanting to see the soft fabric of her shirt hug her curves while they were out and about. It had been a good idea, brilliant even, at the time. Now, even though they were nearly back to their hotel, he wished he had it to offer to her.

He looked over her head and into the sky. He wouldn't deny that the stars were calling to him, urging him to hurtle through space from one to the other until he had seen them all. But it wasn't urgent, wasn't desperate. They would wait. He had all the time in the universe to make his way from one bright light to the next.

There was one light that burned brighter than all the rest. One blazing beacon of hope and life and love that called out to him the most. Rose. Every cell in his body craved to be near her, needed to feel her light shining in close quarters, close enough to burn. He wasn't sure how long her blinding brilliance would last. Their mismatched life spans and constant flirting with danger life style left him completely at a loss as to how long they would get to stay together. It would never be long enough.

He would cherish every second he had with her. The rest of the stars could wait.

He squeezed her arms and placed a kiss atop her head. She leaned into him for a moment before twisting away and over to the shop window. He fought down the panic, the sudden loss of what to do without her in his arms. A tiny voice warned him of becoming too attached. He watched the soft light from the shop play across her beautiful features. A gruff Northern voice promptly told the smaller voice to shove off.

"What's this one here?" Rose pointed to a tiny object in the corner of the window. This particular shop was filled with wooden toys. He knew there would be some objects she recognized and a great deal more that she wouldn't. This must be the latter.

"Well..." He drew out the word and came to stand beside her. He bent down and peered into the window. Where she had been pointing was a simple wooden wolf and nothing more. He scrunched his face further, wondering if he would need his glasses to see what she had been asking about. Surely she knew a wolf when she saw one. He pushed away memories of a time when she had literally burned brighter than any star, all to save him. He slowly turned in the direction she had stepped away to, eyes still glued to the toy. "Rose--"

He yelped as something cold and damp connected with his face. His shook his head, flinging ice and snow in every direction. Dragging a hand down his face, he grimaced when several chunks landed on his t-shirt, moisture seeping through the thin fabric. He cursed himself for not having all his usual layers. A loud eruption of laughter hit his ears.

Rose was standing a few paces away, her arms holding her body as she shook with glee.

"I'll have you know, Rose Tyler," he paused and crouched down to the ground, "that this means war." He grinned at her, pleased to note her laughing had ceased.

"You wouldn't dare." Her eyes were large and round as she watched the movements of his hands in the snow.

"Oh, I would. Very much so." He rolled the cold mass in his hands, waggling his eyebrows. That was all the warning she received. 

He took aim and let the snow ball fly through the air. He shouted in triumph as the projectile hit his target. The ball burst into a flurry of flakes as it connected with Rose's shoulder. She squeaked and jumped at the sudden sting of cold.

"You are so on." She grinned widely before running down the street, ducking every so often to add to the new snow ball she was crafting as she went.

He really had no choice but to chase her.


	22. After the Snow Melts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE, HUGE, HUUUUUUGE thanks to my beta, almondina on this one. Please note the, er, rating change. XD

After romping around in the snow, the Doctor and Rose finally stumbled through the doors of their hotel. They had pelted each other with balls of white powder, the snow soaking through their clothes, until Rose had caught the Doctor off guard and tackled him to the ground. An innocent game had turned into a much less innocent snogging session in the white fluff blanketing the town. At some point he had rolled them over, continuing to kiss her and only stopping when he noticed she was shivering from the cold. That had brought an end to the heated snogging and their playful game of war, the stinging chill forcing them inside.

Walking through the lounge, they apologized to the staff between giggles for the water and slush dripping from their clothes onto the glistening marble floor. The girls behind the counter only smiled and waved them off.

The Doctor kept his arm around her as they rode the lift to their floor. She snuggled into his side, teeth chattering as the damp from her clothes seeped deeper into her bones. He kept her as close as possible while they walked to their room, leaving a trail of water in their wake.

"Wish there was a fireplace or something in here," Rose muttered as she stepped into the room to give the Doctor space to close the door.

He turned to look at her. Her clothes were even damper than before, the warmer air indoors thoroughly melting any remaining chunks of ice and snow. In a vain attempt to generate heat, Rose rubbed her hands vigorously over her arms that she had tightly wound around herself. The snowflakes that had once made her hair shine in the sunlight were now transformed into large water droplets, soaking her blonde strands. He swallowed as he began to take in the way her hair clung to her neck and her clothes hugged her curves.

His brain flipped to survival mode. Not that they were in any real danger. Well, Rose might catch a cold. But that wasn't danger danger, just a minor inconvenience. Still, it was best to focus on getting her warm instead of...well, instead of _that_.

"You're in luck!" He said a little too loudly. "There is a fireplace. Of sorts. Not one that you're used to, but the purpose is the same. It's in the wall, near the, uh...by the bed. I'll just..." He tried to brush past her, but she reached out and snagged his elbow.

"Thank you." She grinned up at him, her lips starting to tint the faintest shade of blue around the edges.

"I haven't done anything." He looked down at her in confusion. She really needed to get out of those clothes and over by the fire. Now there was an interesting idea. He could help her. With his teeth and--no. Stop.

"For today." Rose's eyes radiated a warmth her body did not have, her fingers squeezing his arm as another shiver ran through her.

"You're welcome." He couldn't help but smile back, a slow tingling warmth spreading from his hearts to the rest of his body. He kissed her forehead. "Now, let me get the heat in here going before you freeze."

She nodded as he walked towards the bed. He scooped his jacket it off the duvet, hesitating for just a moment before tossing it onto the coffee table next to where Rose was standing.

"You should...um, put that on." He gestured vaguely to the tan bundle of fabric, trying to ignore her teasing grin. "After you, that is...it's dry and will keep you warm. But it will work best if you...if you takeyourclothesofffirst." The last bit came out in a rush, and he turned toward the wall, looking for the tiny control panel that would allow him to get the heat going. Not that he needed it right now. 

Despite his own dripping wet clothes, he could feel heat spreading from his chest to his cheeks. He was blushing. Bloody brilliant. Blushing because he was thinking about Rose taking off her clothes. Which really shouldn't make him blush, considering the attire they had slept in the night before. Which had been practically nothing.

Yet here he was, face turning a bright shade of pink while he fumbled with the wall. Several squelches and frustrated noises behind him let him know that Rose was fighting to take off her wet clothing. Finding the hidden control panel, he pressed the desired sequence. A square section of the wall seemed to vanish, leaving behind an open section of the wall. Overall it appeared like a normal human fireplace, well more like the electrical ones to be honest. Only here the logs were white cubes and the flames were varying shades of blue. The colors matched the theme of the room, keeping the appearance of an enclosed winter wonderland. He smiled broadly as he felt the blast of heat encompass his crouched form. Rose would love it.

He stood up and whipped around, ready to boast over his accomplishment and show off the flickering blue flames. His jaw dropped and the prepared words died on his lips.

Rose tucked a wet strand behind her ear and chewed her lip. It had been his idea for her to put his coat on in the first place, an idea he _clearly_ had not through to the end result. It was a little too long, the tails brushing the floor as she stood watching him in her bare feet. It was too loose as well; but the way she had it wrapped tightly around her more than made up for it. Her hair was slightly waved from drying in the air. She was beautiful, stunning, gorgeous...

His eyes flicked to her clothes laid out carefully on the coffee table. _All of them_. He gulped, openly running his gaze over her body. She wasn't wearing anything underneath. Nothing at all. Blood rushed to a certain piece of anatomy just below his belt and a different kind of heat began fizzing through his veins.

"I didn't want to get your coat wet," she explained. 

The shoulders of his coat were a darker shade brown from the water seeping from her hair. He didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. The sight of her in nothing but his coat having knocked him completely speechless.

"Is...is that, is this ok?" Rose asked quietly, shifting on her feet.

He willed his eyes to look at her face and nodded slowly. "I'm just...I..." He trailed off and pointed to the ensuite before rushing inside, tripping over his feet.

He closed the door and then leaned against it, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out the image of Rose. But she was burned into his mind, teasing and taunting him.

Slowly he toed off his trainers and began shucking his own damp clothes while his mind debated with what to do next. They had agreed to take it slow, but it was clear that Rose was waiting on him. That she needed him to be sure. He would have to be the one to take the next step. He was thankful for her understanding, eternally grateful that she wouldn't push further than he was willing to go. But right now all he could think of was the fact that Rose Tyler was on the other side of the door, completely starkers underneath his coat, and waiting for him.

One day was long enough, right?

He scrubbed a hand over his face. He couldn't hide in here forever. Rose would either come looking for him or he would make her worry too much. He didn't fancy having her doubt where they stood so soon after making things right again.

Dressed in nothing but his dark blue pants, damp and clinging, leaving very little to the imagination, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

Rose had wandered over to the fire and now stood with her back to him, arms still wrapped tightly around herself. She didn't even look over her shoulder as he stepped out of the en suite. She didn't move or say anything at all. Just stood there, staring silently into the fire.

He decided that one day was all the time he had needed. If he waited any longer he was going to explode, his feelings and his need for her had done nothing but continue to grow. One day, after over two years already, was actually probably too long. His feelings for her would never change, he was more certain of that than anything in any of his lives. The only things holding him back had been her rejection of the telepathy and the depth of her feelings not matching his own. She had proved the first worry to be wrong. He could only hope the same would be true of the second.

Padding across the carpet on bare feet, he walked over to her. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, sighing at the welcome heat of her body, even through the layer of fabric. Pulling her close to his chest, he nuzzled her hair and breathed her in.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to come back out." Her voice was light and teasing, but she kept her arms pressed close to her torso, closing him off.

His hearts clenched and he unconsciously gripped her tighter. She had begun doubting him already. Because he was a great big alien idiot. There were two ways this could go. He could talk to her, try to explain his remaining anxieties without somehow causing her to doubt him even further. Except for all his constant jabbering, he was rubbish with words when it came to matters of the heart.

He would just have to show her.

He removed one arm from around her waist, leaning back slightly to trail his fingers over her hip and then up over her back. He smiled as she shivered, this time it wasn’t from being too cold. He brushed his fingers over her neck, letting the pads of his fingers linger over her skin as he pulled back the curtain of golden tresses. He planted the hand at her waist and pulled her closer, the feel of his own clothes beneath his palm both odd and yet wonderfully possessive.

Rose melted into him as he pressed kisses along her neck, starting beneath her ear and working his way down. He paused where her neck met her shoulder, sucking the exposed flesh until he was sure a mark would appear. Her resulting moan shot desire straight to his cock. His lips released her skin with a hiss as she rolled her bum against his rapidly hardening length.

He turned her around slowly, keeping one arm around her waist and leaving mere inches of space between them. He stared into her darkened amber eyes, wanting to be sure she understood just what it was he wanted. He let his lust for her burn in his gaze, a searing want that she wouldn't be able to mistake for anything else. Using one arm to keep his coat secure around her, she gently placed the other on his chest, trailing her fingers through the light patch of hair. Rose watched her hand’s slow progress and licked her lips.

That slow drag of her tongue across her plump bottom lip was all the indication he needed. But with so few layers between them, he wanted to be careful, safe. There would be plenty of opportunities for fast and heated, for letting their passion and lust for each other wipe away everything else and drive them sprinting to topple over the edge. But not now. 

Something inside told him that everything hung on this moment. If he backed away she would likely never let him this close again. And he wouldn't blame her. She had said she could go slow, wait and match him pace for pace. If he went too fast, his mind could reach out, mingle with hers before she was ready. This time, this moment, was all about trust. Believing the other would be waiting to catch them after the fall. 

He would always believe in his Rose.

Cupping her face, he leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to hers. Her fingers instinctively curled into his chest, sending jolts of electricity straight to his hearts. They stumbled, tangling together before resuming to a state of semi normal capacity. He used his hand splayed across her lower back to pull her flush against him, taking advantage of her gasp to tentatively dip his tongue into her mouth.

He let their lips and tongues slowly mold and move together. The gradual increase of arousal attempting to drown out the nerves buzzing in his veins. He focused on Rose. That taste he could never get enough of. That feel of her tongue sliding against his, sending sparks of pleasure from his head to his toes. That texture of her smooth warm lips fitting so perfectly with his own.

His want to feel her, to taste her, to _hear_ her call out his name was climbing higher. Every cell in his body screamed for her, aware that only two layers stood between them.

He brushed her cheek with his thumb before letting his hand drift lower. His fingers fiddled with the collar of the coat, sliding up and down the fabric, every so often brushing over her exposed skin and making her shiver. He wanted to rip the coat from her body, wanted to yank it open and reveal what was hiding underneath. He slid his fingers under the heavy fabric, resting his hand just below her collarbone with his thumb rubbing the base of her neck.

Rose pushed gently on his chest and broke away from the kiss. Her pupils were dilated, her own desire mirroring his own. She took several deep, uneven breaths. Was she changing her mind? Did he somehow still move too fast? His brain ran through all the events from earlier that day, everything leading to where they were now. He couldn't find a single--

"Are you sure?" Her gentle question was free of judgement. A simple few words that could give him an out if he wanted it.

He searched her face. He was certain that's what she was doing. His wonderful Rose, still putting herself last. He could easily take it, ramble and make excuses for why now wasn't the right time either. He wouldn't have to worry about keeping his impulses in check. Wouldn't have to worry about his mind's need to feel another consciousness in the space that had become woefully empty since losing everything. He knew that wasn't the only reason, knew by now just how deeply Rose was etched into his hearts.

He was terrified of crossing a line she wasn't yet ready to cross. He was unsure in his ability to only cross one line and not both at the same time. It struck him that he would always be afraid of going too far, getting too close, only to have her push him away. She was willing to meet him halfway...and he was rejecting it.

Not anymore.

He pulled her roughly against him, crashing his lips to hers. He poured all the love and need he could into the kiss, hoping she would understand. Rose brought her other hand to his chest, moving her mouth with his in equal fervour. The coat remained frustratingly closed.

Slowly he slid his slightly shaking hand to her shoulder, pushing the coat open ever so slightly. He removed his other hand from the small of her back and mirrored the movement on the opposite side. His hands rested on her shoulders, the coat still closed enough to hide her figure beneath.

Rose scratched her nails down the Doctor's chest before letting her arms hang limply at her sides. True to her word, she was letting him set the pace, only giving little cues that she was willing to keep going.

He wanted to lean back, wanted to open his eyes and drink her in when he removed the coat. But a niggling voice told him it might be too much. His already lust clouded brain might not be able to hold anything back. So he squeezed his eyes tighter, continuing to kiss her deeply, and ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms, pushing the heavy coat to the floor.

The rustle of fabric falling through the air then pooling at her feet was the only indication he had that Rose was now bared completely before him. He still didn't trust himself to look. He clung tightly to her wrists, debating with himself on what to do next. His muscles tensed and his mind became restless and chaotic, too many doubts and insecurities wrestling for control. Desire took a back seat to anxiety and his kisses became awkward and erratic.

Rose twisted her hands in his grip to lace her fingers with his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. She pulled her lips away from his and began peppering his face and neck with soft kisses. She moved slowly, making sure to keep her distance, only touching their hands and wherever her lips brushed over his face. He relaxed under her attention. The warmth radiating from her body so close to his soothing and teasing him all at once.

Anxiety and doubts melted away. She gently sucked on his pulse point. Nerves fired, overwhelmed by the sensations she was creating with her teeth and her tongue. His body acted out of pure impulse. He released her hands and gripped her hips, pressing their bodies close together. Her mouth was wrenched away in the sudden movement and she scrambled to grip his shoulders for balance.

He reclaimed her lips and pulled her as close to him as possible. He could feel everything. Sparks sizzled where skin met skin and he reveled in the way her soft curves pressed against him. He felt the familiar tingle at the base of his skull, his mind itching to reach out. He tamped it down and kept his hands still, moving only his mouth over hers.

Rose must have sensed his hesitancy. She kissed him softly and tenderly while slowly sliding her hands down his chest and to his sides, dancing her fingertips over his rib cage. He could feel her body buzzing with energy, could taste the overload of hormones as he ventured his mouth and tongue down her neck.

Keeping aware of his mind's urgency and making sure it wouldn't get out of control, he let his hands began to wander. Up her sides and down her back to her bum. He nipped at her neck and gave her round bottom a tentative squeeze. Rose moaned and arched into him, searching for friction in just the right spot.

His mind flared out of his control, a loud buzzing that momentarily distracted him from everything else. He froze. For a moment neither moved, neither spoke. They stood wrapped around each in silence, only their ragged breaths echoing in the small room.

"Sorry," she breathed into his ear.

Shivering, he slowly pulled back to look at her, sliding his hands back to her waist. His entire being burned for her, but...

"Rose," he choked out, not sure where to start.

"Do you trust me?"

He blinked. "Of course I do."

She nodded and ghosted her lips over his. He leaned forward, chasing her mouth, but she had already pulled away. She kissed her way down his chest, keeping her hands on his hips. His own hands slid up her sides and over her back to tangle in her hair as she continued her way down his torso. She licked and kissed his stomach, setting his nerves alight with desire.

He couldn't help the sudden influx of images and fantasies as her blonde head bobbed lower down his body. That wasn't what he wanted. Well, not yet.

"Rose, I--"

She cut him off by cupping him through his pants, his feeble protest turning into a groan. His hands twitched in her hair and he fought the urge to press against her hand. 

Without warning, she yanked his pants down to his ankles then stood back up, smiling. Slowly, she walked backwards to the bed. He made to follow her, but got caught up in the clothing at his feet. By the time his desire clogged brain figured out how to step out of the clothing, Rose had already pulled back the sheets and was lying on the bed.

He swallowed hard. The images he had conjured in his head paled in comparison to the reality stretched out before him. He had tried to avoid staring last night, and even though he hadn't fully succeeded, the real thing was so much better than any fantasy he could have created. Rose Tyler naked was the most beautiful thing he had seen in all the universe. The blue light from the flames danced over her creamy skin. Her complexion and light hair making her seem like a some sort of mythical snow goddess.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, finally wrenching his eyes away from her body and meeting her gaze.

"Um, thank you." She bit her lip and flushed, the pink spreading from her cheeks down to her chest.

He could die happy right now. If they woke up tomorrow and the TARDIS had gone missing, leaving them stranded, he wouldn't care. The most breathtaking wonder in all the cosmos was right here.

She beckoned him over with her finger and a soft smile. He was drawn to her like a magnet. He wouldn't have been able to run away now, even if he wanted to. The tingle in his skull had subsided to something barely noticeable. It still worried him, but there was no going back now.

He climbed awkwardly onto the bed, knowing exactly where he _wanted_ to go, but uncertain of what she had meant. To his surprise she guided him above her, elbows and knees planted on each side of her body. His hearts were racing in his chest and his thoughts were an incoherent jumble. He gazed nervously into her eyes, fumbling for words.

She brought a hand up to his cheek, the other rested on his shoulder. "Let's just skip the other stuff for now, yeah?"

"But..." He didn't understand. He knew he was ready, physically at any rate. But he was fairly certain human females did not function by a simple on-off switch. He furrowed his brow, trying to push the need to lower himself to the far reaches of his mind. "Don't you need...er, foreplay?"

Rose giggled. He stared at her in further confusion.

"Here," she whispered. She moved her hand from his face to his wrist, giving him time to adjust his weight before guiding his hand downward. Rose paused, their joined hands resting on her inner thigh. He held her gaze and nodded slightly. Moving his hand forward, she slid his finger through her folds.

They both groaned at the touch. She was warm and already wet. Rose's eyes fluttered shut as he stroked her slit once more. He would have continued had she not gripped his wrist and brought his hand back up by her head.

“Please,” she implored. 

Never one to deny her, the Doctor lowered his hips to hers. Rose hooked her legs around his waist and wiggled her arms beneath his to wrap them around his back. His need for her was overwhelming, nearly making him forget the low buzzing in his mind. Testing his resolve, he slid his cock through her wet heat before slowly entering her.

His hands tangled in her hair as he gripped the sheets on each side of her head, his elbows pressed close to her shoulders. Rose arched into him, her gasps mingling with his own as he buried himself deeper and deeper with one long steady stroke.

Sheathed completely within her, he pulled back and thrust once before he stilled. His mind and his body were screaming, each seeking a different form of completion. He was more than willing to let his body keep going. But the closer his body got to release, the harder it was to keep his mind from seeking out hers. His arms began shaking with the effort of staying motionless.

Rose gently rubbed his back and his shoulders in slow wide circles. She placed kisses to whatever part of him she could reach. Keeping his eyes closed, he began to try and move again, his body no longer able to wait. He could sense her consciousness just beyond his, her golden light calling out to him. Gritting his teeth, he battled internally while attempting to set up some sort of rhythm.

Rose tightened her legs around his waist and shifted beneath him, jostling his body in an odd manner. He didn't dare open his eyes and didn't have enough spare room for thought to try and puzzle out what she was doing. Her hands found his and somehow guided them to her temples without sending him crashing down onto her.

The Doctor's eyes flew open and he stopped moving again. He searched her face. It had to be a coincidence. There was no way she...but she was. Her eyes were warm and understanding, no trace of disappointment or rejection. She gripped the sides of his face and pulled his head down. Placing their foreheads together urgently.

He kissed her and let his mind reach out to gently brush hers. A small part of him thought that maybe he should have explained this to her earlier, just in case. But it didn't matter. He found no barriers. Her mind was open and welcoming, calling him in. He pushed forward, entering her mind as carefully as he had entered her body. 

They gasped in unison as their minds mingled together. The physical sensations the other was feeling bombarded them first. He felt how he stretched her, the heady feel of him fully inside her, felt the need for him to move within her, that desire for friction. And he would be able to tell what spots he would need to hit to drive her over the edge.

After the initial overwhelming physical stimulations, he let her emotions wash over him. He was in awe. She _loved_ him. Oh there was so much more than just that floating in her mind-desire, happiness, relief, nervousness. But her love wrapped around him and it was just as deep, just as fierce as the love he felt for her.

He had wanted to hide that from her, thought that maybe it would scare her off. Instead, he let his feelings drift along with her own. Joy bubbled up and over him. It was her. She could see just how much he felt for her, the things he still couldn't bring himself to say.

She kissed him, funneling her affection and emotions through her lips. His body kicked back into action, spurred on by the growing passion he felt surging through her mind.

They moved together in earnest, waves of pleasure crashing around them. He adjusted his angle, hitting her deeper. His body was bursting with energy, the combination of feeling her emotions and physical sensations paired with his own, driving him faster, an overwhelming need to bring both of them toppling over the edge.

He could feel how close she was, could feel her body tightening down, ready to burst. He felt his own orgasm building and he thrust into her harder, faster, more, more. Mentally and physically willing her to come first.

She clung to his shoulders and cried out his name as she reached her climax. With one more thrust he was falling after her into oblivion, groaning her name against her neck. They rocked together, knowing just when to move in order to draw out the ecstasy pounding through their bodies.

The Doctor collapsed for a moment before rolling off of her and onto his back. The air in the room felt harsh against his skin, he wasn’t ready to have so much distance between them. He quickly pulled Rose to his side. She giggled and shifted so that she was half lying on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her as she tangled their legs and snuggled into his chest, resting a hand between his hearts.

They were still trying to catch their breath and relaxed in a comfortable silence. Basking in the afterglow, they enjoyed small aftershocks of pleasure, amplified by their yet unbroken mental connection.

Then it hit him. His euphoria crashing down and overtaken by a sudden wave of panic tinged with regret. His fingers dug into her skin. Rose tensed in his arms and he remembered too late that their minds were still linked.


	23. The Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by almondina.

_Then it hit him. His euphoria crashing down and overtaken by a sudden wave of panic tinged with regret. His fingers dug into her skin. Rose tensed in his arms and he remembered too late that their minds were still linked._

“You regret it already.” The hurt Rose felt rushed through his mind, each wave of emotion stabbing him like a knife in his hearts.

"What? No!” Fresh bursts of panic shot from him through their link, which only increased the hurt and rejection Rose was projecting. No, no, no. Not good, not good. In his current position on his back with Rose tucked to his side, their arms around each other, he couldn’t see her face. The Doctor placed a finger under her chin, lifting her head from his chest and forcing her to look at him. “No, I...Rose. I didn't... _we_ didn't use any protection."

She blinked. The hurt that had been rolling off of her fizzled out of existence. His hearts hammered wildly in his chest, his panic barely toned down. The hurt was gone, but what now? Would she be angry? Panic just as badly as he was? Or...

Rose burst into giggles, her forehead dipping back down to rest on his chest. The intense relief and amusement radiating from her head to her toes almost had him laughing right along with her. Only, he didn’t see what was so funny.

“I’m being incredibly serious." The Doctor furrowed his brow, still not understanding the pure relief and sheer hilarity burning through her mind. "We may be different species and while the probability of...of successful...er, well, of-of _that_ happening is...ohhh, 10.5 million to one, it is still a possibility. And I--”

“Doctor.” Rose looked up and moved to silence him with a kiss. “Relax. I’ve been on birth control since I was 16.”

“You...oh.” His grip on her loosened. Blimey, that was close. Not that he wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea of children with Rose, but that was not something they needed right now. Their relationship was still too new. Wait...did he just admit that...what if she picked up on…

Ice cold anxiety ripped through their link, he gasped at the sudden onslaught of turbulent emotions Rose was hurling his way, no doubt not used to sharing them in a mental capacity. She propped herself up on her elbows to get a better look at him, her eyes wide.

“Can I...are you clean?” She looked at him seriously and her cheeks had flushed slightly pink.

“Um..." He arched an eyebrow at her. "Well, considering I haven’t had a shower since this morning and our _activities_ since then, no. No, I suppose not.” He smiled and tried to reassure her, rubbing small circles on her back. He kept his own thoughts and emotions calm and soothing, hoping they would inadvertently affect her own.

“That’s not what I meant.” She shook her head, smiling slightly. “Are you _clean_?” Rose tilted her head, drawing out the last word and raising both her eyebrows in a meaningful gesture.

“Rose, I’m afraid I don’t follow what you are trying to say. And your emotions and thoughts are all over the place. I can’t quite…” He trailed off as she took a deep breath and screwed her eyes shut in concentration.

Her panic subsided, tucked away in a safe corner of her mind. Her swirling thoughts stilled and nearly vanished completely before gently bobbing a top of sea of tension. She pushed the greatest concern to the front, finding it easier to show him this way instead of utter the words out loud. 

_Oh_.

“Rose,” he said softly, cupping her cheek. “You have nothing to worry about. I am not going to give you any diseases, alien or otherwise. I would never do that to you.”

“You asked about protection _after_ we had sex.”

Oh. Right.

“Fair point. However, you didn’t seem too worried about it. And you are waiting till just now to worry about my...sexual hygiene.” He bopped her nose and waggled his eyebrows. “Besides, while I agree that it wouldn’t be fair and it would still be wrong of me, giving you a disease is not the same as getting you pregnant.”

“Yeah, ok.” Rose conceded with a small smile, her anxiety finally gone.

“Wait, how have you managed to keep enough pills on board? I know we aren’t ever gone too long before we visit your mum, but what if something were to happen and we end up stranded for months before we can get back?”

“Well...it wouldn’t have mattered.” She shrugged, not meeting his gaze.

He was tempted to examine the small bubble of worry that popped into her mind. That wouldn't be fair, she was inexperienced and was probably trying to hide that from him. It was amazing she had managed to keep it locked in one place without proper instruction, instead of it bounding straight to him. Didn't mean he had to drop the topic completely.

“But, Rose...what if you had wanted--”

“Trust me, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“You can’t be certain. I’m sure after awhile you would have--”

“If it wasn’t you, it wasn’t going to happen.”

“Oh." He blinked then stared at her blankly for a moment, his disbelief too great to process anything else. "Really?”

“Yes." She rolled her eyes as he smirked. "Anyway, Mum knows someone who owes her a favor, an apparently large favor. I still have another year’s worth of pills in my room on the TARDIS. Mum tried to get me to bring more, but they expire after two years, so it wouldn’t have done much good.”

“Eugh, no." The Doctor pulled a face, shaking his head violently. "We will have to get you something more effective and with less, er, hormonal side effects for you. You can toss that lot right where they belong, the trash.”

“Oh will we now? Is there some sort of reason as to _why_ I will be needing a more effective method?” Rose batted her lashes.

He rolled them over, knowing very well that she could already feel his building desire in her mind. He could already feel hers growing in kind. He pressed his hips into hers, punctuating the emotional need for her with a well placed grind of his hips. Smiling, she pulled him fully on top of her and crashed her lips into his.

Losing themselves in the feel of skin on skin and forgetting the rest of the world, hiding away in the safe haven of each other’s emotions, they spent hours discovering new ways to make the other shatter and fall before finally passing out, sated and tangled together.

…..

Rose fell forward, panting into the Doctor's neck. Her body twitched and sparks fired randomly in her mind. She could feel his body reacting a similar way beneath hers, his fingers clenching and relaxing over her hips. Her mind swirled, the sensation of feeling his orgasm explode within her, mentally and physically, leaving her breathless and lightheaded.

She would never get used to this, would never get enough. She had always known (or hoped very strongly) that sex with the Doctor would be amazing. But she had no idea that it would literally blow her mind. She had been hesitant at first. The telepathy aspect had seemed a bit intimidating, but it was beyond her wildest fantasies.

They had woken up in each other's arms, slowly returning to consciousness. Lazy kissing had turned to heated snogging. Hands wandered and soon the room was again full of gasps and moans and slick skin sliding together. 

With great effort she sat up and looked down at him from her position, straddling his lap with his length still inside her. His hair was tousled from sleep and her hands. His chest moved steadily up and down, his breathing recovering from their activity more quickly than hers. His eyes were soft and full of a tenderness that made her heart skip a beat. 

She could feel the shared euphoria from their mental link. He had offered to close it off and withdraw from her mind several times last night. He claimed he'd be better able to keep it under control now he'd had the experience. She refused each time. She felt how much it meant to him. But more than that, she felt how much he loved her. Knowing he couldn't say it out loud, at least not yet, she thrived off of feeling his love pound through her system and wash over her. She felt treasured and safe and there was no chance she would turn that away. She returned his feelings just as fiercely.

"Morning," she whispered.

"Morning," he replied, smiling lazily. “And I told you I was impressive. As for those wild fantasies of yours…” He waggled his eyebrows and thrust his hips up. He was still inside her and the movement caused her to shudder.

“Shut it,” she replied, recovering as quickly as possible. Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed slightly. He had been listening to her thoughts. Blimey, this mental link stuff was going to take some getting used to.

“Not all of it.” The Doctor shook his head and ran his hands over her thighs. She arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t catch all of it. I know you’re not used to it, so I’m doing my best to be...er, selective in what thoughts of yours I pay attention to. But I must say, Rose, some of them are quite loud and rather hard to ignore.” His eyes twinkled with teasing amusement and he trailed his fingers up her inner thighs.

“What about emotions?” Rose asked with a shaky breath.

“Now, that...that is a different story. There is a way, and I can teach you later if you want, but there is a way to keep from projecting them. Right now, I’m receiving each and every one.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. It’s not that she wanted to hide how she felt from him, after all, she knew he returned the feeling. But she worried that letting her love broadcast so loudly and so continually to him would make him shy away. She chewed her bottom lip, knowing he was reading her sudden anxiety loud and clear.

He sat up, carefully so that they remained joined, and she gripped his shoulders for balance. One of his hands braced his weight on the mattress and he brought the other up to cup her face, brushing his thumb lightly over her cheek. He gazed into her eyes intently, letting his own love wrap around her like a warm blanket. Her doubts slowly ebbed away.

“You never have to hide that from me, Rose.” His breath ghosted over her face before he moved forward, placing his lips gently over her own.

She slid her hands into his hair, sifting the silky strands through her fingers. She sighed as he swiped his tongue along her bottom lip. Rose let herself drift in the steady current of emotion they were giving off, only anchored down by the feel of of his lips and tongue dancing with her own. 

The slow stirrings of want and desire tingled at the edges of her mind. She wasn't sure who it belonged to and didn't quite care. Strong hands gripped her hip and splayed over her back. She was flipped over, the soft mattress beneath her and the Doctor's body pinning her down.

"Doctor," she giggled against his lips. She grinned at him as he pulled back to look at her, his eyes dark with lust. "I was serious about shopping for gifts today."

"I know." His voice was low and husky, sending tiny shivers of pleasure down her spine.

"That means we actually have to _leave_ the room."

"All in good time, Rose Tyler."

Any further objections were silenced with a searing kiss.

.....

Four hours later, the Doctor and Rose emerged from their hotel and into the bright sunlight. Their clothes had dried overnight, so clad in the same attire as the day before, they walked, hand in hand, down the street.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starved." Rose placed a hand on her grumbling stomach.

The Doctor chuckled. "Alright, new plan. Food first and then shopping."

"Sounds good to--oh! Maybe we should check the TARDIS before we shop. There's not a whole lot of extra space in the hotel room."

"Oh, um..." He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck, ignoring the way she was looking up at him. "That won't really be necessary. She'll let us in now."

"Really?" Rose looked at him in confusion before narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "And how would you know that?"

"Er...well, she may have informed me this morning that we would now be allowed back inside.” He considered not telling Rose the rest of the message the time ship had sent him. Some of the details and tone were a little muddled due to the distance, but one thing had been perfectly clear. He took a deep breath, Rose was bound to find out at some point. “She may have also implied to me that since we, that is since a certain _event_ took place, we would be welcomed on board." He winced, waiting for Rose to lash out at him. The damn bloody TARDIS…

“How would she know about that?”

“She’s a sentient time machine, Rose. She knows how to read time lines, more specifically, events that have occurred in my time line. But it’s not like she was watching or knows _those_ kinds of details.” He hoped he was explaining it clearly. He didn’t want her freaking out about the TARDIS being nosy.

Rose burst into laughter, earning some odd looks from a group that walked past them on the street. He looked down at her to see her shaking her head and smiling.

"I told you. The TARDIS is as bad as my mother."

He wanted to argue, the TARDIS was nothing like Jackie Tyler. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that in this case, Rose was right.

Stopping in a cozy little cafe they ate lunch, talking and touching with a familiar ease. It had taken several false starts, but they were finally together, in the way they were always meant to be. The Doctor felt truly content.

They spent several more hours wandering the town. They were so wrapped up in each other, that only half of their effort was put into selecting gifts. It meant the shopping took longer than necessary, but with Rose on his arm, the Doctor didn't care.

Rose bought several bags full of odds and ends for her mum, delighted that being with the Doctor meant she could spoil Jackie in a way she had never been able to do before. She also bought some things for a couple of mates and a handful of family members. At some insisting and fluttering of lashes, she had even convinced the Doctor that they should get something for Sarah Jane.

With the main shopping done, the agreed on a brief split to buy gifts for each other. The Doctor panicked at first. He had never been good at this sort of thing. And the fact that he was looking for something for Rose only made him more anxious. What could he give the one person who meant the most to him that wouldn't be inadequate? He wandered aimlessly for twenty minutes, hoping something would pop out at him.

It did. As well as one more thing he wanted them to do before they headed to Jackie's. Which meant a few more things he would need to buy. Collecting his items and thanking the cashier, he went off in search for Rose, a broad smile on his face.

He found her walking past a toy shop, eyes focused on the items in the window and not her surroundings. Falling into step beside her, he reached out and took her hand. She startled then broke out into a radiant smile when she realized it was him. 

He wanted to reach out and brush her consciousness with his, an impulse he was having more often since last night. Unlike before though, he was able to control it much easier. She had given him a great gift earlier, and he wasn't going to push her further than she was comfortable with. One little step at a time.

"Did you find what you needed?" He asked as their steps synchronized without effort.

"Yup. You?" She leaned around, eyeing the bags in his other hand.

"Yes." He stuck his tongue out at her and moved the gifts behind his back.

"So back to the TARDIS?"

"Sort of. We need to go back and drop off the bags. And then you, Miss Tyler, need to change."

"Yes, I'm aware of that thanks." She rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder against his. “You sure know how to flatter a girl."

"No...that's not..." He huffed when he caught the teasing glint in her eyes. "You need to prepare yourself for a date."

"Oh? What are we doing?"

"It's a surprise."

"Then how am I supposed to know what to wear?"

"I've taken care of it. Christmas came early for you." He pulled on her hand, bringing them to a stop. He pressed a tender kiss to her lips. The beaming smile he got when he pulled back made his hearts falter in his chest. He tugged on her hand and they resumed walking, heading for the TARDIS.

"Oh!" Rose skipped and bounced at his side, her bags rustling together. "I got something else for mum. It's this little brass trinket thing. Only it's not brass, don't remember what the girl in the shop didn’t say what it was made out of." She paused for a moment before shaking her head. "Anyway, it sort of...predicts the weather. Mum always gets a kick out of that stuff."

"Hmm." The Doctor tilted his head to the side, flipping through a mental list of items that fit that description. "Ah, you got her a bazoolium. Brilliant! Lovely little things, bazoolium..."


	24. Bazoolium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by almondina

Rose plopped her full red and black duffle bag down on the grating just beside the jump seat. The Doctor looked up from his place by the console. He had been aware of her presence since she entered the room, had heard her footfalls in the corridor actually, but he didn't want her to know how in tune to her he was. Well, not always. He set down the object he had been tinkering with and arched an eyebrow at her.

"What's all that? We're just going to your mother's. And the TARDIS is going to be parked just across the street. Could even park it in your room if you wanted." He waggled his brows and smirked at her.

"It's my laundry," Rose replied, ignoring his last statement.

"I happen to know that you are fully aware there are laundry rooms on board the TARDIS. I know because I've seen you use them."

"I know." She walked over to him and circled her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "But mum likes to do it. Makes her feel needed still or something." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, she's your mother. I'm more concerned with the fact that you didn't even acknowledge my parking suggestion. That's rather rude of you."

"Hmm, is it? Must be hanging around a certain rude Time Lord too often. Suppose he's beginning to rub off on me."

"I'll give you...oh, no. Sorry, that would have been a terrible innuendo. Very lame and un-Time Lordy." He shuddered. Clearly he'd been watching too much 21st century Earth telly with Rose. First on their agenda, after visiting Jackie would be broadening Rose's viewing horizons. Well, he said first...he meant second. Or third, maybe. He'd have to see how some of his other plans for their down time would play out. Down time that included a very naked Rose Tyler.

The Doctor was jostled backwards as the object of his day dreams nudged him with her full body weight. He blinked then looked down at her.

"Care to share with the rest of the class what is so interesting that you haven't heard a word I said for the past ten minutes."

"Rose," he began with a sigh, "It's only been...one minute and, oh, fifty-seven seconds since I, er, zoned out."

"You're avoiding the question," she taunted.

"Never." He began placing kisses on her face. Starting with her forehead, then her nose, followed by each cheek, and ending with both corners of her mouth. "It had everything to do with you running around the TARDIS in various levels of nudity, preferably entirely so." He kissed her softly, his hearts swelling with affection as she smiled against his lips.

Rose pulled back to look at him. "Oh, um. That actually is part of why you can't park the TARDIS in my room."

"What? Why not?" He looked down at her in confusion. He had thought parking the TARDIS in her room had been one of his more brilliant ideas. He didn't understand why she didn't feel the same.

"Mum doesn't exactly know about our new relationship status. And _that_ is going to be a sure way tip her off." She looked at him thoughtfully, a slow smile lighting up her face. "Unless, of course, you were planning on telling her out right."

"Ugh, no." A violent tremor shot through the Doctor's body. That was one conversation he _never_ wanted to have with Jackie Tyler. He would rather face down an entire Dalek fleet armed with nothing but a banana than tell Jackie his new favorite past time was shagging her daughter.

"Figured. I'll have to find some way to tell her."

"Are you trying to get me killed?" The Doctor protested. "Your mother is bound to slap me into my next regeneration if she finds out I've shagged her daughter. Multiple times." 

"She'll figure it out on her own eventually." Rose shook her head then gave him a look full of determination. "Better if she hears it from me."

“Oh, alright," he huffed. "But don’t come crying to me if you no longer have this pretty face to look at once Jackie is through with me.”

“Hmm…” Rose paused, tilting her head and considering something. “Maybe I should tell her right away. Could end up with something better.” She grinned up at him, tongue between her teeth and amusement dancing in her eyes.

“Cheeky.” The Doctor gripped her hip with one hand and splayed the other over her back, bending her slightly backwards and crashing his lips to hers. At her surprised gasp, he plunged his tongue into her mouth. She gripped the back of his neck tightly as he kissed her fiercely. Just as she started to respond, he righted them and broke the kiss, leaving her breathless and dazed.

“Cheeky," he paused to spin her around, "And rude." He swatted her bum and chuckled at her surprised squeak.

Rose turned and looked at him over her shoulder, both eyebrows shooting up to her hairline.

“Now don’t get any ideas." He pointed at her, scolding her playfully. "We are here to visit your mother, remember?”

“What?" Rose blinked and turned back towards him. "We’re here already?”

“Yup.” He popped the 'p' and thrust his hands into his trouser pockets, rocking proudly on his heels.

“But I didn’t even feel us land.”

“I can drive the TARDIS a lot better than you give me credit for, Rose.”

“So...you choose to drive poorly on purpose then?”

“No...it’s...no.” He tugged on his ear, reluctant to tell her the truth even with the new openness between them.

“It’s what, Doctor?”

“Sometimes it’s fun to end up some place new without knowing it...and the landings I find to be rather exhilarating and add to the overall sense of adventure. But as for the getting us to where we need to go...um, well…” He trailed off and released a shaky breath. “You can be very distracting.”

"Seriously? Most of the time I'm not even doing anything!"

"You're always doing something. With your..." he removed a hand from his pocket and pointed at her face. "And your..." Using the same hand, he gestured in the general area of the rest of her body. He could feel his cheeks start to heat up. This bloody sensitive body was betraying his slight embarrassment.

Rose arched an eyebrow and opened her mouth to speak.

"No, just...don't-don't say anything." He shook his head and held his hand up in a silencing motion before jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards the doors. "I'm just going to get my coat. Grab your bag and I'll meet you by the door." The Doctor spun on his heel, heading for the exit.

"What?" Rose called after him. "You're not gonna carry it for me?"

"Your mother thinks I'm exceedingly rude, wouldn't do to show up being overly nice to you. Don't want to give us away." He answered her with a wink over his shoulder. Marching down the ramp, he paused to grab his coat and slip it on before heading out the doors.

Stepping out on the grass, an uneasy feeling gathered in the pit of his stomach. It was unseasonably warm and bright for London in December. But it was more than that. His time sense was trying to tell him something, warn him. Something was coming.

Rose exited the TARDIS, her blue top popping out against her black trousers all the more in the bright sunlight. She smiled warmly at him and he pushed the unpleasant feeling aside. He could worry about it later. Right now, he wanted to enjoy his last few moments with Rose before Jackie's constant jabbering interrupted everything.

They walked across the green grass towards the group of flats. Rose slipped on the other shoulder strap of her bag then hopped over an obstacle. He reached out for her and she placed her hand in his. The perfect fit of their hands was always warm and reassuring. Swinging their hands between them, they walked in carefree ignorance, sharing loving smiles and teasing promises of what would come later.

Upon entering the flat, the Doctor found himself ruthlessly attacked by none other than Jackie herself. Despite his protests, she grabbed him by the face and planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth. He was horrified. Rose slipped by, trying hard to not to laugh. Once Jackie finally released him, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in disgust. He would never admit it out loud, but he had grown fond of her and secretly enjoyed that she treated him as part of the family. Still...he would have preferred a slap.

He pretended to busy himself while Rose drew Jackie’s attention. He idly flipped through uninteresting magazines, every so often casting fond glances at Rose as she gave Jackie the bazoolium. Her excitement was infectious and adorable, warm affection spread through him as he watched her. She couldn’t wait to give Jackie her gifts, but had settled on giving her just the one as soon as they arrived, saving the rest for Christmas Day.

"You'll never guess who else is coming," Jackie said.

"Who?" Rose asked, handing her duffle bag off to Jackie.

The Doctor looked at the pair with distant interest. Depending on who it was, he might want to make himself scarce.

The page of the magazine he was holding became blurry. His time sense spiked alarmingly as a shift in his personal timeline began to slide into place. He breathed rapidly and clutched the flimsy pages tightly in his hands. Whatever it was, it didn't just affect him. Rose. 

He closed his eyes and sent a telepathic plea to the TARDIS, needing her help to figure out what was going on. He had to be sure. The time ship only replied with the mental equivalent of a shushing noise. He clenched his jaw to prevent himself from ripping apart Jackie's magazine. A wave of soft reassurance from the TARDIS washed over him. He buried his worries, hoping and trusting that his ship knew what was going on.

The door burst open, interrupting his brooding, and a girl the same age as Rose stepped inside. Her straight hair hung down well past her shoulders and was a lighter blonde than Rose's. She was a bit taller and a hint skinnier than Rose. The Doctor shook himself mentally as he realized he was doing nothing but compare the girl to Rose. Well, he could hardly be blamed. Rose was prettier. Beautiful. Gorgeous. And what in creation was that screeching noise?

The flat was filled with the sound of shrill squeals from the newcomer and Rose as they enthusiastically embraced. The Doctor edged into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He pulled out his glasses and a random item to tinker with from his pockets, limiting himself to twisting wires in order to keep his sonic hidden. 

He busied himself while Rose caught up with the girl, Shareen. He'd met her twice before. The first time had been with his blue eyes and big ears, and more seeing her in passing than an actual meeting. Not that it would matter now, she wouldn't know it was him. 

The second time had been in this body, oh, about six months ago for her. He had suffered an evening out at the pub with Rose and her mates. Well, it hadn't actually been quite that bad. He had spent the evening with his arm around Rose's shoulders. Looking back, the sexual tension had been so high between Rose and himself, it was a wonder they hadn't crossed the line then. He shook his head as the mention of his name and the phrase 'in one of his moods' reached his ears.

A few minutes later, Rose appeared in front of him and she shoved her hand into one of his inner coat pockets. He squirmed, hands held out to the side, and stared at her as she focused on a corner of the ceiling, tongue poking out between her teeth, and continued to fumble around. She placed a hand on his shoulder, bracing herself so she could dig deeper. He swallowed, willing his body to cooperate and stop focusing on how close she was. Jackie and Shareen were watching them closely.

"Ha!" Rose pulled her hand out of his pocket, holding the small gift she had picked up for the other girl. She smiled down at him. "Thanks."

He could only smile back. Patting him on the knee, she returned to the other women. He took a deep breath, barely catching Rose tell Shareen that his coat pockets were custom made to be deeper than normal. He chuckled then went back to toying with his gadget. After several minutes, he heard Shareen excuse herself off to work and then a drawn out round of goodbyes were exchanged.

After Shareen left, Rose walked over and sank down on the cushion next to him, her thigh just barely brushing against his own. They shared a secretive smile before Rose leaned forward to grab the remote from the coffee table. 

"That was highly rude of you," Rose said as she sat back, not looking at him.

"What?" The Doctor asked, following suit and keeping his eyes trained on the task at hand.

"Not saying hello to Shareen."

"Oh." He paused, examining her profile to gauge her reaction. He really hadn't intentionally been rude this time. He just thought she would like some time alone with her friend, who she hardly ever got to see. "I--"

"It's ok. I told her to come back by tomorrow when you weren't so moody." Rose gave him a teasing smile and a fond pat on his leg before facing away again.

She turned on the telly as Jackie entered the room, sitting down in one of the empty chairs and giving them a funny look. The Doctor ignored her and continued to fiddle with the object in his hand. He wasn’t really doing anything to it anymore, Rose had distracted him. But it was useful for occupying his hands. Hands that itched to touch her.

Rose had stopped on a news station. A brunette in a dark blue blazer droned on about the going ons of the day. The Doctor tuned out most of what she was saying, only catching snatches of commentary.

_“There is still no lead on who or what caused the collapse of the grand skyscraper in Canary Wharf. More on what the government doesn't want you to know..._

“Mum? What is she talking about?” Rose muted the telly and looked at Jackie.

The Doctor shoved the item back into one of his pockets, now paying full attention to the conversation. That same sense of unease he had felt up stepping out of the TARDIS settled over him once more.

“Oh that!” Jackie scoffed, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s nothing really. The only thing exciting about it is the mystery as to what caused it.”

“A building collapsed!” Rose exclaimed in frustration. 

Even without a mental connection, the Doctor could feel the irritation and slowly simmering anger rolling off of Rose. Jackie sounded a little cold, but he knew she wouldn’t dismiss it so casually if something truly terrible had happened. He placed a hand on Rose’s leg, feeling her relax instantly at his touch.

“I know! I felt it, I did. It happened a few months ago. Was all over the news.”

Rose bristled beside him. He rubbed a small comforting circle on her thigh.

“Jackie,” he cut across her self absorbed ramblings. “Just...tell us what happened.”

Jackie narrowed her eyes at him. He watched her gaze drift down to where his hand still rested on Rose's leg. Watched as her eyebrow raised a barely discernible amount. He gulped and jerked his hand away, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. Rose didn't move.

"Well," she began, sitting up straighter and crossing her arms. "Like I said, about two or three months ago there was this big explosion, middle of the bleeding night it was. It was the strangest thing, only this one building was affected. Crumbled right to the ground. Big huge building and only a handful of employees inside, so that's a blessing. Could you imagine it happening during the day?" She shook her head and sighed. "But they still don't know how it happened. Or at least they aren't telling us how." She leaned forward, eyes darting between Rose and the Doctor. "Was it aliens?"

"Just because they aren't saying anything doesn't mean it was aliens," Rose replied.

"Well, I don't know! All the trouble you two get into, I thought there for the first week it had something to do with himself." Jackie pointed at him accusingly.

He ignored her. It was indeed very fortunate that more people hadn't been hurt. And Jackie was more right than he cared to admit. He couldn't explain it, but that building was somehow tied to his timeline. Or had been, he couldn't quite tell. He didn't make a habit of examining the timelines of himself or those close to him, it only brought more heartache in the end. But this was huge, a forceful tug that he couldn't ignore. He would have to take a closer look later, maybe even go see the ruins. Rose and Jackie had been chattering about something while he lost himself in his thoughts. Shaking his head to clear it, he came back to the conversation at hand.

"Mum, why don't you have the flat decorated?" Rose looked around the flat, leaning into the Doctor's shoulder. "It's the day before Christmas and you don't even have a tree."

"I know how he drives. Didn't want to decorate and get my hopes up and then end up spending Christmas alone."

"Mum!" Rose hissed.

"Just pointing out the obvious, dear. Besides, you're here now! You can help." Jackie beamed at them and stood up from her seat. Her grin vanished, fixing them with a hard stare. "And I mean the pair of you."

"Oh no...no." The Doctor spluttered. Knowing his luck her decorations were all mistletoe. And he'd get stuck smooching Rose's mother. "Jackie, I...no, see, er, I don't do...that sort of thing."

"Well, I’m not gonna let you sit around the flat giving my daughter bedroom eyes while her and I do all the hard work. So help or get out." She smiled smugly at the slack jawed expression on both their faces and marched into the kitchen.

He turned to Rose. "I don't give you bedroom eyes! Do I?"

"Um," Rose pursed her lips, trying not to laugh. "I don't know that now would be the appropriate time to discuss your 'bedroom eyes', yeah?"

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He wanted to comment, but knew it would only lead to more flirty banter. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem. But with Jackie in the other room...he decided it would be best to play it safe. For now. He couldn't make himself any promises in regards to later. Rose was like a drug, now that he'd had her, he couldn't get enough. He wasn't sure he could make it through the visit and keep his hands off of her.

"Let's just get to it." Rose glanced at the kitchen before leaning in to press a light kiss on his cheek. She stood up and offered her hand.

Taking her hand in his, more for comfort than needing help, he got up from the couch. It was going to be a long night.

.....

In a matter of two hours, they had the flat completely decorated and ready for Christmas. They had borrowed an artificial tree from one of the neighbors and Jackie had pulled out her decorations from the hall closet. 

The tree had taken the longest. Rose and the Doctor kept 'accidentally' getting tangled together while putting on the lights and meeting up for hushed whispers behind the tree when it came time to hang the ornaments. Thankfully, her mother had only made sparing comments about them. Usually, she pulled Rose aside, bombarding her with questions and finally throwing her hands up in exasperation, telling her that she would have to be the one to make the first move. The Doctor, in her opinion, was too much of a blind alien git. Rose tried to brush it off without giving anything away. She wanted to tell Jackie, but it just never seemed like the right moment.

After the flat had been decorated, Jackie ran off to the store to grab a handful of things she had forgotten to grab for dinner the next day. They were alone, finally.

Rose sat down next to the Doctor on the sofa and snuggled up to his side. She smiled as his chest rose and fell in a deep contented sigh. He kept one arm on the armrest but moved the other to trace slow wide circles over her back. She shivered and pressed closer.

"There are a million and one things I want to do to you right now, but I really don't want my mum walking in on us." Rose played with his tie, debating with herself as to whether or not she should undo his jacket. He had long ago taken the coat off. One layer down.

He chuckled and the vibrations in his chest made he long for skin on skin contact even more.

"Maybe we should play it safe and just watch a movie then?" The Doctor suggested quietly, placing a kiss into her hair.

"Yeah." She sighed, not bothering to keep the disappointment out of her voice. She sat up and grabbed for the remote. Cuddling back up to his side, she found a channel playing Rudolph and tossed the remote to the other end of the sofa.

She really should have known better. There was no way they would be able to sit so close together without one of them giving in to the urges they were so recently allowed to fulfill. It had been a slow two year build up, and she was only human. She could hardly be blamed for giving in when he was so good at persuading.

They sat in silence, each concentrating so hard on not jumping the other that there was no room for conversation. The Doctor continued to draw circular patterns on her back. The motion was a tantalizing blend of calming and arousal. The first time he brushed his fingers over the patch of exposed skin just above the waistband of her trousers, she decided to go with arousal. Her heart hammered against her chest and a slow throb began between her legs. He continued his ministrations, driving her desire for him higher and higher. She unbuttoned his jacket and lightly scratched her nails over his abdomen, grinning at his sharp intake of breath.

He slipped his hand partially beneath her trousers, toying with the top of her knickers. She couldn't take it. Sitting up, she grabbed his tie and yanked him to her. Their lips collided and sparks exploded behind her eyelids. There was no slow build up, no careful testing of waters. Tongues pushed forward without seeking permission, knowing they would be granted entrance. Hands wandered, removing jackets and seeking uncovered skin.

Rose climbed onto the Doctor's lap as he scooted over, giving her room to squeeze a knee between his body and the armrest. His hands covered her back, helping guide her as she straddled him. There were still several layers between them, but this would work for now. Rose slid her hands to his hair, gently tugging and nipping at his bottom lip as he groaned and bucked against her.

Blood was rushing too loudly in her ears and her eyes squeezed shut too tightly as he moved a hand to cup one of her breasts for Rose to be aware of anything else. Her body was screaming for him, a need so overwhelming it drowned out the rest of the world.

Neither of them heard the door to the flat swing open.


	25. No Present Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of beta'd by almondina. I cannot thank her enough for her help with this fic. She made it so much bigger and better than what it started out as. We'll always have BAZOOLIUM. And huge thank you to all of those who have read and enjoyed it! Can't believe this is the last chapter.

_Neither of them heard the door to the flat swing open._

"What in the bloody hell are you doing to my daughter?" Jackie's loud screech filled the small flat.

The Doctor and Rose froze, lips stuck together but no longer moving. Their eyes popped open, staring at each other in wide eyed horror for a split second before jerking their heads apart. The Doctor's hearts raced in his chest and he tried to stand. It would have been a brilliant plan...if hadn't been for Rose.

His abrupt change in position didn't give her time to react properly, causing her to cling to him as he stood up. Her hands fisted into his Oxford (his suit jacket having been tossed to the floor some time ago) and her arms, already wrapped around his neck and shoulders, tensed to hold up her body weight. Her legs hooked desperately around his hip and the back of his thigh. All his mind could process was that Rose was trying not to fall. He _obviously_ couldn't allow that. His hands slid to the backs of her legs, just below her bum, in an effort to help support her. Too late he realized he should have just let go and made it up to her later.

"Get your hands off of her!" Jackie's shrill voice sounded behind him, closer than before.

"Mum!" Rose peered at her mother over the Doctor's shoulder. Her entire body was tense and her voice was strained.

The Doctor couldn't help it, he turned around with Rose still clinging to his front. He opened his mouth to protest, apologize, something.

"Oh my god, you're touching her bum! Two years I put up with you, running off with my only child, and this is how you repay me?" Jackie stood yelling, one hand pointing and waving frantically in the air. She held something the Doctor was too petrified to recognize in her other hand.

He swallowed hard as Rose slowly slid down his front to gently touch her feet on the floor, unintentionally creating delicious friction that had him biting back a moan. She looked up at him apologetically and squeezed his shoulders before turning around, careful to stand directly in front of him. All he needed was a quick second anyway. Between his superior biology and Jackie standing just on the other side of the sofa, he was able to tamp down quickly on the hormone cocktail that had been surging within his body just moments before. Still, he was thankful for a buffer. Jackie would never slap Rose, not in the way she slapped him. He hoped.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?" Jackie glared at them expectantly.

"Mum, it isn't..." Rose started, shaking her head. "Well, it is, but it's--hold on. Is that...mistletoe?"

Jackie's eyes widened and she shoved a hand behind her back. The Doctor caught a small flash of something green. He couldn't see Rose's face, but he could hear the knowing smile in her voice when she next spoke.

"It is, isn't it?" Rose crossed her arms.

"So what if it is?" Jackie shot back.

"I thought you were going to get stuff for dinner?"

"I have everything," Jackie said with a sigh as she rolled her eyes. She smiled sweetly and procured the mistletoe from behind her back. "Just thought you two needed a little coaxing along is all. And then I walk in to find himself with his tongue half down your throat!" She was looking at Rose but pointing threateningly in his direction.

It was unfair, if anything Rose was just as guilty as he was. His need to correct Jackie bubbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"My tongue was _not_ half--"

"Well it certainly wasn't in your own mouth was it?" Jackie shot back, her eyes flashing.

He snapped his jaw shut, conceding defeat but not willing to elaborate on the topic.

"That's what I thought." She nodded curtly then beamed at them. "Now, who's hungry?"

.....

Jackie had pulled Rose into the kitchen with her, saying she needed her help cooking. The Doctor wasn't an idiot, and he certainly wasn't deaf. Nevertheless, he stayed in the living room and pretended not to hear the conversation that followed. The conversation that centered around him and whether or not Rose was happy. She was.

The evening was filled with conversation, telly, food, and in Jackie's case...wine. Despite the overwhelming domesticity of it all, the Doctor was content. Now that their relationship was out in the open, he was just thankful Jackie hadn't taken to calling them lovers. Not that they weren't (they very much were) and not that he outright disliked the term...he just didn't want that coming out of Jackie's mouth. It would be a constant reminder that she was all too aware of the activities that happened behind closed doors, never mind that she had told them on several occasions that it was about bloody time. Still...he was now able to relax, a bit, and show Rose what she meant to him. Within reason, of course.

It was hard to hide the look of shock when Jackie informed him that he was not to sleep on the sofa but in Rose's room. Had she had too much wine? She wanted him to sleep...in a bed...with her daughter...under the same roof? He wasn't sure if he should thank her or ask what she had done with the real Jackie. She made up for it by telling him that if she heard any sort of funny business going on, she had no qualms about breaking down the door to remove his manhood (or whatever Time Lords called it), whether he was fully clothed or not.

So now he stood, nervously, in the middle of Rose's room. He turned in slow circles, taking in the small space (and even smaller bed) she had lived in before he had whisked her off to show her the stars. Sometimes he thought he had been wrong to do so, taking her so far from friends, family...her home. But more and more he was beginning to see that it had been just what she needed. Aside from his own very selfish reasons, Rose didn't belong here. She had always been capable of so much more than a dead end job and a flat on the estate that caged her in. She thrived out among the stars, burning brighter than them all.

Rose entered the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She smiled softly and crossed the room to wrap her arms around his waist. He returned her embrace as she buried her face in his chest, her radiating warmth calming his fraying nerves. 

He had tried to reach out to the TARDIS several more times over the course of the evening, unable to leave the change in his timeline (and Rose's) well enough alone. For some reason he couldn't pinpoint what had been altered. But each time he had tried to communicate with the TARDIS, she only shut him out and told him to relax. Much easier said than done.

But here, in Rose's arms, he could almost do just that.

"My mum's asleep," she whispered into the fabric of his suit, her hands restlessly wandering up his back.

"If you're trying to imply what I think you are, the answer is no." He kissed the top of her head. There was no way they were going to do _that_ with Jackie just down the hall. 

Rose leaned back to look at him, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"No." The Doctor shook his head. No, no way. Not going to happen. Jackie would kill him.

"She's sound asleep." Rose snaked her arms between their bodies to fiddle with his tie. Running the silky fabric through her fingers, she gazed up at him through hooded lids. "Better now than in the middle of the night, when the wine has worn off."

"No." He swallowed audibly. It was very hard to remember why he was saying no when she looked at him like that. 

"I think I can be very convincing," she purred before nipping along his jawline.

.....

Rose Tyler, as it turned out, could be _extremely_ convincing. Clothes fell to the floor, each loss of fabric stripped away his resolve until there was nothing left. It hadn't taken long for him to become an active participant. All layers removed and forgotten, they tumbled into her bed, trying to remain as quiet as possible.

Hands wandered and kisses became needy and frantic, their bodies already craving completion. Minds eagerly reached out, tangling together in a bright cloud of love and euphoria. He was beneath her, allowing her to set the pace and take control. It was something he unexpectedly enjoyed, letting go and giving himself over to whatever she wanted. She broke the kiss, shifting so that she comfortably straddled his lap, hovering just above where he longed for her to touch. His hands rested lightly on her hips, waiting for her to move first.

Rose sank down on top of him, sheathing his length completely within her and causing them both to bite their tongues in an effort to stifle their moans. He once again marveled at how wet she was already, a deep sense of pride surging within him that he could do such a thing to her.

They moved together, quickly picking up speed, the building desire too much, too overwhelming, to take things slow. Between thrusts and muffled groans of pleasure, Rose looked at him, her eyes full of the love he could feel through their shared mental link and whispered, "I love you."

His first instinct was to panic. As much as he loved her, as much as he wanted to...he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. The slight shake of her head and the warm reassurance in his mind as she continued to ride him, pushing him closer and closer to the edge, chased all trace of panic away.

He let go. His hands blindly sought out her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers, and he locked eyes with her. Pouring all the love he felt and couldn't say into their bond, they twined together, body and soul, driving each other to completion.

Sensing their impending climax, they crashed their lips together, his hands sliding to her hips to help keep up the frantic pace she had set. Lights exploded in his mind as they came in unison, mouths swallowing cries of ecstasy and fingers digging in to sweat covered skin. Grinding against each other, they slowly floated back to earth, bodies trembling as aftershocks zinged through their systems.

As they shifted positions and drifted off to sleep, the Doctor wondered if there would finally come a day that he could say the words Rose knew he held in his hearts.

.....

"I'm gonna make us some tea." Jackie announced as she rose from her chair, surrounded by opened presents piled on the floor around her feet. She grabbed the box containing her new lavender mug and headed for the kitchen.

Rose looked under the tree and frowned. Leaving her place beside the Doctor on the sofa, she crossed the room and crouched by the tree. His eyes followed her, lingering on the skin left exposed by her blue t-shirt and sleep shorts. Her tiny pajamas were quickly becoming his favorite outfits. Not that he hadn't appreciated them before. He had, frequently. But back then they had left him feeling flustered and unhinged, unable, or unwilling rather, to relieve the frustrations they inspired.

She grabbed something underneath the twinkling lights and green branches then returned to his side. She passed him the plain box.

"What's this?" The Doctor asked her as they shifted to face each other on the couch. They mirrored positions, his pinstriped knees pressed against her bare ones to make up for the space between them.

"It's for you, but it's not from me. All my presents for you are still on board the TARDIS. Since we agreed to exchange gifts after we decorated our tree." She shrugged her shoulders. "Mum must have forgot about it."

It was a flat rectangular box, about the size of a large book, wrapped in gray paper. Who wrapped presents in dull gray paper? The center of the discomfort he'd felt upon landing yesterday radiated from the bloody thing, he was sure of it. Part of him wanted to open it outside the flat, safely away from Rose. Another part of him wanted to chuck into a super nova and never find out what it was.

"Go on, open it." Rose nudged him with her knees, a bright grin on her face.

He forced a smile and slowly removed the paper, revealing a plain white cardboard box. Alarm bells were blaring in his head and he slowly opened the box while holding his breath. He furrowed his brow as he caught a glimpse of a slightly faded newspaper.

"What is it, Doctor?" Rose's voice was tinged with concern. He had the lid angled in such a way that she couldn't see what was inside, forcing her to rely on his expression for hints of what it was.

The Doctor tried to keep his face neutral. It was a struggle he was close to losing as he took in the picture on the front page. Cybermen and Daleks flew through the air and the headline twisted his stomach in knots; "Hundreds killed at Battle of Canary Wharf." His time sense was screaming at him, giving him a headache and making his vision blur slightly. This was from an aborted timeline, he could feel it. Not to mention, Jackie had mentioned nothing of Daleks or Cybermen when she had spoken of the collapsed building in Canary Wharf. He knew it was the same location, it was no coincidence.

A caption under the picture caught his attention, 'List of the dead, page 10'. He swallowed and turned to the indicated page with trembling hands. His hearts dropped in his chest and his next breath was sharp and painful as a name jumped out at him. Rose Marion Tyler. No...no, no, no. He stared at the page, no longer remembering to control his expression.

He traced a finger over her name and was hit with a mental image of Rose, wearing the top she had worn yesterday, falling away from him. Forever. It was too real, too painful. His hearts felt as if they were being wrenched from his chest, his breath came in shaky gasps, and tears stung his eyes.

"Doctor? What's wrong?" Rose asked quietly, placing a hand on his knee.

He looked up. Her eyes widened as she took in his haunted expression. He had seen it, all of it. Losing her, the void and a white wall stretching vastly between them. Burning up a sun just to say goodbye. Years apart before she found him again, his wonderful Rose, crossing universes to find him. Losing her, giving her up, sacrificing his happiness for her own.

In losing her, he lost himself.

"Doctor?"

He pushed the box and the newspaper to the floor. Rose followed the items with her eyes, caught off guard when he reached for her, both of his hands holding her face. He pulled her towards him and at the same time he leaned towards her, capturing her lips in a deep, disparate kiss. Pulling back after a moment, he stared into her searching eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but he rushed ahead of her.

"I love you."

She blinked, then slowly smiled that dazzling Rose Tyler smile that made his hearts melt. "I love you too."

The corners of his lips curled up to return her smile. Later he would explain the gift, later he could try and find out who gave it to him. Right now, he simply needed to hold her and whisper over and over what he had almost lost the chance to say.

.....

Outside, the sun had slinked behind grey clouds. Flakes fluttered slowly to the ground, the cold air devoid of any harsh breeze. Families were still in their homes, it was too early to throw on more than a bathrobe and brave the suddenly chilly outdoors. It was a stark contrast from yesterday.

Yesterday should have been the cloudy day, a lone figure crossing the green thought to himself. Today was a day for celebrating and bright skies. He had done it. Oh, they owed him for this later. Big time. For now he would let the Doctor have this moment. Let him see what he had come so close to losing. 

Approaching the TARDIS, Jack Harkness patted the blue wood fondly.

"I know you can't stand me now either," he said, smiling and turning to look back at the flats where the Doctor and Rose were celebrating a conflict free Christmas. An odd tingle filled his mind, affection washed over him, yet he could sense the need to flee from him. He was an oddity in time, thanks to Rose, something that grated on the nerves of the Time Lord and his ship. Jack couldn't really blame them, he just hoped they could eventually work through it. The TARDIS sent him a flicker of affirmation. "I'll hold you to that."

"Well beautiful, I should go before his time sense tingles too much." Jack winked at the time ship. He received tinkling laughter in response, followed by a wave of thanks. "Of course. Anything for those two. Just remember to remind them, they owe me."

With one final pat of the TARDIS, he punched in the coordinates and stared at the flat belonging to Jackie Tyler. She would miss out on Pete this go round. But one more trip, one more well timed intervention...and Pete would choose to stay with her in this universe. Oh, the things he did for friends. Jack knew what it was like to love and lose...he didn't wish that on them.

"Merry Christmas, Doc." With a nod and a press of a button on his vortex manipulator, Jack vanished with a quiet pop.


End file.
